Poking the Reapers and Real Life is Pretty Good at Making Movies

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It’s a difficult time right now. There are times when moving forward seems impossible and everything is hopeless. Sadly for hopeless, not moving forward isn’t an option. There is too much invested and too many lives lost. Draco shall not surrender. The enemy seems relentless but using all the will Draco has left Draco shall defeat them. Draco shall win this Facebook Poke War. That Draco swears to you, the reader. Even if Draco’s fingers are turned to dust( If Draco’s fingers are turned to dust in reality Draco would probably give up. Honestly why would you want to hold Draco to any of this? Weirdo. Draco ain’t actually making any promises. This is over-dramatized nonsense so don’t take it at face value.) Draco would keep on poking. Draco is like Commander Shepard waking up in London in a pile of ruble, getting up to use the real Crucible with the one option of actually working with no drawbacks to actually satisfy fans. Draco shall free the galaxy from the cycle of poking by poking the other person so much they stop. Hoorah!

Draco saw Dolphin Tale 2. It had dolphins what more could you want from a movie? Turtles? Well guess what, there was a turtle; your abnormally high standards have been met. Hopefully real life continues to happen so they can continue to base movies off it. Great job real life for making this movie the first time and good job Dolphin Tale 2 on being great too.

On a side note Draco used all of the to/too/two aka 2 forms in one paragraph. Parades are inbound.

 

Hating on ABC’s Fall Lineup and Annoying Trick Ponies

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Draco saw that Get Away With Murder’s commercial again and this time Draco noticed something that makes the entire concept even more stupid than originally thought. Apparently the students in this class who want to get away with murder were assigned to this class. Now anyone who has been to college has to wonder how does that even work? Why were these people forced to take this class? That isn’t how colleges work. If they committed crimes a court isn’t going to say go take a criminology class. The only class Draco has seen forced on someone is a parenting class and even then they didn’t really have to take the class they just wanted to parent well or just not have child protective services repo their kid. But back on the topic what was the conversation like with this decision maker and the student? “Because you were found guilty of murder we hereby sentence you to take murder class so it never happens again.” Honestly this show is so stupid and the sad part is it’ll probably do well.

Draco saw another commercial (Yes absolutely nothing has happened( it took Draco a week to write a semi-publishable post)) for a comedy called “black*ish”. It’s pretty clear from the commercial that this will be a very high brow show that doesn’t rely 100% on racial comedy.While the commercial may seem at times like they plan on ripping off basically every previous family comedy and abusing the average African American stereotype at every single turn, it will actually — ah Draco can’t do it. Draco was going to pretend like it wasn’t going to do exactly that and undermine the human race but it definitely will. You can see the blatant generalizations they are going to make pretty well. It would have been nice if instead of this the show had said yes they are black but they are also people with three dimensional problems and three dimensional lives but cardboard cutouts are probably cheaper. Draco looked up some info on the show and found out it is also on ABC along with How to Get Away with Murder. It seemed every bad show was going to be on ABC. They also apparently have a show called “Selfie”… In the future people will laugh at this generation for things like this. It’ll be the disco of the era except disco was cool*ish.

Rewriting Reality and The Haystack is its own character

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Yesterday Draco heard some pretty surprising things. Laws of the universe previously undiscovered by any other societal member.

Football claims to have found a fifth quarter. This is ground breaking science. Football broke every bit of math into pieces. Amazing! Truly Amazing.They’ve found a way to somehow generate a fifth segment from four pieces while somehow keeping it four equal pieces.  That’s the type of technology that can only be made by having a very large person smash their body into another very large person.

Women are firefighters according to a female firefighter. If you’re female you’d better start fighting fires. If you aren’t cooling the flames you are not doing your job. Draco can’t be sure how having two x chromosomes automatically places one into a firefighting role but that’s the magic of science now isn’t it.

Draco was reading other blogs and one post was about 6 game characters who are not well educated. Draco read it and it was very surprising.  They did not mention a single character. Not even one. They just listed 6 groups. One group was the guards from Assassin’s Creed. Now they may not be the brightest but they are all individual characters. Each is irreplaceable. A precious little snowflake each with their own problems and lives.

Probably just the wind

Having an education does not necessarily mean one is observant or even intelligent.

Another group was every character ever. From these findings Draco can conclude that the only one in need of an education was the one who thought every character was one character. If that were true then you could not have a list of six because there is only one character.

Sequel Three, Return of The Forth Sequel, and Tv Watch_List

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Draco was on twitter and saw some good cosplay. The thing with the costumes that aren’t on Halloween if you don’t know what that is *cough* Google Chrome Spellchecker *cough*. Anyway Draco started following that person (which sounds creepy without the Twitter context) and they said they were going to see Beverly Hills Chihuahuas 4. Four. The Four installment. Draco remembers a straight to DVD/Bluray sequel but 4? They made a 3 after that? The first one was sorta cute but they did that many? When did all this happen? Did you hear about  any of these sequels reader? Did you keep it a secret from Draco? How dare you, reader Draco has never met. How dare yoooooouuuuuu (Don’t actually feel bad please).

So Draco was planning on finally fixing some mistakes in Draco’s stories so they could actually be shown to people. Naturally Draco ignored all of that and finished Watch_Dogs instead. Draco loved the ending. Well except for Jordi stuff.  The non-specific events there were less than great. All in all Draco has one thing to say about it. CBS, if you want to compete and blow NBC’s Scorpion out of the water and have a show that could last maybe 8 or 9 seasons acquire the rights to Watch_Dogs or collaborate with Ubisoft. Watch_Dogs is exactly your style and the name alone will bring in people. It would be great for you. On a side note ABC you could get it too but honestly you have Agents of Shield and that feels like it fills the slot. You could get it and just lock everyone out but honestly we’re trying to be fair here so don’t be offended by this being targeted at CBS. On a side side note Why does Draco imagine anyone from either would ever read any of this? Maybe FOX will see this but the Big Three not a chance. FOX has been great though lately so woo! Rolling the Tv dice.

Accounting 101 AKA How To Take A Person’s Money Legally and Oh I’m Not Evil I just Like Wearing The Evil Uniform

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Draco keeps seeing this commercial for a new show called “How To Get Away With Murder” about some over dramatized criminology class. Here are Draco’s thoughts on the commercial in the form of an extended dialogue from the instructor played by that one lady everyone forgot about after her one successful movie.

“Welcome Class, to Criminology 100. Aka How… To… Get… Away… With… MURDER!… Aka a beginner’s class that is taken by those who want to be police officers and the like. We really wouldn’t want to give the wrong idea here. In general people don’t get away with murder and if there was a class that would teach you how it would likely be a more advanced one like Criminology 201. Even if Criminology 201 did teach you how to get away with murder and for some reason apparently every student here is interested in doing that, the police would soon realize that the class is where all these murderers are coming from and instead of getting away with it you would be hiding for the rest of your life in terrible motels with barely a penny to your name. You really should wonder what would motivate you to take a class intending to learn how to murder when you could do literally anything else to them and you would both get revenge and maybe money. You could take some sort of computer class and steal all their money or some science class to make some untraceable whosiwhat’sit– Though on that one if you did try that they’d likely realize oh it’s probably that person who was researching the stuff let’s go get them. Really it seems like your entire premise here is flawed and you’re all wasting your time. Seriously what psychopaths think ooh criminology I should go learn how to crime well. Why does everyone focus on Murder? Thievery is another crime and it’s probably easier to learn. In fact why did I say this was a get away with murder class to begin with? that seems like a pretty suspect thing to say. We all need serious help. I’m pretty confused by the plot here but I know one thing and it’s that we’re all psychopaths. Class dismissed.”

Draco has been watching ABC’s The Quest. It’s a fun show that sets modern day people in a medieval non-Game of Thrones- realism world. It’s a reality show but there’s sword fighting and most of it’s scripted so you have less people just sitting and more doing things. The thing that bothers Draco is that they basically prevent the use of Genre Savvy-ness but they do let mistakes be integrated into the story. So basically if you are smart you are not rewarded and if you are stupid you are punished. So you’re wondering why would Draco say this? Well at one point a person drops their magical piece of the magical world saving spear that they’ll have to put together in the finale and beat the evil guy and everyone yells at her. So they kept that as part of the story. Odds are the prop department has hundreds. On the other side there is this guy called like he Grand Vizier or some nonsense and he is clearly evil. He is this guy.

Grand virereSeems pretty similar to a guy made by the same people. This guy. WormTongue. Basically the same guy.

If you see this guy in really any fantasy world you don’t just sit there and let him continue being a creepy traitor. Sure it’s profiling but he also got angry when the heroes showed up, is an expert on poison but was no help during a challenge involving poison, was seen directly next to a guy with magical explosives just pointing and shouting catch him, and is just generally rude to everyone at every turn while also taking joy in people being eliminated. Even if he isn’t “The Traitor” he is a traitor in the sense that they are in an autocratic government, he is suspicious, and he is interfering with the chosen ones. In some countries it’s innocent until proven guilty but in an autocratic one it’s you looked at the wrong person you probably committed murder in a past life and need to die now. That’s how it went. Why can’t the contestants accuse him? Would that really ruin everything? Anyway aside from that the show is fun and hopefully season two will be a thing.

This Post is Brought to You by the Letter E and The Man is Watching You Watch Netflix

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Today Draco found out about the Disappearance of Yuki Nagato anime coming in 2015 and Draco responded with

“eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”  

So Draco was pretty happy. This did however raise some questions in Draco’s mind. Why did Draco say e for so long? How does that convey happiness? Is there a sad letter? If Draco said u a lot would that convey disappointment? Draco knows o is for oooooooooooh they’re in trouble or oooooooooooh the incumbent is having an affair with that one really popular musician. After thinking about it u would be confusion. Maybe i? Draco doesn’t know.

Draco couldn’t sleep last night so Draco tried watching a show called Fairy Tale. Why would Draco watch a show with such a silly name you ask? 

Plue the Carrot Nosed Dog. Plue is one of Draco’s all time favorite characters and likely the reason for Draco’s love of soda. Anyway none of that is the point. So Draco is lying awake in the dark and turns on an episode. Immediately Draco receives a strange message. It was something like “Hey! Make sure you turn the lights on and don’t sit to close to the screen while watching! It’s bad for your eyes!” and Draco was terrified. How did they know Draco was sitting in the dark with a mobile screen 2 inches from his face? Anyway the moral of this story is always remember to put a piece of tape on any and all cameras in your room. Big Brother is always watching.

John Drew a Dog But Only an Idiot Would Think That Means He Invented Them and Sliced Bread is The Greatest Thing

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The great thing about humans is no matter where you are from, whether you’re a boy, girl or something in-between, whether your skin is a different color, if you speak a different language, if you’re young or old, tall or short, attractive or unattractive, a tax payer or a bank robber, one thing remains the same. A person no matter the person can be so unintelligent beyond belief that everyone around you feels a little bit sick. Recently Draco found a blog that is so unbelievably idiotic Draco hopes it’s just the user’s inability to speak proper English and not their actual opinion. This person actually thought that the blonde hair color was invented in anime and everyone from the west is just copying the concept of blonde hair to look Asian. Draco will now give anyone with actual blonde hair a minute to be bothered. Take this minute and hold it in your scalp. Cherish its lofty embrace. Ok now that you’re done with that, let’s think about Hitler. It’s WWII and we pan into a living room with Hitler sitting on a couch watching anime.  He sees a cute blonde anime girl  and he just exclaimed “That is so kawaii! Assistant we must now go do one of the most horrible and inhuman acts in all of human history!”… Credit to Draco’s bro for that. Draco was talking this out with him last night and that’s what he thought of in a slightly paraphrased manner. Anyway if you think that your countries animation invented  any part of the human genome you are an idiot beyond the level of normal pathetic idiot. Draco really wishes that it was just a language thing and that this anti-western imbecile meant blonde hair is really nice and anime is also nice and– honestly you can’t make it work. This person is undeniably and unacceptably racist and it’s sad that they exist. Admittedly the stupid part isn’t racist; it’s the part where they call all westerners unattractive and insane. Plus they had pictures similar to those used as Nazi propaganda so they should go to hell. Blonde hair was invented by your higher deity of choice or by primordial ooze (whichever you prefer really). Tell your friends. Also tell them that Disney did not invent mice and King did not invent candy, crushing, or sagas. In fact they just reskinned bejeweled so ya they invented nothing. It seems they might not know if this person is any representative of the norm. Also bejeweled was stupid to begin with. Pong was better. Pong forever. The moral of this story is people may say things like “you westerners are racist” or blah blah is blah but no matter the group there is good people and there are terrible worthless pieces of human waste who should not get access to the internet.

On the note of invention, have you ever noticed many people say “it’s the best thing since sliced bread” but that phrase is always the phrase. It never becomes “it’s the best thing since robot vacuum cleaners” now does it? Clearly nothing has actually been the best thing since sliced bread or we would be saying it. Sliced bread is still on top and we should still gaze at it in wonder(bread)ment. when your product gets an old saying about it you can say that but until then sliced bread is numero uno.

“Gods Not Dead” Doesn’t Understand the Requirements to be Alive and Being Stupid and Being Helpful are Not Mutually Exclusive

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So Draco has continued the exercise of watching commercials for films Draco doesn’t plan to watch. God’s Not Dead appears to be about a philosophy class with an instructor who didn’t feel like doing his job of teach students about philosophy and stated that since he didn’t want to waste time about whether there is a God by forcing all students to write that he is dead. If this is not what it is about well they should make a better commercial. Now Draco’s problem with this isn’t anything to do with religion or whether God does or does not exist (though Draco does if you were wondering). You see the definition of dead as defined by a Google search of “dead definition” is no longer alive. The definition of alive was “not dead”. On further investigation on the word alive the word existing came up. You see if you do not exist you cannot be alive. Being alive requires existence. If God were dead as the instructor says then he is confirming to the class the God does exist. To be dead one must for at least a moment been alive. To be dead one must exist and must have ceased living. The entire premise of the student being forced to prove God exists is flawed because that is the entire basis for the instructor’s assertion that God is dead. The student is only agreeing with him. The burden of proof is meaningless because they are in agreement. Even if they weren’t and it was just bad language it is still up to the instructor to not only prove his point but also do his job and teach philosophy. If this were a true story(which honestly people are stupid and it could possibly be (It seems so uninteresting that Draco can’t be bothered to look it up)) this instructor is hopefully fired for proposing not to do a large section of the subject and wasting time trying to get out of it. That’s like teaching English but leaving out all the adjectives and adverbs.

Draco has heard much about this dumping a bucket of ice on ones head for ALS. Draco has read many comments calling it stupid and then many comments calling those people who previously called it stupid stupid. They then defend it for all the money and awareness raising it has done. The problem is that both parties are correct. Pouring a bucket of ice water on one’s head is stupid whether it is for charity or not. You can actually die from it if you’re not warmed up.The dumping of the ice is the stupid part. The helpful part is that it raised awareness and money. It certainly did help and that isn’t debatable. You see a stupid action can be helpful if used correctly. Fart jokes for colon cancer would be stupid but it would also probably spread quickly and raise money. Setting your self on fire for burn victims would be another example but odds are that would do more harm than good. The moral to this story is that you should never set yourself on fire no matter how charitable it is. Setting yourself on fire is stupid and you should know better. The other moral is something stupid can alos be something that helps many people and in vice versa.

PAINT! IS IT REALLY PAINTING ANYTHING? part 1 and Adapting to Broken Adapters.

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Draco needs a muse. The lack of anything interesting lately has gotten to a point where drafts are going unused. It’s taken Draco several minutes to write these sentences. These sentences. Figuratively from this point. That is maybe 20 words. This clearly means Draco needs a beautiful intelligent and vexing girl to sit in proximity to Draco while Draco stares blankly at a computer screen and ignores her. The mere thought has given Draco a brilliant idea. “Paint! Is it Really Painting Anything?”. Ok ok hold back your impressed shouts of admiration; Draco already knows it’s a fantastic idea. Draco needs to get on another topic because this will just be a massive undertaking which could span several decade’s worth of pages.

So Draco had to buy a new AC adapter today. That is what Draco did today. Buy an AC Adapter. That is what Draco did for fun. At least they didn’t try and card Draco or say card invalid even though the card was totally valid and worked thirty seconds later  like they did the bananas and other items from that one story Draco never told you. On the original note Draco could really use that muse. we’re running on empty here. Draco loves that song…

Adding to God Complex, Spiders Everywhere, and We’ll Give You an Education but We Can’t Even Multiply

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Draco took this adequately creepy personality test. The questions were nonsensical but the results were spot on. According to this test Draco thinks on a higher plane of understanding. While others are just doing their ordinary human thinking Draco is up there on God level playing checkers with Jesus. Fortuna is betting on Draco. Andraste is cheering Draco on. Anyway it said Draco was just absolutely fantastic. This is why you need to learn which square is being aggressive. (If any religions or the amazing warrior queen Boudicca were offended Draco apologizes and blames the test. It was all their fault. Draco takes no responsibility for compliments coming from others.)

They say you are always within 3-10 feet of a spider. This is obviously not true because man has walked on the moon( or soundstage if you prefer (if you prefer this shut up it isn’t the point)) and the moon happens to not support spider life. On that not Draco does not count rock spiders as spiders and that was a movie. Anyway Draco has seen around 15 spiders in the last two weeks and it is getting annoying. They are the nice little daddy-long-legs type that nice people save if they can and Draco usually can. This leads to having to catch the things and then release them. Does this have a moral? Is there any point to telling you this? Well you are asking the wrong  questions. You should be asking how you can rescue Draco from an army of friendly spiders. *mutters something which isn’t insulting at all*

Draco got a letter from the US National Guard offering to pay for Draco’s education. They said they would give Draco $362 a month which equals $13000 for 4 years. Now admittedly they said up to but  what they are really saying here is they will give you around $68 a month for college. The $13000 is the average amount and the $362 must be the maximum. This either means that the lieutenant that wrote this letter is using dishonest immoral sales math to trick people into joining or they are incapable of doing basic math. Now Draco doesn’t want to imagine that the guards of a nation are using shady and deceitful practices to fool people so Draco is going to assume they just can’t multiply. Draco had people in Draco’s graduating class who couldn’t multiply. It’s reasonable to think that maybe someone like that got an officer’s rank. It’s admittedly sad but it’s possible. Another thing that is sad is that $68 is not enough money for college. The way college works is that you pay for tuition and classes and then you take them. Even the cheapest college tuition is going to cost you at least and keep in mind this is low balling here $800. You’ll either need to wait for almost a year or get a job. The problem with getting a job is that you have a job with the National Guard and the entire selling point is that you won’t be paying for college. With a job you can actually pay for college and you don’t need to be in the guard at all. They claim that you can also get money for living ($200) but like the rest of the numbers they are likely “mistakes”. Even with $200 that isn’t living money. If you can find food and housing for $200 a month then you must really like living in excrement and eating top ramen. You’ll likely need an extra source of income to live such as a job. Once again negating the need for joining the guard at all. They ended the letter with saying that you get to help people in danger. They use the exact words “you can be there to save lives, protect property, deliver supplies, and bring hope”. The phrasing here is once again deceptive but let’s call it a grammar mistake or some nonsense. They phrase it as if this is a reward. While it may be rewarding to save lives and bring hope this isn’t a reward for joining and it isn’t exclusive to the guard. Doing these activities is the job. When becoming a construction worker they don’t tell you that your reward is getting to be a construction worker. A cashier isn’t rewarded with getting to work a cash register and check out items. that is their JOB. if they join they HAVE TO do it. They don’t GET to do it because once you join it isn’t a choice. If you get a job you can do all of these things by choice or it can be your job but neither of those options are rewards for choosing to join the guard. You can be a motivational speaker and bring hope. You can be a firefighter and protect property. You can be one of those people who spray paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues and pull someone out of the way of a speeding car thereby saving a life. You could work for USPS, UPS, or a similar service which likely has a U in its acronym and deliver supplies till you can’t deliver them no more. You can volunteer and do any number of those things yet they say these activities are why you should join them specifically. Also they call all those activities along with protecting the nation “dual mission”. there were 5 listed. This supports the inability to do math argument. Anyway Draco could go on and on about how you don’t want to risk your life for no reward and follow people who may be deceiving you or if they aren’t deceiving you are incapable of doing what most grade school children can but honestly you should get the idea by now. If you really want to join Draco has one request of you. Please make these people better. clearly there is some issue and if you have morals and a grade school education you can likely fix it.

 

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