Nearly Headless and a Death Beyond Death


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Remember that time Draco wrote a post about disliking Shadow of Mordor due to a setting full of bleak pointlessness,  flat Lord of the Rings Knockoff  characters, and the early death of the best orc nemesis Mr. Bird Mask the Deadheaded?  Well Draco bought the sequel, Shadow of War. Now you’re probably thinking, “Draco, you were unsatisfied with the first and then you bought the second?” and that’s a fair question. What you don’t know is that a Black Friday sale had it for very little. It seemed like they were trying to really get rid of them. So Draco picked it up along with a few other games and Draco decided to play this one before others in Draco’s backlog because if Draco didn’t like the first, there’d be a chance Draco’d just drop this one and move on to something else. If Draco started something Draco might love this’d still be something on the list or if Draco didn’t decide at all Draco might have just played Rimworld again and that wouldn’t be good for anyone involved. So Draco just shoved the disk in and then waited the several hours for it to install and update.

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It’s a good poem. Words to live by.

So when Draco started, you know, they do story stuff, blah blah blah, spoilers if you care, but it’s more of the same really. Shellob, the giant evil spider monster who terrified young Draco just as many things terrified young Draco( for example, the orc captain in Return of the King with his horrible ugly nightmare face), is a woman who Talion the protagonist finds very attractive. That’s sorta jarring, but then when other female characters showed up it seemed he was into all of them including a tree so at least we learn that Talion is down to smooch anything #StrongOrcGirlfriendForTalionNowPls . Not the point though!

So Draco was going through the story of Fake Aragorn and Casper the Ringmaker as they murder orcs because we haven’t gotten to the part where we mind control orcs and we go into an arena to fight because the unhelpful old guy has been taken hostage and definitely isn’t the obvious traitor. They bring out their champion, and when he dies in 3 seconds they bring out their other champion, and then when they die the gates open up and THIS GUY WALKS IN!

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What a twist. Draco didn’t see it coming. Middle-earth™_ Shadow of War™_20180203042037_1.jpg

Such a cool guy. Neck looks perfectly fine. It has a head on it which is definitely an improvement.

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It was very fun killing him again. and again. and again. and again.

But then he disappeared for a while and we made new friends.

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Thank you PS4 for ruining the majority of the screenshots.

That guy Draco forgot.

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The Mountain from Game of Thrones.

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A robot dinosaur.

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Children’s Art.

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At this point they had earn tons of good will. Just like Talion, Draco’s joy over seeing Bird Mask was unkillable. They’d have to force Draco to stop and we all know that wouldn’t happen, right?

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Of course then it happened.. There are some fates worse than loss of bird masks, such as infinite loading screens. Draco lost 15 hours to that loading screen. Not only that, it did something unforgivable.

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His weapon is no longer on fire. It was fine that in the first reappearance he was just significantly weaker and a different class because it scales to level and tracker went from a cool perk to a lame class but this was an insult that Draco didn’t notice until putting these screenshots in. This is how you know we film this show live, people. Luckily they couldn’t possibly screw up any worse…

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Wait let Draco equip his magnifying glasses…


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“Why did Draco use multiple The Office Gifs?” -Draco from a future time.






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Unless you chose a big ugly stupid mask over your cool bird mask that certainly doesn’t look like you followed directions. Are you having trouble understanding? Draco knows a guy who can help you fink about what you’ve done.

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But it wasn’t all bad. Despite making a bad decision, at least Kumail Nanjiani of Silicon Valley and other things stopped by to say hi.

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What a darn-tootin’ good cameo. Surely this guy will create fantastic narrative and we’ll have tons and tons of fun battles. Maybe Draco will even recruit them; make them the greatest general to ever not die. There is no way they’d die immediately to a rock crushing them or anything stupid like that.Middle-earth™_ Shadow of War™_20180209235604.jpg


Well he could always come back and say some cool lines assuming some necromancer doesn’t resurrect him into a screaming wordless zombie during a story mission or anything…

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Well surely someone is left to pick up the mantle of cool.

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Bolg the Deranged? A guy who just clicks his teeth very loudly for several minutes? No. Outfit’s pretty good but no. Just no.

Well, at least they didn’t all die in the beginning. Overall this game is much better. Definitely worth the money. Perverting one of the best character’s to ever be killed by Draco repeatedly did not diminish the fun. Even the setting which was essentially the same felt much nicer( probably thanks to improved and vibrant graphics along with the forts which when captured added random friends). Draco’d be up for a sequel.



Banking on Pokemon and a Sea of Ponyta Regrets


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One thing that’s been on Draco’s todo list for a while is “transfer Poke”.  It was written on a sticky note actually. The meaning of “transfer Poke” is that Draco has Pokemon across a variety of games and Draco would like to transfer them all to the current game. Draco put this off due to very inefficient transfer systems but because Draco finally used Pokemon Bank the task became easier. Pokemon Bank is extremely good; when compared to the old ways at least. Draco was hesitant because the old ways were free but then Draco found out that the price was well worth it and not a monthly fee like Draco thought. The next problem was that Pokemon Bank doesn’t work for all of the games. Draco was really into the games when Diamond came out so most of them were supposed to be there and that meant that Draco really only had to transfer them from Diamond into Black then Draco could use the Bank.

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The transfer from Diamond to Black involves a crossbow for some reason.

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This sadly only allows for 6 at a time and doing only the Pokemon Draco really liked took hours and because it’s timed you can actually fail to get all of them which means you have to do it again. Thankfully it’s a little bit fun.

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After doing this for a while Draco realized many Pokemon were missing. Everything really should have been in Diamond except the ones from Crystal because they’re all a bunch of mean jerks( They did just remaster it though and transferring from the remaster is very easy). Anyway after thinking a bit Draco figured out where the missing Pokes were.

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“My Pokemon Ranch” for the Wii was essentially a screen saver / storage system but Draco as a young person was happy to shove all this Pokes into it to see their kinda cute style. It’s a shame. Draco really liked how if you got enough of the same Pokemon in they’d form a little gang and if they met another gang of a type they’re weak against they’d have a kind of rivalry going on. There were some good ideas in this game but ultimately it didn’t really go anywhere just like a lot of the ideas that have been in Pokemon games. Anyway, Draco had almost 800 Pokemon in this game. Many of them were Ponyta. Draco left most of the duplicates. Somehow Draco didn’t take a Ponyta and now feels pretty dumb. Each time one was taken from the ranch a whistle noise happened. Draco blames the turbulent feelings and whistling noises for forgetting a Ponyta.

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So after getting probably around 240 of the Pokemon out Draco began the process of crossbowing them all into Black. With honed skill it was a peace of time-consuming cake. Unfortunately Draco didn’t realize that in order to send them to the bank Draco had to have them in Box 1. Each box can hold 30. The first box was easy. but then you have to move those 30 from the bank transfer box into another box which requires switching  cartridges. Then, after switching cartridges again, each subsequent box had to be moved to Box 1 one at a time. Once Box 1 was refilled we’d repeat. In total this took about 10 hours across a few days and according to the bank’s records Draco actually has 409 unique Pokemon and Draco has recorded 664 of the 806 which exist. Of those 255 there could be pre-evolution forms or it could be Pokemon other people had. There isn’t a way to tell sadly and it doesn’t seem particularly intelligent about it( They knew Draco had a Squirtle and a Blastoise and that Draco didn’t get the Blastoise through trade but Wartortle is missing). This also isn’t including Ponyta which Draco has hundreds of. Surprisingly none are shiny. Draco will have to rectify the slanderous lies of lacking Ponyta but that can be done later.

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What this has really taught Draco is that there are soooooooooo many Pokemon. It’s amazing but also impractical. Some poor 10-year-old is probably trying to catch them all right now and they won’t be finished till they’re in their 806s because they’ll live that long; yay science. And imagine if someone wanted all shinies. Draco just Googled that and apparently it took someone 3 years but that was a post from 2016 so they might not have the newest of the shinies. Maybe the previous 796 year guess was a bit much but still. This is the type of thing Draco’d do for sure if he were a vampire. It’s that along with reading all the books worth reading and watching a shōnen anime. Things that take a lifetime, you know. Ah, if only.

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Apparently shiny Ponyta is blue.

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Draco would like a shiny Ponyta. Apparently there aren’t Ponyta in Sun, Moon, or their Ultra counterparts… Draco’d have to transfer to get one… sigh… Ellipses… … …

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It should also be noted that Draco’s is favorite Pokemon as some of you may already know, is Cyndaquil. Some of you were probably thinking Ponyta and Ponyta is great but Cyndaquil is number 1. It just needed to be said. There can be NO MISTAKES.

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No mistakes…




Extraordinarily Ordinary and Yawn-Stop Action


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So Draco was writing a post about accomplishing things on his todo list. The problem was that Draco was putting all of them in one post and Draco could definitely get multiple posts out of these. Draco will start with this one despite writing this one last because Draco mentioned doing so. Actually Draco has mentioned several of them… Draco shall ignore that and continue on. Though leaving the two windows open may have messed up the entire process. Hopefully it works out.

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On Draco’s todo list; One of those character from random archetypes things Draco was doing. Draco didn’t do it right away because it was boring. The problem with random is that sometimes you get a bad roll. But Draco did it. The key was to not go at it from a straightforward angle. Basically the character Draco was tasked with has been done to death but then Draco remembered that in the world Draco’s writing which Draco should eventually name, there is a country populated with undead. Draco’s undead though, they’re different in a drastic way, as Draco has mentioned a few time. They hunger for cosplay instead of human flesh. Which is perfect because this character is essentially a generic JRPG protagonist and that can be justified away with cosplay. Let’s go over them so it’s easier to write.

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Only those with truestsight will be able to read this.

The Chuuni for short is a character with delusions of uniqueness. It might be that they claim to have a magical power, a dark pact, gang affiliations, any sort of combat ability, emotions, etc. It’s generally harmless and often annoying. At best it’s fun. At worst someone dies. Somehow even in works with actual special powers you still see it. The character just ends up being extra extra. Sure anybody can cast fireball but only they can cast extreme scorching cinder orb mk III.


Ordinary Man

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Ordinary man is a super hero with the power to diffuse any supernatural situation by making it more mundane. That’s not true though. The ordinary man is an ordinary man. They aren’t particularly remarkable. An average Joe.  Average will obviously depend on what everyone around them is like but for the most part they’re just boring audience surrogates. It’s an obviously common character but also often used incorrectly. Sure you claim to be ordinary but you accidentally burned your home down and just happened to have plenty of money to rebuild it and then go on a blimp vacation with your boat that isn’t a yacht but it’s a yacht. We aren’t buying it. The ordinary man is pretty easy to understand. Just create someone not prepared to be in the story at all. If they are qualified in any way to do a task, make sure it doesn’t happen until you’ve properly established how unprepared they truly are.


All-Loving Hero

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What’s better than thwarting evil? Befriending evil! Everyone will be the All-Loving Heroes friend. Did they just meet? Friend! Did they just happen to be in the same room? That’s a friend worth dying for. Most Gundam protagonists attempt to be this hero and then fail miserably. Recruit the enemy to one’s side is great because it both subtracts from enemy numbers and adds to ally numbers but this character will pay any price because they love their friends. They are pretty powerful generally because anyone who isn’t 100% on the evil train will eventually just join up to stop this idiot from annoying them. Sure they murdered billions of people across several planets, but it was because their dad didn’t buy them a puppy and now the All-Loving Hero bought them a puppy so it’s fine.


And when you combine these archetypes you get a regular guy with an unusual fashion sense who will fight you until you’re their friend. So yeah a JRPG protagonist. Here we go.


He is a very triangular boy to let you know how edgy het is but his sword is rather square to let you feel all safe and protected. Draco tried a technique where you zoom out as far as possible and scribble out a form and then you keep the parts you like. The hair is stupid in a reminiscent way. It’s probably a wig. It was a hat at one point and that looked awful. The outfit is messy and worn wrong so you know this guy is a rebel with a cause called wearing clothes wrong. It’s important to remember though that this is a character they’re playing. The actual character probably would still have all the skin on their arm and neck. Maybe not if they wore that outfit in the snow. They’d be blue though.This guy is purple because as you know undead people are purple. That’s just science. Their face is happy but also plain to help you know that he is just like you.  Now you may be thinking you don’t relate to this guy at all but when dealing with the Ordinary Man being actually average or ordinary in a realistic sense hardly matters. This guy like all the undead in Draco’s world so that’s ordinary. Pockets are ordinary. Big jackets are ordinary. They’re pretty ordinary overall; to the point that Draco is about to yawn…

So the character he’s dressed as is named Bosket. Bosket would be some sort of crusading mercenary who’s all rough and tumble but who never leaves an ally behind. They travel across the land taking names and helping people. Definitely a frowner.

The actual character would be named Matrov. Draco derived that name by searching for Berserk Cosplay and then taking some letters from the cosplayer’s username which was then Draco’d into a name.

Matrov Magnificent is a guy who died several years ago and he exists. Matrov likes cosplay characters with big swords because when he was alive he had one. His favorite food is strawberry tart.

Matrov is a total side character. Probably the weakest character out of all the characters Draco has generated randomly. That’s fair though. They should absolutely never be the main character in any story.

Anyway here, here, and here are the lists. Draco won’t know what he roles from these lists but due to the rather poor roles of late Draco might rerole later. If it’s not interesting there isn’t all that much point.

1st: 31!

2nd: 40!

3rd: 61!

These had better be good… If it’s not good Draco’ll change it.


Let’s Play a Game For One Together and Draco Navigates By Echolocation


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So Draco was playing Hand of Fate 2. It’s a lot like solitaire if solitaire had a man who magically placed cards for you while also occasionally commenting. It’s more than that but it kinda just occurred to Draco that the main visible character’s role is sorta superfluous. He didn’t even invent the magic card game, he just changed it some. Like what Disney-owned Marvel did with Spider-Man. Sure, he is the one making them float around but if he wasn’t there you could just use your hands and while he may comment on the cards he doesn’t read them, that’s left for the player.


This is from Hand of Fate, not Hand of Fate 2. Hand of Fate 2 has very few gifs available.

He has story relevance sort of but that’s not the topic we’re here for. Hand of Fate 2 is part card game, part assassin’s creed fighty bits, and then there are these gambits which involve actual focus and reflexes. This was a problem for Draco because Draco is too busy thinking in 64 dimensions to precisely press a button at the exact right time. By that Draco means he watches videos and usually has a third task like sketching something or grinding in Pokemon.

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Draco prefers turn based games. Draco was determined to get through it despite  being unfocused.  It was especially bad when at one point in the story a companion needed his arm amputated and this was represented by a swinging pendulum game. Draco kept being within a sliver of the target and story wise that would probably represent Draco beginning to amputate the arm but then deciding that the location was bad so he’d stop just short and start at a higher point. Just imagine that though. You already think you’re going to die and then you have your friend essentially cutting your arm off several times because they were being picky about it.

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But that was the past. Now Draco is semi decent because at one point Draco had a flash of insight. Draco’s eyes weren’t up to the task of telling his hands when to press the button so Draco cut them out. Of the equation. Metaphorically of course. Draco closed his eyes used a mystical power known as hearing. Draco took in the song of the pendulum and let the tune guide Draco’s hand. Somehow this nonsense works and that’s amazing. This didn’t help at all in any other aspect of the game but still it was pretty cool. Draco was impressed with himself. Wasn’t impressed by all the missed blocks in combat. The rolls where Draco got 3 with 3 dice were pretty sad. Picking the single fail card in a 4 card shuffle( Like a 3-card monte except this is what Draco calls it) was fairly disappointing.  The precision though, just amazing. Daredevil would be great at those and also terrible at all the others.

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Anyway perhaps the moral of the story is that we need to stop and listen while cutting someone’s arm off. Maybe, if everyone did that, we’d have less arms; and that’s what really matters.

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Horribly Hellish Hospitality is Humdrum To Be Honest and the Tragedy of Bird Mask The Headless


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Draco was looking for articles about writing demons. When Draco was searching for angels Draco got nothing angelic at all but when Draco looked for demons Draco found pretty much all of them included angels. Angels gets you nada but demons gets you Angels and Demons apparently. Not the point. So Draco found this article which appeared to be titled Heavens and Hells but was actually Havens and Hells and it was all about how there are settings which feel like a safe home base and others which feel like a hostile land of danger with nothing good at all. This interested Draco because of Shadow of Morder.

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Draco didn’t like Shadow of Mordor for two reasons. One of those reasons was the very concept discussed in that article. Mordor is a horrible place to be. If it were just a dangerous place it’d be fine but it is absolutely Hell and it’s the only setting. Like in Divinity Original Sin II there is an island which had been taken over by Demons and corruption yadda yadda. It has all the makings of a hell but it doesn’t feel bad because  you can actually leave. It’s the type of place you’d want to watch your back in but overall it’s a place where that has some hope that lets you catch your breath while Mordor in Shadow of Mordor is entirely hopeless and you never really get to leave. You can fight your way through Mordor, gaining allies, conquering lands, and slaying foes, but at the end of the day it’s all meaningless because it’s a Hell. There’s always something that wants to kill you and you never get to relax. It’s boring. Like a constant tension but overall a really low constant tension. It’d be like moving to a town with only hermit crabs but the hermit crabs had put a bounty on your head. Sure maybe a hermit crab will kill you but who really cares what these dumb angry hermit crabs are doing when you have the much bigger problem of accidentally moving to a town with only hermit crabs. Why did you do that? Why not live somewhere else? Nothing against hermit crabs specifically, only the angry murderous ones. It’s unlikely any business catering to humans could possibly stay open in this town. Anyway, a story that’s just constant tension or a story with no tension are very much the same and pretty boring in generally.

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It’s like how in horror they don’t just have the monster scream into the camera for two hours. A film with a monster screaming into a camera for two hours might do well in an indie market as a joke for maybe a week at best but no one would really enjoy it and no one would be scared by the end. If you want to make something most people would like you have to vary the flow. Maybe, after screaming for a minute, the monster could go get a sandwich. But then they’re trying to open a jar, you see, and they can’t get the lid to move an inch. That’s some tension. Then maybe you could have a monster friend show up and they could try and who knows maybe they can open it. Already we have improved this movie greatly.

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This gif hardly relates but Draco started getting into the look at this persons face melt section of gifs so it’s good enough.

There are times we are afraid and times we are relieved and it’s those times that make the next spot of fear even more powerful. If a plant gets no water it’ll die but if a plant gets only water it’ll die. So Draco would have preferred if there had been some area in Shadow of Mordor where there were friendly folk in a peaceful environment where you could buy things and chat. In Transistor there are these backdoor areas where you could lie on a hammock and bounce a beach ball. Eventually you even unlock a dog to play with.  Unlocking dogs is 10/10 game design. Shadow of Mordor should have had like a magic ghost dog.

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Settings that make the reader, viewer, listener uncomfortable can be great but if you only have uncomfortable settings well maybe everyone would prefer a pillow. Very few people would choose to voluntarily spend their time trapped in a hell.

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There was another thing Draco didn’t like about Shadow of Mordor aside from the flat knockoff LOTR characters which you know, you gotta forgive that a little. Sadly it doesn’t relate to the article. See, the thing everyone always brings up about Shadow of Mordor is the Nemesis system. The Nemesis system was a great mechanic to create dynamic stories involving super cool orc rivals. Seeing your favorite orc and defeating them was great fun and for some reason no one has really used this idea again. XCOM tried but they were too static overall. They were likeable characters sure but there could have been more there like adaption and the opposite of adaption. Plus since there were only 3 once you killed them all it got really boring.

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So the Nemesis System was all well and great but it actually ended up being too good. So there was this one orc, he had a bird mask and was a tracker. You’d be doing something else and then bird mask would swoop down and be like ” Hey. I found you.” and then he’d “die”. It was always a relief to see bird mask cheat death, until it wasn’t. Unless you actually beheaded the orcs they’d have a chance to come back and well bird mask lost his head. The coolest dude in the entire game dead before the middle. At that point all the even marginally cool ones were dead and replaced by losers. It’d be like if one of the Captain Planet kids died and was replaced by some new kid with the power of teeth. People complain about heart enough as it is. Bird mask made the bleak hell that is Mordor into something to look forward to. Sure it was bad but there was a reason to be there; kill bird mask. When they died and were replaced it was just another signal saying that nothing in Mordor matters at all. Just a bunch of people no one cares about wandering a land on its death-bed and Draco isn’t talking about [Spoilers] A Feast For Crows.

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This is essentially what bird mask looked like. Draco’s bird mask person was cooler.



Imagining Armaments and The Cat’s Pajamas


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Draco could not find his blag. Google changed the icon in the bookmarks bar from the usual WordPress one to Twitter for some reason. Draco certainly didn’t ask for that.

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Draco has been watching a lot of this one series by a channel called “Shadiversity”.  This may be a pretty well-known channel but Draco searched the socials and found almost nothing on it. Basically the videos of interest are about examine fantasy races like centaurs and determine what medieval weapons would be best for them.  It’s all opinions obviously and in some of the videos they don’t really go into resources, intelligence, terrain, but that sort of thing does get mentioned occasionally. They just did a video on fairies and they immediately discounted poison which is fine but then couldn’t see a use for ranged weaponry. If you combine the two it may make up for the lack of power AND the use for range weaponry is to keep the giant murder creature away from your tiny fae organs. Sure they can maneuver like nobodies business but it’s always better to have the thing trying to kill you die without having to get into their murder range. They also had this sort of thing with mermaids. They proposed a fight between mermaids and some people in a boat. Obviously mermaids will have the advantage in water but they proposed using hooks to pull in people for cruel irony. Why not sink the ship instead? Just anchor the ship and you have all the time in the world with little to no accuracy required. Their videos on Centaurs and Lamia( Snake people( Also called Naga half the time but you know)) are pretty good. Here is the playlist for you though some of them don’t fit the same theme like the one about fighting dragons when it really should have been best weapons for a dragon.


So while Draco worked on his fourth attempt of that novel( Draco ‘s goal was 20,000 words rather than 50 but Draco ended up with 40 if you count everything including this post.) from last year Draco also did Nekovember. Also by Fourth Draco is counting the second one where Draco only did a page and the third which was only a chapter. Anyway on Nekovember you’re supposed to draw Cat People( Most people tend to do Cat Girls exclusively but Draco did end up with some Cat Guys) and since Draco’s world that he has been world building has Cat People it seemed like a great opportunity to flesh out that area. The part Draco is most excited about is the idea of cats with nine lives. Basically Draco decided that Cat people become vampires like all the time. Draco shall explain later when we get to an example of one.


Here we have one of Draco’s favorites. SOMEHOW they got left out and Draco had to go back and add them. Draco was about to post too. The pose Draco found on a picture of a Barbie doll while Draco was looking for real farmers but since that was a doll Draco had to change it slightly. The outfit Draco likes but plaid is annoying to draw. If Draco had to draw them all the time there would be so much pain. Anyway, they are a farmer. Chickens exist in the world Draco’s building; it’s official. Do Chicken People exist is the question you should be asking. Actually that would probably be a type of harpy and Draco already said those exist. Farming isn’t as intensive as it is in real life because magic but it’s not just sitting around waiting for crops to harvest themselves either.


So this Cat Girl is an assassin. CynarqolastalidaBgork is a nation ruled by 9 judges who rule through absolute decree. This Cat Girl would be like a bounty-hunter. You’d just be walking down the street, unaware a judge wants you dead, and then this girl runs by and blam you’re dead. Draco has come around to the idea of magic guns but Draco feels crossbows would be more readily available and could be augmented with magic so really what’s the point?




Here we have a rock & roll Cat Girl. They are fully aware cats are a thing and apparently they’ve embraced that. Draco always laughs about the concept of rock & roll in a society like this and they’re all ” Fight the man!” at first but then they’re like ” The man is pretty cool and fighting the man is bad!” which is tragic. You’ll notice that both of the above wear boots and that’s actually a religious thing. There are essentially three main deities who have dominion over this region and they all influence the fashion a bit like celebrities. This is felt less so in other regions but in CynarqolastalidaBgork these three deities just walk around so they impact the culture more. Additionally they wear collars and don’t have their tails out because of the vampire stuff but we’ll explain later. Having one’s tail out is considered indecent and uncouth while the collar symbolizes an intent not to murder everyone around you.  The rest of the outfits may have minor significance but it’s mostly just convenience and environmental factors.



Draco wanted prosthetic limbs to be pretty advanced. Basically in Draco’s world’s lore, there was originally a super advanced Cyberpunk world, but the world ended and kinda like Horizon Zero Dawn people are working their way back up. They went for more of a caveman thing and Draco went medieval fantasy. So many of the civilizations are working with super high-tech technology which they can’t really figure out but oh well. As you can see the collar has a different symbol, which Draco decided symbolizes wealth. This allowed this Cat Girl to get these cool arm replacements as opposed to just having magic fix it.



Draco wanted to draw a lawyer since the land is ruled by judges but ended up with an angry teen Cat Girl instead. Maybe she is training to be a lawyer or a judge maybe.


Draco tends to draw girls most of the time, both for convenience and preference. This guy ended up sneaking in though because Draco can’t draw lawyers. It is apparently impossible. He is suck a smug Cat Guy.



These two appear in Draco’s novel pretty early on. B Retca and N Wroht are their names and they’re miners on the search for powerful ancient relics. Draco forgot the naming conventions so it’s a good thing Draco checked. The reason for that is most likely just reject the first name last name conventions which were probably suggested by the other gods, goddess, or overseers not from their region whom they hate. Some take last names if it makes their name cooler while others don’t. Even CynarqolastalidaBgork is named as such because it annoys the gods. Draco enjoys how CynarqolastalidaBgork strives to antagonize the gods the most yet they also follow them dogmatically. Well maybe aside from the Brairlot people who think they’ve been enlisted in a secret holy war but the thing about them is they’ll throw anything aside for war so their entire idea of worshiping is different. It’s hard to judge. Faeries are also pretty big on religion but they have a more casual friend relationship.



This is a Cat Child. At this point in their development they can’t really do anything with the tails. Draco is just happy Apples exist. Draco likes apples.




This is a store. Draco had an idea what everything was when he drew them but now it’s questionable at best. Draco is still using the triangle money. Draco imagines this triangle money is like the standard money that any other money would be judged by.


The Cat Girl in the middle is one of the Nine Judges of CynarqolastalidaBgork. Draco figured at least one of the judges should be a Cat Person. The outfit is inspired by a dress Draco saw from apparently a Miss Universe pageant but Draco added the shoulder pads and did everything else off-hand.  One of the guards Draco did in pen and then Draco just flipped them and changed their face and ears a bit. Draco assumes this would be a pretty standard guard uniform here and the hair is a wig.




This Cat Girl inspired the idea of a resistance faction. Basically she’s just a sukeban character. She wears neither collar nor boots and her tail is wild and free. Don’t you just get the feeling she’ll jump out of the screen and steal your lunch money?


Draco started running out of ideas half way through and went to a generator. The result Draco got was a leggy Cat Girl wearing furs. So Draco immediately though of a lion so Draco went with that. Fur collars always looked a little bit like manes to Draco. This would probably be real fur as this is a fantasy setting but if they bought it in certain areas it might be magically harvested fur which leaves the animal alive and the fur grows back quickly. It’s just remotely traumatizing.



This Cat Girl is a fan of both goddesses equally so they’ve incorporated elements from both into their outfit. The hat, boot, and flower are from Justynia and the neck piece, robe, and shoe are from Anatice. Draco likes when they’re both supported since they’re twins and one being more popular than the other would be kinda sad. Draco would feel bad.



This Cat Girl is like that poster where it says hang in there. Another fan of Anatice not that that helps the predicament. 



Based on the outfit Draco would say they live on or near the border and they’d probably like to leave for the much cooler magical land next door but the collar symbolizes that they’re rich and they probably have duties of some sort to attend to. It’s that or maybe that they get to watch the armies move through and then get slaughtered by the enemy defenses. They could be sad for any number of reasons. It could be that they haven’t figured out how to control their tail yet and it just sticks up like that. Who knows.



It was at this point Draco realized a Cat Person could go collarless but hide the fact under a scarf or a cloak. What are you going to do, begrudge them of wearing weather appropriate clothing? Just now Draco realized hiding the ears and tail would have made just as much sense but hindsight and all that.



A Strong Warrior has arisen.  Draco wanted to think about what the soldiers would wear. This ended up being far too impractical for the average soldier. Then Draco was thinking about it and most of CynarqolastalidaBgork’s army along with most armies would likely be things like Golems. Having a heavy plated commander then makes sense in that situation. The area most vulnerable would be their legs but a leg injury in a world with magic that’s like a leg sprain and they could just order the Golems to carry them away.



The idea here was blacksmith. CynarqolastalidaBgork isn’t known for their blacksmiths but they are known for a material with tiny glass fibers added to it that is essentially a fabric stronger than metals. This material is used in a variety of areas but mostly it’s used in a more protective than normal underwear that covers most of the torso and all the joints. Some people choose not to cover their entire torso as part of their practice of annoying the gods with their terrible decisions.



Steampunk. They literally chose a worse arm just to go with their aesthetic. According to Draco’s magic system this would make their spells stronger but really they could have got a hand with fingers.



Throwing sticks are used in celebratory holidays. You throw them and they hit each other and it makes a clattering noise. The best thrown sticks can be made into wands.



This Cat Person favors Bristian for some reason. Those who devote themselves to Bristian fully and cut off their arms are blessed with fire arms. This is obviously fairly stupid but Bristian is an idiot full of hot air who wants pomp and circumstance. 



Detective Cat Girl! A Cat’s curiosity catches the killer!



Here we have a Cleric essentially. Their main goddess if Anatice. Picking Anatice is considerably more expensive than picking her sister. Still cheaper than both your arms.



Draco wanted to base these on cats since they’re Cat People.  Draco often sees cats with one eye but everyone still loves them and it’s really cute and it makes Draco happy. Great, now Draco is crying. They were probably born with one eye otherwise they’d have magic’d it back in or they’d have a cool robot eye. Maybe they just haven’t had the opportunity.



So here we have a Cat Vampire. People will sometimes say vampires are lame because humans with their tiny jaws are not effective when tasked with jaw combat. People are better at hand combat supposedly. Well a Cat Person has claws, pounces like both cats and vampires, and they can’t handle garlic. Don’t give garlic to your cats, dear readers, it is bad for them. Also while looking the concept up Draco learned in Japan some people believe or believed that cat tails could be used to hypnotize their prey so they sometimes cut them off. That lines up with vampire’s hypnotic eyes they sometimes have. And cat eyes have eyes better adapted to low light, a thing vampires have or would love to have. So Draco decided the Cat People must become vampires. But these Cat Vampires are even better than regular vampires. Generally when a person becomes a vampire after dying they become stronger, faster, yadda yadda. Well a cat with nine live can die nine times and therefore become a vampire far more than the average one life chump. Draco also set it up so they are born as vampires 30% of the time meaning they start off with a major advantage and can gain so much vampiric power. Their retractable claws and teeth become sharper and their muscles become stronger including their tails. Draco likes to imagine their tails allowing them to kick off the ground and leap at prey.

So on the topic of collars, in Dracula there was a part where a character dies and so they put a crucifix necklace in their coffin and plan to cut the person’s head off. This obviously goes badly but the idea is that the collars work like those crucifix necklaces. If they are wearing them when they die they do not become vampires. This Cat Vampire is employing the strategy of hiding where the collar would be but stronger ones wouldn’t need to do this unless they wanted to.

There is also the tail thing. Because the tails could be hypnotic and also because the more muscly and wild tails are harder to hide this makes for an easy way to spot them. Basically Draco decided when a Cat person becomes a vampire their tail gets longer so the stronger vampires won’t be able to hide at all.

It should be noted that Cat people have segmented souls. So it works like Voldemort but they’re born with their souls pre-broken instead of having to do what Voldemort did. That’s how they get the bonus of additional vampiric transformations.




Draco had an idea the other day. What if some of these Cat People opened a Cat Cafe. All the staff and most of the patrons would be Cat People and they’d be surrounded by cats. Draco has to specify that because Nekopara is kinda like that but this would be Nekopara mixed with Hustle Cat and more.  Draco picked the name A Catfe of Cats because Draco made the sign far too large. Draco started with Catfe, added the of cats, and then shoved an a in to make it go all the way across. It’s a mess but all good venue names have a messy story to accompany them.


So the plot starts out with this cafe, just your average cat cafe, run by Cat People, with Cat People patrons, but then one lazy afternoon a stranger runs in all disheveled and collarless. The staff moves to serve this customer as they would any other but while taking care of them they realize this panicked stranger is a vampire. Everyone is shocked such a terrifying monster would enter their cafe but this person seemed nice enough and the cats liked them too. Alas the guards arrive to slay the beast. They demand to know why the vampire is collarless but the staff steps in and announces that the vampire is just their newest hire and they were going to have to get into uniform soon. The guards are skeptical but then the staff points out that vampires can’t come in unless invited and what sane cafe would invite their doom in( Ignoring the open welcoming sign on the door). So the guards leave but they give a little we look forward to coming back here as they go out the door do now they have to actually employ the vampire or they’ll probably all be executed. Draco thinks it could be cute and looks forward to finishing his novel so he can start whatever this will be.





Here we have a cool resistance member selling stuff out of their coat. The important part of the collar is the charm but without it you can get by in society without being hassled.





This Cat Vampire has a nice long tail and wears a little crown. Clearly the cream of the crop. They were probably pretty rich and either got out of wearing a collar or wore one of those rich person collars which are less effective. Either way they would have taken their resources and fled west. That’s where the resistance is based and it’s closer to Cohavy, a magical land where Vampires are accepted that also doesn’t particularly like CynarqolastalidaBgork. The Rich rebels and Cohavy fund the vampire rebellion with equipment and blood. Sadly the upstart Zerg-like of Slimera has cutoff easy access between the two but it’s still possible for those who can survive the perils.



See, the pouncing thing. They kick off with their ridiculously powerful tail and glide with their cute little cape which may or may not be magic depending on if you want to do the math but we’re talking about vampires so hey don’t judge to hard there.



There is no reason one has to be all broody as a vampire. Vampires are just people with unusual dietary needs and also cool powers and unfortunate weaknesses. Sure they’re died and all that but you can still have fun. We have been inching toward squirrel territory but for that the tail would be wider, the teeth would be different, and whiskers would be left out.

So when Draco was writing out his world building notes for this section on Cat Vampires mentioned a few individuals, powerful magic users, who took advantage of their unique souls to become Liches. The ground shakes where they walk(metaphorically as that would be impractical) and they lead the resistance, having carved out a swath in the west to house the discontented and fleeing. . In some rp systems vampires and liches can’t coexist but the way Draco set this up they totally could. The combination of covers the weaknesses of each meaning killing them would be incredibly convoluted. It seemed fair to make the success rate extremely low but it has happened. Draco was hoping one would pop up in this series but the magnitude felt to difficult to convey at the present moment. They should look really cool and intimidating though like a cute dark souls.



Angel Cat Person! Draco’s pen ran out doing this one so Draco used every color at his disposal.

So angels in Draco’s world are naturally occurring but also anyone can become one. It’s more of a job than anything. That makes naturally occurring ones kinda weird now that Draco thinks about it. Like imagine going to a McDonald’s and then finding out all the employees were grown in a vat specifically to be employees at McDonald’s. Maybe they can quit. Oh maybe they have like an angel rumspringa where they live for like a year among the people. That worries Draco a bit because these angels are a bit like a cat with a laser pointer. This angel would be doubly screwed in the laser pointer department.

The pose is of stretching, presumably after a cat nap. Even though Draco imagines they’re a hard worker there is still plenty of time to nap.





Witchapalooza 2: Witch Repost Extravaganza!


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Draco did Witchtober again therefore it’s time for the wrap up post like last year. This year it’s late because Draco did too many things and most of those things will go unused.  Draco will now repost all of the witches that actually got posts and then maybe elaborate on them because 140 characters hasn’t been enough for most of them.


Heroic Witch sticks the three-point landing with a Reaper-looking owl.

Pretty standard. It was nice how the outfit made it so Draco didn’t have to draw a second foot. The owl was going to be a hawk but the Reaper owl is easier.


Bubble Witch is bubble zorbing. Maybe she’s off to buy some bubble tea with all the money she makes on redbubble.

Basically the idea was bubbles.


Android Witch appreciates the magical beauty of nature.

The magic was a Konosuba reference.


Traffic Cop Witch barely needs the sign with top-notch telekinetic hand signals. Definitely didn’t cause an accident again.

Basically the idea was telekinesis stopping traffic accidents but not every good idea is a success.


Middle Management Witch thought getting promoted would make them happy. Middle Management Witch was wrong.

This is actually Urban Witch from last year. Next year she’ll probably be upper management or better but will that bring her happiness? Probably not.



It’s armor plus the musical genre. They got the cool mask because Draco messed up on the mouth. The hair ended up really nice and the armor is pretty ok. The book is a reference to the Mad Magician MAGES..


Cyberpunk Witch can select her spell with a convenient magic app.

Draco liked the outfit and another outfit so Draco combined them. When Draco looked up cyberpunk it was mainly just people wearing ordinary clothes; nothing special. This one did help Draco start working on a sort of magic internet/technology for Draco’s world building. It works better than the previous idea of “There are just some areas with tech and the rest don’t have it.”. Some areas still won’t have access while others have extremely high-tech stuff but this is a helpful healthy medium. Plus the way Draco has mana working it’s basically WiFi so this was a happy conclusion. Draco isn’t sure why more people don’t do it this way because it makes the conservation of ninjutsu more reasonable.


Lich Witch is allowed to wear cute clothes! Lich Witch is allowed to be happy! Stop bullying Lich Witch!

Draco likes liches but they are so often portrayed in their bare bones form. A magic user with enough skill to become a lich should easily be able to repair flesh or at the very least create new flesh to graft on. Sure healing magic hurts undead but the grafting idea would work in that case. A lich can be cute if they wants to be!


Haberdasher Witch is… pretty normal actually. She uses magics to make hats and accessories sometimes.

Draco based his magic system on aesthetic and understanding oneself so a Haberdashery would probably do good business. But perhaps her business is doing too well. You don’t want to make enemies in the world of Haberdashery.


Medium Witch talks to Ghost Witch even when Large Witch, Small Witch, Tiny Witch, and Giant Witch tell her not to.

All of those other sized Witches are probably right. At some point Draco decided Ghost Witch is some sort of Drug Kingpin who ruthlessly slaughtered all her competition until one day when it was decided that her crimes could no longer go unpunished. Despite her final punishment she still runs her operations from beyond the grave, just with a little more restraint. Medium Witch is too young to know about all this but Medium Witch will talk with just about anyone. That’s why she’s a medium.


Sheep Witch is doing… something? It’s sheep related obviously… She’s cute so you should support her regardless.

Sheep Witch is most likely another sort of Crime Lord. You could call her a wolfsheep in sheep’s clothing. Unlike Ghost Witch, Sheep Witch knows how to keep things on the lamb.


Cosplay Witch / Candy Corn Weiss.

Draco would say Cosplay Witch takes on the persona of the character she wears and gains their abilities as well. One of the animators at Rooster Teeth liked this one and Draco was pretty thrilled.


This Witch is a Pie Romancer or as they are more commonly known a pyromancer.

Draco felt possessed when making this one. The idea occurred and then it was done. Pie Romancer has a business but isn’t a criminal like the last few who owned businesses. Not the most hygienic outfit but oh well.


Romance Witch. Romance is of course shorthand for Roman Centurion. She’s the most romantic from her entire legion.

Draco apparently is too bashful to think of romance in the general sense and must hide that with humor. This one ended up being pretty unpopular and Draco blames the coloring for that. All, a hint, or nothing. That’s what people like. Also this Witch doesn’t really fit the world Draco’s built because of the whole “No Rome” thing. Maybe someone found some outfits in an archaeological dig and started a Roman group of mercenaries or something. Either way she wouldn’t technically be Roman. The same could be said for Cosplay Witch so it’s probably fine.


Sellout Witch runs too many ads. Sellout Witch is being paid 10,000 cold ones to appear today.

Draco doesn’t know why Draco ended up drawing either a Twitch Streamer or a Camgirl because it’s not like those are inherently sellout-y but it gave the opportunity to make tons of ads which is something a sellout would do. Running ads is fine but something like this isn’t. You ever go on a website and it’s 90% ads despite being perfectly reputable? It’s a turn off and distracts from what you’re trying to do.  Mainly Draco just wanted to do a bunch of funny ads. The chair is Baba Yaga inspired and the vacuum is inspired by Shizuku’s Blinky from Hunter x Hunter. The entire idea is probably inspired by Streaming-chan from Va-11-Hall-A who does come off as a sellout. Being a sellout isn’t always a bad thing.  Also note Draco still hasn’t decided on a currency name. They will however be shaped like triangles.


Rogue Witch has mastered stealth AND telekinesis. Imagine all that belt money. Wow.

This was a thing you could do in Skyrim. Draco didn’t do much thieving so Draco never did but some of y’all probably did. The warning is there to warn travelers that the potions are too strong and they cannot handle them. The potions would kill them. They can’t handle them.  They should go to a section that sells weaker potions. These are potions that could kill a dragon, let alone a traveler. No one can handle them. They are for the strongest beings. These are potions that can do anything .a mere traveler is too weak and thus they must be warned about these strong potions which they cannot handle.


Harpy Witch is bullied for being a witch & a harpy by both harpies and witches respectively.

So Harpies in Draco’s world are basically divided into two types. There are the militaristic and needlessly cruel harpies who derive pleasure from the suffering of others. Most of their thoughts are about warfare and torture. They interact with society and fight in the wars of others to take out their aggression. Volunteering to protect others only to satisfy their cruelty. They will respect chain of command but only because the higher-ups have proven that their commands will eventually allow them to inflict great pain on others. Generally they live in smaller weaker areas because those countries, cities, towns, etc have fewer soldiers to steal their kills and more enemies in general. You could say it’s noble to side with the innocent underdogs against the evil empire but not the way they do it.

There is also the other group who would rather not give into their violent impulses and live in the woods with actual birds. The more violent Harpies are actually really supportive of this because it gets them out-of-the-way.

Ultimately though everyone is different and Harpy Witch wants to live in the big city and not torment others. Because Harpies in the big city are known for being jerks the other Witches are wary of Harpy Witch, while the Harpies would prefer Harpy Witch focused on magic with a bit more “wounds that never close”, “blood igniting lasers” or at least work on enchanting magic weapons. .



Please stay still so this witch who is trying her best can practice on you. One more try and she’ll have it for sure!

Draco got very emotional from just the concept of this one. Apparently people doing their best gets Draco right in the heart. Draco wasn’t thinking of Akko but that’s pretty much example prime. Regardless this Witch hasn’t had the easiest time. Basically in this world you want to start learning magic probably around 16 at the earliest. Some people can start whenever and be fine while some people need a significantly later start date. It depends. This Witch tried learning at 14 and received a variety of burns and a large missing chunk of leg for her trouble. Seeing as it isn’t all the uncommon for children to liquefy their insides or self destruct being burned isn’t that bad. Even so none of it has dissuaded her. The initial shock and the permanent damage to her body is holding her back but her attitude will get her through it for sure!


A Stitched Witch in time can save 9. In fact they’re the only one who can. Good luck.

Stitched Witch was born like this for some reason. She’s works with Haberdasher Witch and sells super strong fireproof thread at the Haberdashery. the stiches on her clothing vary from fashion reasons to holding her body together.


The Witch with far too many knives could use help carrying her knives. Would you be so kind as to help her carry some?

Basically she only learned magic so she could carry more knives. Soon enough she had so many knives she couldn’t carry them even with magic. Then she got more knives. Her broom is an ax made of knives. Stitched Witch helped her make that by the way. She learned to summon a knife familiar. Why does she like knives so much? Because as a child she saw a knife and liked it.


Cacti Witch brings the rain but not the umbrellas. Hopefully Friendly Umbrella Witch shows up soon.

Cacti Witch had to be in the traditional cacti pose. This is probably also a genetic thing. Basically in the lore the gods were trying to make what is generally considered fantasy races using trial and error. The acceptable tries got to stay in the above ground and the really far off versions were sent to the underground to prove their usefulness and entertain the gods if they were into that sort of thing.


Here’s a question for the ages. Which witch is the true Chameleon Witch?

Basically the idea was what would blend in like a chameleon. The leftmost is kind of all Assassin’s Creed blend into the crowd sort but considering no one dresses like that they stand out. The bush would do well in a forest. This is a city. The rightmost is essentially the most generic witch Draco could draw. She has the belt Draco often draws, the hairstyle Draco defaults to, and the shoes are just simple black shoes. If there were cars she would drive a Ford Focus. That’s a common car, right? Nothing on her stands out except maybe the hip flare because Draco is always bad at varying that sort of thing.

One last thing. Some of you probably didn’t notice but right above the bush. Check out that area.


Fruit Witch… seems fast? She probably as really sugary blood? Enemy of all Medical Witches. She’s an odd one.

The above sums it all up pretty well. Despite the others having their quirks Fruit Witch seems the most unusual to Draco. Also she makes Draco want to draw vampires.


WikiWitch is able to receive information from some otherworldly encyclopedia directly to their head.

WikiWitch is a sort of Oracle. She essentially has the power to download random Wikipedia articles into her brain. She can also upload information but considering our world and theirs is different most of her uploads will be removed. Well assuming people removed articles like that.


Android Witch has to stay in peak physical condition to defeat her rival, Apple Witch.

She’s based on Android the operating system for Phones and etc. It’s ok to have a phone since Cyberpunk Witch cleared the way for it. Apple Witch is more like related to the fruit known as apple. Fruit Witch definitely has some sort of authority over Apple Witch.


According to a drunk scientist and lemmings who’d fool themselves there is no way Bee Witch should be able to fly.

Bee Witch probably wouldn’t die if she stung you. She can fly, but if she were dead, like the bee used to calculate whether bees could fly, she wouldn’t be flying. If you need to tell yourself that scientists are blind to reality using a misconstrued stupid anecdote then you’re blind to reality. That left hand is perhaps the best hand Draco has ever drawn.


Green Witch is here for renewable solar energy regardless of whether electricity is being used as a power source yet.

Solar energy is great. Wind energy is also great. Deer are great. Deer with knives? Draco won’t complain.


Caffeinated Witch generally needs 20g of pure caffeine extract each morning. Lately she’s need more.

Draco likes her face. It’s like she is simultaneously younger and older than she is. Draco decided 20g because Draco googled it and someone said 17g will kill the average person. This is just in the morning she has more later. Basically she works with the Super Generic Witch from earlier and they learned how to make body doubles so when Caffeinated Witch say tries to use the restroom, find a seat in the meeting room, or park her broom she finds a bunch of lifeless human paperweights occupying everything. Sometimes it’s even a fire hazard they just leave them in the hallway and no one does anything about it.


Sand Witch didn’t enjoy this outing. The store clerk had a bucket hat, there was a smelly curtain, and it rained! Sand Witch doesn’t like the rain. It makes her soggy. At least she has her Sandpanion. Conjuring/ summoning magic is the coolest type.Draco has a few cool ones in the wings. Next one does Graffiti summons, another makes body-doubles, and the summoning summoner who summons.

The outfit is inspired by both the outfits in Journey and also Azura from Fire Emblem Fates. The Sandpanions face is inspired by a manga that was cancelled because the author slept with the publishers wife, if Draco remembers correctly. She’d probably be from a town in Eastern Cohavy or Western CynarqolastalidaBgork but at this point she must have moved because all of these witches are living in the same town currently. She probably falls on her face a lot. The real question is “will Sand Witch and her Sandpanion fall in love?”. The answer is probably no. Sandpanion is a simple construct summoned to help Sand Witch with tasks and doesn’t have emotions or a brain. They are made of sand.


Graffiti Witch will make you her next work of art.

Draco doesn’t know what that means. So threatening. So Graffiti Witch can summon things by painting them. She used to be weaker, being limited to the paint she had but then she made the math nurse looking one who can pull in matter using that needle and convert it to paint for the spray can. Her main weakness is probably being too stylized. Like why do you need a tin monopoly man to get stuff off shelves? Draco’s a fan but it isn’t efficient.


Her methods may be extremely unorthodox but she’s the best Detective Witch we’ve got.

Detective Witch is doing a lot of things wrong. Socks with sandals, leg wear that is neither shorts nor pants, a sweater crop top, glasses that were painted black to look cool, and a bag filled with only candy. Candy’s great but the candy at the bottom never gets eaten. She has spent so long pointing her finger is hard to move. It’s almost like she’s aware that famous detectives always have quirks and so she’s taken on a bunch of aspects to improve her detective skills. If it works it works.


But is she good enough to solve the MYSTERY WITCH KILLING?


Here’s some more evidence.

Draco figured a Mystery Witch would need not only a mystery but also a detective and several red herrings. It’s too bad it took Draco so long to decide because Draco totally could have made a game with several endings. Draco might still make that or something like that but not right now. Regardless Draco made a poll asking who people thought it was. Disappointingly the result was a tie between The Victim is the Killer and Sand Witch. Draco has to wonder why these options won. Maybe the evidence should have been labeled. It’s a shame some things had to be cut. Like the suspect interrogations. But funnily enough Sand Witch does mention a “smelly(smelling) curtain.”


Kinda sad that a bloody sack just hung from the rafters for quite some time without anyone questioning it. Not as sad as the fact that no one as even tried to remove that bucket. It’s been like two weeks.

Regardless the only thing that pointed to Sand Witch was the sand and that could be explained away. it should also be noted that directly underneath the body in the original pic the sand isn’t underneath the body as if that area had been cleaned. Why would Sand Witch only clean that area? You don’t need to worry about blood splatter when you’re just going to publicly display the body. Even if you did have to worry the sand is a dead giveaway to begin with, greater than any splatter.


Definitely strange.

Admittedly cleaning at all is a bit strange but so is setting up several other people for your crime. Like Detective Witch, Mystery Witch was supposed to be a witch with an obsession for mysteries. None of the setup for this crime makes much sense. Why hang half a body? Why cut the body in half? Why slit the throat or cut up the back? Why burn parts of the body and then dress the body in unburned clothes? So cleaning isn’t all that weird when you think about it. Setup was the goal and setup was done. The key, to solving this mystery, is asking who exactly the victim is.


You got that right!

Well looking at the jacket and the fact that Draco expects and person to put two and two together it must be someone you’ve seen and the only one with that jacket is Super Generic Witch from earlier. Now for the clues. Next to the trashcan with the bloody tarp in it there is a black something or other which hopefully you can tell is a shoe. It’s shoe shaped! Stitched Witch has a sort of boot that is not black. The Witch with far too many Knives has some sort white mules presumably with knives as the heel bit. Sand Witch has sandals. Four witches have shoes that are just black slip-ons and that’s arguable. We only see some of the shoes in regards to the one witch hiding in the bush and the Assassin’s Creed Style Blend Witch. The Witch trying her best has those shoes but would you call that face a murderer. Actually she is fairly burned and burning your victims wouldn’t be a shocking serial killer mo.


Darn that’s a good point…

The argument could be made that she isn’t anywhere near tall enough but magic exists and in her pic he is making a variety of floating mistakes. Brooms and ladders both exist and they could easily allow anyone to reach that height.


But we’ve only just begun.

There are however two pieces of evidence that defend the Witch who tries her best. One piece is that in her pic she is shown as a novice who if looked at objectively fails a lot. Her trying is great and all but the reality is that if she committed the crime there would be more mistakes. As for number two, well Draco didn’t put her on the poll. Draco isn’t a jerk who would just pull a character out of left field as the killer. The killer had to be on the poll. Now someone could say the killer bought these incredibly generic shoes. As for the Witch with far too many Knives, her idiosyncrasies are so severe that her entire life is built around knives. In her pic she is shown moving with so many knives she couldn’t carry them and she was probably moving to a new home with more room for knives. She has such a need to be surrounded by knives that rather than hire people to help carry the remaining knives the next day or perhaps putting some in storage she recruited random people to help asap. Why would she abandon knives? Why would she lose her cool knife shoes? Why would she hand someone she was already stabbing? Lastly why would she be in a shop that doesn’t sell knives to begin with? Considering Mystery Witch is most likely obsessed with mysteries the Mystery Witch probably enjoys all weapons used in murder, It just doesn’t fit. That’s why she was the obvious red herring and only one person picked her. As for Stitched Witch, she has to tie her shoes to her pants otherwise her feet will fall off. Her hands just kind of hang there most of the time so hanging the body and making the cuts to the back would be difficult. The would certainly be less uniform. If Stitched Witch was the killer why would there be any need for knives. Assuming she has the ability to get someone up there the knives wouldn’t really be needed. On top of that why would either of them need to burn the face and fingertips? The only real reason for that would be to hide the identity and the only suspect from the poll who fits that description would be the victim.


I think we’re almost there!

The victim who doesn’t have any blatant interests. The one that annoys Caffeinated Witch with the essentially human paperweights she leaves everywhere.


You’re the only one!

If you remember her first appearance, she was actually part of a mystery.  Mystery Witch may be able to blend into a crowd but through and through she is Mystery Witch.



Luck for her, killing a non-sentient body double she created isn’t even slightly illegal. At worst she wasted everyone’s time. If the vote had been in her favor instead of a tie she might have faced any sort of consequences for her actions but that’s neither here nor there. Some of the blame may rest on Draco but then again Draco has always said the first guess should always be the dead body. If you’re ever in one of those “trapped in a mansion with a serial killer” scenarios  just chop off their head. Yeah it’s gross but they are “dead” and if they aren’t well they were planning on murdering everyone including you anyway. The number of times the theory is wrong is outshone by the times you’ll be miraculously right. That wouldn’t have helped in this mystery but it’s something to keep in mind. Normally mysteries don’t take place in worlds where magic exists. Some would say body doubles are a cop-out but Draco introduced the concept in the most “this is a clue” way possible and played by the rules Draco had previously established. Draco honestly thought it was going to be too easy but oh well. Next year the mystery might be so convoluted not even Draco will know it’s a mystery.  Or has the next mystery already begun? Technially it has, but not in a realistic or practical way.


Gotta Go Fast and Gotta Go Slow


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It has been awhile since Draco wrote a post. Well that’s not true, Draco keeps writing one and then not posting it. That’s an important part of the creative process. Draco was once taught an acronym to remind Draco of that. Draco doesn’t remember the acronym but Draco does remember x = opposite b plus or minus square root of b squared minus 4 a c all over 2 a because Draco had to sing that one. That’s not how you write it that’s how you sing it. Look it up.

Draco got something in the mail the other day!  Draco ordered it like 6 or 7 months ago. Maybe 8?


Yes it’s the cavalry. They here.


Tracer Nendoroid. Pretty cute.DSCF6806.JPG

This is Draco’s first Nendoroid and it’s pretty well made. Draco was afraid removing some parts as they might break(specifically the legs oh and the forearms too) but that didn’t happen. The little guns stay on surprisingly well too.


The balance is pretty bad but obviously it would be and they did include a stand so it’s not a valid complaint. Stand as in an object to hold something up rather than the JoJo’s variety btw. The stand, however, while equipped with the attachment to give her a trail affect, is both not up to the task of a normal standing pose and also unwieldy in general.

Anyway, Nendoroids are pretty cool. Pretty cool. Yeeeeeee…


Draco started watching Love Live. Draco’s been watching more since realizing there was a Crunchyroll App on the Wii U. So the first episode you won’t believe this, the main protag just jump down the stairs. These aren’t even like 2 or 3 step stairs. If you took these stairs and placed them next to a two-story building you could definitely make it to the roof. So she just leaps straight down these stairs and then it cuts to the actual plot. So main protag Honoka is pretty bummed to find out her school is closing due to the schools low popularity and even lower enrollment numbers. Along with that she keeps seeing signs that talk about how popular school idol groups are. She wants to do something but what could she and her friends Kotori and Umi do? Sure is a toughie. Don’t worry, they figure it out early episode 2. Before that however we return where it all began. The stairs. She leaps to her untimely death but then she changes trajectory in mid-air and locks on the rails to slide “safely” down. Clearly she’s magnetic. An ordinary human can’t lock on to rails like that. Tony Hawk sure but not just anyone. So the show goes on with the trio becoming idols, making lots of friends, and maybe even saving their school. Oh and then there’s the super-duper ultimate competition known as the Love Live. Maybe they win that, maybe they don’t. Draco will leave you and your ability to read the name of the show to figuring out what happens. Watch it if you want. But none of that is the point. To be honest not even the following sentences will be the point. We’re probably half way to the point at this point. Let’s go. Draco follows this artist on Twitter because they drew some fanart of the wonderful Lord Junko Enoshima, blessed be her name from Danganronpa, one of Draco’s favorite characters. They seem to love two series above all else, Danganronpa and Love Live. They retweeted a series of tweets featuring the nine main voice actors for Love live along with an If you’re a fan of this VA then you have these personality traits” caption. It’s not that unusual. Draco didn’t recognize any of them because their voice actors for an anime Draco only just started watching. The only voice actors Draco tends to recognize are Critical Role people and some Rooster Teeth people. Draco did however suspect one person, the one they refered to as Soramaru, was a specific character, Nico Yazawa, aka the best character. Draco decided to look it up and surprisingly there was no person with that name as their actual name on the cast at all. Google didn’t even have any suggestions for who it might be. Now it does because they are big dumb jerks and also sometimes desktop and mobile search results are different but when Draco looked it did not have a clue. Draco was confused as to why the twitter person would get a name wrong when they’re obviously big fans. So Draco was in full research mode( Draco searched for Nico Yazawa and obviously they had the voice actors name in one of the wiki articles) and discovered that it wasn’t actually that complicated. Apparently it’s their nickname. Their full name is actually Sora Tokui and they definitely voice Nico so Draco was right.


On reflection they were most likely dressed specifically as their character and they don’t just look like them all day every day but hindsight is 20/20 and Draco was right so that’s all that matters. Plus out of all of them Sora and Nico look the most similar. Probably because of the hair color. Draco was very pleased to have solved this mystery and decided to continue reading their wiki page. Now to the point. Apparently they don’t like going down flights of stairs. Draco was happy to hear of another person who isn’t the biggest fan of them and prefers to take it slow. It’s always nice when find something about someone that’s relatable. Draco would also prefer to take stairs slowly for reasons unknown. Whenever Draco goes down stairs Draco likes to let everyone else go first so Draco doesn’t hold everyone up. It’s not like Draco goes slowly but from a video Draco watched we go about the same speed. That’s not even the best part though. Remember at the beginning Draco was sitting on the edge of his seat during a show about friendship and music because of stairs? Yeah we came full circle. Draco thought to himself “Draco needs to blog about that!” and so Draco did. Is there a moral to this? “Did you write a 600 word paragraph to essentially say you and several other people would rather not break their necks on stairs?” you’re probably asking. Well, hypothetical Straw Man of Mystery, no one invited you, Draco being excited about a topic is more important than any of your selfish desires to glean insight, and maybe, just maybe, one day, while you waddle about, you’ll think about this post before going down the stairs, and on that day Draco will have saved your life. You’re welcome.

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Draco was going to post a picture of someone falling down stairs but we need to talk. What is this? What step could this possible be? That guy looks like he’s trying to convince her to fall down, not anything helpful.  He looks like the slightly rich guy on dramas who doesn’t get his way so he decided to be irrationally cruel to someone but then he still doesn’t get his way. Eventually he’ll probably learn what a jerk he is and then go meditate on a boat that will inevitably be washed onto some deserted island where he’ll lead a lord of the flies style “society” with a cannibalism cult twist( was there cannibalism in lotf? Draco doesn’t remember.). Or maybe he’ll just try to kill her and then Brad will shoot him temporarily dead until the brain transplant.

Draco’s brain autocorrected nearly every instance of the word stair into stare and Draco had to go back and fix each one because WordPress doesn’t have a find and replace function that Draco can see at this moment. Then there’s the thing where they make Nico into Nice. Ugh.

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Desbear, Uselessness, and Chaos


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Alright. Draco’s been having trouble writing as Draco’s continued to have headaches. It seems every year Draco has a month-long head but this year Draco has had it going on 3 months(let’s hope September pans out). Luckily Draco has hardly anything to write about so it’s fine. Even this post which you can see is clearly posted took almost two weeks to write. Anyway Draco just ended up writing about a bunch of anime he watched.

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Draco apparently hates himself really bad. Draco tried watching Danganronpa the Animation( based on Danganronpa Trigger Happy Havoc. The story follows Makoto Naegi who despite being the equivalent of a piece of toast is selected to go to a school of the most talented elites as the Super Duper Ultimate Luckiest Luckmaster extraordinaire. But it doesn’t stop there; He and his class of Super Duper Ultimate Other Peoples find themselves imprisoned within the blink of an eye. The lovely & hateful Monokuma, a bear of 50% pure malice and 50% impure malice, appears and informs them the only way one can escape is by murdering someone to death till they die without getting caught by any of their wily classmates. ) again. Draco skipped a few episodes because jeez but still it’s better than the previous two attempts where Draco quit during the first episode. Those times Draco watched the dub. Some of those voice actors are pretty prevalent too and hearing them those times just permanently ruined their voices for Draco. The sub version worked better because Draco couldn’t understand the subtle nuances and inflections enough to hate it. Everything else was still bad though. It’s a whodunit that rushes through the investigations. Bits where they show the interface from the game are just a waste of time. They could have had more character development if Naegi didn’t need to generate the visualization of evidence as bullets in his mind, select the correct bullet, and fire said bullet. Pointing would have been enough. One nice thing they did was to allow the other characters to actually speak for themselves. The “tell them Naegi” makes sense in the game because it would be weird if everyone but you solved the mysteries themselves but if that had been in the show well… it would have been about just as bad. It’s like getting a 1 on a test with 100 points as opposed to 0. Sure it’s better but you still failed. They could have done all stick figures one episode and still received the same score. The only real positives are seeing the characters animated(Draco has used gifs from it a few times) and what can only be described as the “Sexy Monokuma Dance” in the OP.

That makes it all worth it. Oh plus since one of the main themes of the series is despair having a show that disappoints everyone is totally on brand.

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Seriously, the games are great. Novels are supposed to be good too. Check’em out.

Since Draco  already had Crunchyroll at hand Draco figured “Eh, let’s watch some other things”. So Draco started and finished Konosuba( The story of the Arch Wizard Megumin on a quest to make things explode often. Also there are some other people.One of them was like resurrected, another is a goddess, and there’s also a tall blonde lady without many good or notable qualities. they want to like defeat like a demon or something. Who knows?). ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC! Was shouting necessary? No but the show is so good is deserves to get one sentence of shouting. Splendid. The characters are all really good in the well done sense. They all get chances to shine and so you actually get to know them.  Most of them act sort of scummy half the time but the show never tries to make it seem like any of them are paragons of goodness. They also do a good job giving each character their own bit of focus so you actually have a reason to care. Oh and the character relationships are believable instead of a seemingly forced mess like some other show because they actually take the time. Anyway Draco wasn’t planning on doing a review. Draco just highly recommends the adventures of Megumin and the other people who are there.

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Draco took so long writing that paragraph that Draco finished Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid( The story of Miss Kobayashi who got drunk one day and stumbled upon an injured dragon whom she saved and then demanded become her maid which of course makes complete sense. Then some other dragons show up because wouldn’t you be concerned if one of your friends suddenly disappeared to go be someone’s maid). It has dragons. Very cute show.  It has dragons. The character relationships made Draco go “Aww” while Draco’s heart was melted.  It has dragons. Well except for Lucoa’s and Shouta’s. Lucoa is some sort of ex-god dragon who first lead the founding of civilization and Shouta is like 8 at best. Luckily as they are side characters they don’t really take u too much plot space. Oh and remember kids, if someone tells you not to touch them do not touch them. If someone draws away from you in terror do not approach them. That’s a rule regardless of age but age differences make it feel like it’s worse. Actually this is what Draco was talking about before.  In Konosuba this would be treated as the terrible act that it is but in Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid it’s “funny”. It’s a shame too because everything else is cute and fine. Thinking of the other characters gives Draco the feeling of a fond memory. And it has dragons, so that’s cool.


Framed, Fresh, and Free


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What a great title. Wow.

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Draco looked at the last post and now the iframe is working… When did that happen? iframes are the worst.

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It really says alot about iframes that all Draco had to type in to find this picture was “iframes”

Well there are obviously worse things but iframes are bad. They never work until you make “iframes not working” a topic in your blagpost. Then they decide to be broken till you post and have checked to make sure they’re broken. Sneaky little frames.

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Draco got that switch. A store that doesn’t misuse displays to trick people had 3 of them. Of course Draco also Splatoon 2’d. Draco liked the first one primarily because of the brilliant mascot use and nothing else. This time around Draco’s favorite of the two, Marie, got to be the main.  Draco usually hates platforming but mascots can make anything better. Draco wants to eventually draw Callie’s super cool spoliery outfit and Dio pose but Draco’s been out of commission for essentially all of July and the first part of August. Luckily the Switch can be used anywhere! The battery is definitely terrible though. If you use the charging cable while lying down the cord ends up pressed into you because they put the port( is port the right word?) on the bottom. It only really gets bad after a few hours but that’s kinda the point of extending the battery life so it’s definitely a flaw. The Wii U did it better. Overall the Wii U is just better but the Switch does have good points and no one is going to make anything for the Wii U so it’s necessary. Still, Draco has probably used his Wii U every day Draco possibly could since buying it and will continue to do so into the future. Can’t say the same for the Switch. Well unless they have a really good update or something. Splatfests will be fun. Plus that new Fire Emblem mixed with Dynasty Warriors.



Draco also picked up Pyre and finished that. Draco got a lot done while a feeling bad. Draco also read a few books but those were bad mainly from a character stance. The writing was fine; just a bad main. Everybody else was fine. Anyway Pyre is basically a book too and it’s a great one. Visual Novels are novels! They have novel in the name. What a novel concept. Draco will probably end up copying and pasting the writing Draco’s done so far into that format. Maybe not though. It depends. But Pyre is a lovely novel with a sporty element to it. There is an inherit spoilery problem but the problem does in a way add to your personal story so oh well. Essentially you have to choose people to liberate throughout the story and once you’ve liberated them they go away. The first person you pick will  be at a major disadvantage character developement wise. Regardless Draco probably got the best ending because Draco is the best fictional decision maker everer. The ending song, like all Supergiant Games, was great and apparently it changes based on what you do. Everything was beautiful as always and the characters were all very well done.  There were also a surprising number of choices. Usually you’ll get 4 at most but sometimes they had 8 or more of a strong variety.  Yep, Pyre’s great. That’s all. Here’s the launch trailer if you want it.