Blocks Blocks and Let’s Get Eevee Some Coffee

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So WordPress trying so sort of new editor and so far it seems horrendously too convoluted to be better. They even have the little css editor more prominently displayed but if Draco wanted to do that Draco would be using some other website. Even Tumblr would be better than that. Imagine a world where Draco put effort into making Tumblr posts instead of just cross-posting. Anyway they talk a lot about blocks in this new WordPress Update it it seems like they think you’d want to reuse paragraphs. That could help with formatting but why not just use a formatting brush. Maybe it works between posts but why not just let you save a favorite format instead or have more formatting options easily available to begin with? Moving paragraphs might be easier though. Another thing, it’s less cluttered but they aren’t effectively using the space just as they were before. The clutter before was extremely minimal and now that minimalism is even worse. We aren’t here for a notepad doc probably. Draco shouldn’t speak for you; you may have bad taste and want a notepad doc in place of something better and no one can blame you. 

It’s probably fine though. It’ll take time to get used to ooooor Draco can switch back to the old version apparently. By can Draco meant did already. Notepad docs have their uses but this shouldn’t be on of them. Spellcheck no longer seems to work in the old editor…

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Draco also “just” picked up Pokemon Let’s Go Eevee. It’s been made clear that this one is for beginners and that’s fine but it also kinda seems like they took that to mean less overall rather than beginner friendly. It’s fine, not terrible or anything, and sure it’s an improvement sort of on Pokemon Go. There are battles, Pet one of two Pokemon, dress up those Pokemon, and there are some other fun features but they took out improvements from the previous games which seem like they’d be good for beginners and that’s Oddish.

That’s a joke based on the word odd, in case you were struggling to figure it out since Draco was so subtle. Oddish is still in the game, it’s just a version exclusive. In the last games there was this feature where if you battled a Pokemon before the battle screen would tell you if a move would be effective or not in clear easy to read letters. This feature which would certainly help a child or adult who doesn’t want to remember that stuff and yet it doesn’t seem to be present. Another problem is that they took the Poke Mart out of the Pokemon Center. This makes sense since it’s a remake but just because it’s a remake doesn’t mean they can’t make improvements. They could have used the extra buildings for say a clothing shop instead of hiding outfits around like literal Easter eggs or maybe something related to having fun with Pikachu or Eevee like a … Pokefun center? Like a playground but inside a building? Or a cafe! Or put the cafe back in the Pokemon Center too. Having two shops, one that sells items vital for Pokemon, and one that sells food a drink, a thing you’d need to not die if this weren’t a video game, makes complete sense. Removing content does not necessarily make something more accessible to newcomers. A bicycle is, well Draco assumes, easier than a motorcycle to operate. That’s an example of something with less features that is easier to use. Handing a person two wheels would be far simpler than either of those two vehicles and yet Draco once again has to assume it would be more difficult to ride. Removing content can help but it can also do the opposite.  Draco couldn’t find a picture of this two wheels thing even though someone else would have definitely thought of that by now. Draco knows he isn’t the first person to imagine a person holding a bicycle wheel in their hands and standing on another wheel and then they’re either stuck or fall down. Even a picture would do but nothing remotely the same is coming up. Draco found it immediately after typing that.

There are positives though. It’s very cute. Aside from that it’s basically the same. Being essentially the same makes it essentially acceptable and the cuteness elevates it to better than acceptable. Science.  The cute is a factor that goes beyond what you can even imagine. Well that’s a bit of an exaggeration because you’ve probably seen it and can therefore imagine it. They are very cute, ok.

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Draco hurt his back. Not much to say on that. Hopefully it heals. A game that forces motions controls isn’t the best for that to be honest. Draco hasn’t finished it yet because, well, pain, but you know, we have an idea. Maybe something late game will make it a 10/10. Draco doesn’t want to be mean to it because it’s fine. plus cute. 

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We’ve surpassed Draco’s preferred 400 word limit and we haven’t begun the intended topic. By surpassed, Draco means more than doubled. Draco has to lean over to type which is’t great for his back.  Guess that mysterious first topic is out the window. Also Draco took far too long to post this. Draco’s back is nearly better probably hopefully maybe. 

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Witchapalooza 3: Witch Repost Extravaganza! With Bonus Witches! Wow!

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Witchtober-2018

Happy Witchtober everyone!

Draco did not end up writing a post every single day for Witchtober. Ultimately not every witch drawn had a multi-paragraph long backstory. Also Draco likes sleeping. It takes a little while to scan each Witch and post them. That’s what Draco did the first year. It takes longer to edit each Witch and post them. Seriously it takes Draco almost 40 minutes to tweet. Usually it’s staring at the words full of doubt and worry. Sometimes Draco catches a there their mistake but usually it’s fruitless. It’s not like here where auto-correct consistently changes words into correctly spelled other words so Draco doesn’t notice them. Mermay takes the longest because those are full color and there isn’t a prompt list. That’s an idea make a prompt list for Mermay. But doing a several thousand word post every day would have made this longer and it probably would have drained a lot of the fun out of it. So Draco will now instead do the repost thing with an equal yet somehow lesser amount of work. It’s more work and it’s in less time so why does it feel like less work? Time is weird.

Hello from future Draco, the map is also referenced quite often so here it is. This one is out of date but the current one is too big to saddle everyone with so keep that in mind.

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Witchtober Begins! and the Emblematic Witch Amari

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Here is the first one. Amari ended up being popular because she had the most content and the most time in the spotlight. This year there ended up being background characters which means next year there can be more cameos for characters we haven’t even met yet. That’s one of Draco’s favorite parts but also a reason the tweets take so long. Gotta double triple quadruple check all those names and even after that there’ll be mistakes. Any time Draco has to check lore it adds to the clock because Draco’s lore bible is a mess and some of it is less useful than others.  The section on living things, funerals, , the calendar, those are fine. societal and faction sections and the timeline could use some work but that’s a problem for Future Draco. Luckily Draco’s gods can usually explain away any problems with their usual temperament.

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This is where the text of the tweet would go if there was one. This witch though is a never before tweeted so this is just to let you know.

This is Swords Witch. A Witch that did not get posted because the prompt was Sword Witch not Swords Witch This was a very last-minute change and it’s probably for the best as Sword Witch was very popular and honestly better designed. Swords Witch is cute though with pretty much everything on her being sword themed. Her sleeves and skirt are all blades and the top is a hilt. The hat is a friendly volcano friend but if you distort it the hat becomes a hilt and guard. Are there other sword terms? Who knows. This Witch would be able to create swords Archer from Unlimited Blade Works style. The sword business is probably pretty good because of how the magic system works. You got a cool sword and then you can do some cool sword related magic probably. The hat that looks like a friendly volcano could replace the need for a forge with the right spell. Knocking their hat off would be the key to defeating them in combat. All of the metal and the sword theme would give them access to spells for increased durability and sharpness so they wouldn’t be defenseless without the hat but they’d lost a lot of range and adaptability plus any heat projectiles or resistance. Not sure why you’re plotting against them when they’re nothing but an agreeable blacksmith but you do you.

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“You fools. No man can kiss this Sword Witch.” *Off in the background a knockoff Éowyn wriggles her eyebrows*
The flail is a bad tote bag because all of these witches need bags and it’s not Sword & Flail Witch just fyi.

This Witch is very much based on the Witch King of Angmar.

The Witch King along with all the Nazgûl, are cool. Draco remembers being younger watching the Lord of the Rings movie and thinking, “gee those orcs are very ugly” and much preferring them despite the Nazgûl being significantly larger threats. The Witch King has this whole thing about being impervious to death by man and that’s how most of the magic fights in Draco’s world would work. People with complicated but oddly specific abilities thinking of ways to apply their specific gimmick to subvert the rules imposed by their adversaries. Very typical anime really.

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Sword Witches outfit has many more layers than the Witch Kings and honestly the Witch King needs more layers. That one robe is a bit dumpy. The helmet is a beauty and it all works but the robe is absolutely the worst part which is funny because the Nazgûl’s whole thing was that they were cool cloak people and that’s the last vestige of that in his upgraded final form design.

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Tiny Witch is much taller than Minuscule Witch. Tiny Witch is much smaller than Small Witch and just a bit smaller than Very Small Witch.

Tiny Witch was going to have objects to reference that she is tiny but it didn’t work out.

Tiny Witch is really just there to delay the creation of Giant Witch who was maybe confirmed to exist last year and who will require multiple buildings drawn with perspective and that’ll just be a bother.

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Draco was looking for a picture that had a giant between some buildings and then Draco remembered this project Draco did for a Photoshop Class Midterm. It really makes you think, right? Why didn’t Draco call it Catipalism?

One poorly thought out part of Tiny Witch is that the much smaller witch who may or may not be Minuscule Witch has regular witch clothes and Tiny Witch has borrower garb. Draco almost had an explanation but then remembered that fairies are much larger than Tiny Witch so it’s not like clothes were just available at this size. Tiny Witch must be one of those people who feel the need to make their own soap. Wait it still doesn’t make sense. That needle would have to be smaller than a regular needle. The leaves too are too small. Are they very new leaves? OR is this stuff all custom-made? That’s the thing about some of these witches is that they pick a theme and they stick with it and sure it gives them power but it’s definitely not efficient. Wait Draco knows. They weren’t this tiny originally, they made the costume so that they could become tiny, and now they are. What benefit does that provide though? Oh well everyone can have their thing. There is the Ant Man angle but if you’re presented with the options of Ant Man and Fire Hands what sane person is going to pick Ant Man. Some people probably sure but you get the idea.

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Executive Management Witch isn’t happy. No amount of power has ever felt like anything other than some sort of cosmic punishment to them. Is there air above the water or will they sink more?
At this point there aren’t many promotions left.

This Witch has been with us since the very first Witchtober and they’ve gone from sad to sadder. Draco had to pull in this happy person for contrast. The question is how long this can continue. They clearly aren’t happy but they are well off enough to buy novelty mugs so that’s worth happiness, right? Plus what else would they do anyway? On top of that in their numb unfeeling state they get access to cool magic that can make them numb and unfeeling. That’s useful. in The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini The army of the bad dude had some guys who couldn’t feel pain and when the good pals found out they were like waaaah that’s such a strong ability wow these are some tough hombres.

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Blind Witch’s father punched a guy once and then was killed by criminals. Now Blind Witch fights criminals in the city because Blind Witch really loves the city.
They have a dog which is also maybe a cat too? Best of both worlds really.

The inspiration for this one was Daredevil but only to a point. First of all Daredevil doesn’t have any good poses from what Draco can tell. It’s just fighty pose, standing on a corner pose and the main one over the shoulder. The little batons looked lame despite being wand like so Draco went with a broom and a magic punching fist. Draco got the idea for that blindfold while searching for pictures of blindfolds not that anyone would have ever guessed that. The armor is armor but it’s different armor. They’ve got that demonic linage thing going on through their hat but they definitely aren’t that copy-written term for that sort of person. They are instead a term Draco just came up with. A Dihparion. That’s a term no one has used before according to Google. Demonically Inclined Human Person with arion tacked on as a suffix. Apparently Arion is a talking horse god but they aren’t related. That’s gotta be public domain though so write all you ant about Arion the talking horse god.

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The dog cat creature is because Draco couldn’t decide until the very end and his decision was both. It’s a good cat dog. It’s important in fantasy worlds to have some unique animals. Don’t reinvent the wheel mind you but a cat dog never hurt anyone unless you mean literally in which case they may have who really knows.

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Bridge Witch can bridge the gap between two points but can she bridge between two hearts?
Yes, she can.
Only if her head is 3 ft or less from the bridge being built. Her feet and one hand must also touch the bridge.

Another heroic  witch. In maybe September Draco had the idea to do a Magic Crime theme for this Witchtober but that clearly did not stick or ever really start.  This witch is like a far clunkier Spider-Man. The bridge wings were an idea that came from poorly thought out crisscrossing bridges that ended up looking like wings. It works because wings lets this witch leap off partially constructed bridge and start a new one in midair. That might not be great for construction but for crime fighting it’s pretty good. And since the bridges are all stone the wings would make pretty good defense. Offense wise she probably just builds moment and until she can hit them hard enough. It’s probably hard to hit with a bridge as it’s linear and while it may be sort fast it’s not that fast. You all seen The Incredibles? she can go less than Frozone miles per hour. Maybe smaller weaker bridges could be made but they’d be admittedly fast but worse than say a javelin or something and they sell javelins at the javelin store it’s super convenient. She could interrupt a bridge as it’s being created to drop stone on someone’s head but intentionally collapsing a bridge goes against the bridge builders oath probably. Maybe that’s something that happens all the time in the bridge building community but only a real bridge builder would know so sound off in the comments bridge builders we are all very curious.

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This Pop Witch is more specifically a Pop Star Pirate Captain Gentlewoman Thief Witch and lead singer of Malnutrition. They travel from coast to coast in their stolen airship performing concert heists day and night.

Malnutrition as a band was introduced during last years Witchtober in an ad. The pirate part was added during NaNoWriMo. The airship was added maybe after that and that’s a story that can be explained trust Draco when he tells you that. So Draco was looking at the technology level, continuously amusing himself with the fact that no one can figure out that concept of sails and therefore boats aren’t really a thing in most areas. The except would be Ourand land of the Elves and they have team ships which don’t use sails and they were given that tech by one of the gods in exchange for something probably pretty stupid. Draco could look it up but nah. Oh and MARKI and country that was added more recently figured out rowing but they haven’t been able to do much as the sea was made more dangerous around their island in order to deter them from sharing. Back on the point, Cohavan magic scientists were thinking, “eh let’s do some science and engineering” then they were like “what if we make something like the boats our neighbors have but instead of being in the water it could be on land”. Cohaven Scientists are not the best and so they made essentially boxes which are kinda on land for a point and then they aren’t and then after that they usually crash very hard back onto the land. Regardless they had the better idea to make a flying ship which doesn’t crash. It took a lot of time and a lot of metal. They switched to wood after wasting a lot of metal. It took year but eventually they were able to make one working airship. There was going to be airships everywhere. Sure there were already trains everywhere and brooms could fly already but an airship lets you bring multiple people and stuff. They’d finished their working airship and went off to get the witch who could make a blueprint and replicate the vessel when our Pop Witch saw it and then, you know, took it. They really have true pirate eyes. You’d think having the only airship would make them easier to catch but it is a pretty defensible and there isn’t really a police force in the real world sense. There are people who fill that role and there are people who literally have police uniforms on but they are generally part of the military or the guards.The military of a nation isn’t going guard much in the cities unless it’s a major crisis and the guards aren’t going to risk sending more than a few people after something because of the way city defense works. Basically city walls themselves become a lich and each guard is kinda like a phylactery. You can’t knock the walls down without first knocking the guards out. If all the guards just ran after one suspect airship they might be led into an ambush and then the entire city might fall. Vigilantes and Mercenaries would be the ones would engage they’re either the type that’d be into this band or too weak or maybe unpaid to risk fighting this very powerful crew. The thing about this Pop Witch is that she is incredibly confidant and that confidence would make her spells powerful enough to best most of the witches on this list in most situations. Executive Management Witch and Amari would have better odds but then there is the rest of the crew and Amari can’t beat anyone one-on-one so you’d have to figure out who she’d be with.

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The figurehead is an otter but it ended up looking like a weird man with a pompadour cannon.

 

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Star Witch. It goes without saying.
Star Witch. Work Star-er, not harder.
Star Witch. Supernova Sonnet Surprise.
Star Witch. If The Stars are Aligned, it Might be a Mirror Room.
Star Witch. Startling Star-field Century.
Star Witch. A New Hoop.

Star Witch is another musical performer but their band is made up of those Star people whom they made. The one missing a triangle was the first attempt and Draco likes their enthusiasm. The other star was second and cute how they’re acting too-cool-for-school. Everyone needs a persona.

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The constellation on Star Witch’s face is the one you’re most likely to know. Draco is particularly fond of a different constellation which you might be able to figure out by typing in “Draco” and “constellation” into a search engine of your choice.

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Perhaps this is Illusory Witch.

Draco love illusion as a school of magic. Draco enjoyed Bleach and if you haven’t read all of Bleach well don’t worry no one uses illusions ever now go read it. It is sadly hard to draw illusions in their most common magical sense. Illusion magic typically creates a false foe or conceals a hidden truth but drawing that is sort of impossible without words. Like you draw a big scary dragon but how is anyone to know it isn’t real? Drawing is sort of an illusion in and of itself.  So Draco went with that classic Rabbit Duck illusion. Is it a Rabbit? Is it a Duck?

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Along with that we have a line which implies floating. Is this witch floating or is it a line? Draco also left in some sketch lines to give the illusion of a slight transparency on the long skirt. On the topic of sketches and not to blow up their spot but their torso is actually less concave. That’s an illusion.

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Slasher Witch will slash those prices and pass the savings on to you.

Technically these are Slasher Witches. The first pose wasn’t dynamic enough and the second needed a third to balance it. They must have some serious upper and lower body strength. These three work at the same place as Executive Management Witch but they have an outlet which is slashing things. Masks are cool. The first mask is probably the best mask. The knife was supposed to be spinning but we had to settle for a gentle swinging.

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To find Amnesiac Witch we must first ask a question. What’s in the box?

In a Twitter Poll Draco asked what was in the box. 50% of voters thought the box would contain a Witch with Answers. The other 50 thought the box would contain a raccoon. No one thought the box would contain Amnesiac Witch or Groceries.

 

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It’s time to open the box! Let’s see, it’s a …

… Raccoon!
Wait a minute!
It’s The Third Strongest Raccoon! Or maybe just a raccoon with the number three on it. Where is Amnesiac Witch oh wise raccoon?

Third Strongest Raccoon is barely an Earthbound reference and any more explanation than that is undeserved.

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They were behind the box? Thanks for your help and the tickets to the next Raccoon Tournament.
So this is Amnesiac Witch.
AW:”I have amnesia?”
Don’t you?
AW:”Don’t remember really.”
Remember any other titles you go by?
Aw:”No.”
Close enough!

This Amnesiac Witch was used to play with the classic Girl in a Box Trope. Amnesia is a typical drawback of a protagonist in this sort of story but a protagonist can look like anything and Draco wanted to do a raccoon in a box for a while now. Often times the Girl in a Box has amnesia anyway. Draco likes to imagine people do travel in boxes on occasion. It’s a magic box that lets you sleep through your trip and it takes care of you. Draco realizes now that this could be used for ills like abduction and human trafficking very easily but with magic there are probably even easier ways to do that like teleportation. Plus people who work at Human-Sized Box Shipping Service LLC check the boxes so you’d need a secret compartment and at that ‘s going to take up room and you aren’t going to be able to fit much so really it’s not efficient for that sort of crime. Plus any crime that is particularly abhorrent will likely draw divine ire and that’s not a valuable prospect so that’s an industry that wouldn’t really take off. Like crime happens but particularly awful acts will be met with smiting.

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As for  Amnesiac Witch, she probably can’t remember how to use magic so there isn’t anything to say there. Magic is based off knowing who you are and an amnesiac wouldn’t. The maze on her bodysuit may or may not have a solution but you’ll never know. Ok you’ll know, it doesn’t. It was an afterthought. In the lore though it definitely does.

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“Hey fam, it’s ya witch, stream witch, arriving at you live from this actual stream. We’ve got a jabroni straight ahead and we’re gonna go brutally murder them for our collective entertainments. No fish dinner for us tonight, let’s go!”

 

Stream Witch is another returning character. Surprisingly Stream Witch is perhaps the first returning character to improve performance-wise. in their first appearance they had ads all over the screen but here they’ve neatly tidied them to one side. They’ve included a little chat bar on the side to make the community feel more included. Draco believes in Stream Witch.

Stream Witch did want to say thank you for the nice replies and the bits from our friends at Twitter. Stream Witch would have replied but sadly Stream Witch is a fictional character who can only communicate through Draco and Draco couldn’t think of anything Stream Witch enough to say. Sorry.

Draco did wonder for a while what sort of sports were played in this world and this battle-royale blood sport seems fine in a world where resurrection is both convenient and affordable. With Croffski’s Res Rocks you don’t need a spell, scroll, potion, or feather of a phoenix. Res Rock offer a life restoring solution for all of your adventuring needs. No bigger then a marble with all of the power you’d expect from those other items. Res Rocks while only small rocks in appearance are not only able to resurrect you where you rest, they can also move you to any location within a stone-skip away. Now you can escape that acid pit or spike trap with ease. Croffki’s Res Rocks are available in most major retailers wherever adventuring supplies are sold.

 

This is also probably the first opportunity we’ve had to talk about it but the Witches of Cohavy , their elven neighbors in Ourand, The undead nation of Paxaac in the north, and the Sildurenth Empire also to the north, they all just kinda hate the taste of fish. Some people probably like it because everyone’s different but it’s kinda like how kids hate broccoli and brussels sprouts but this is more justified. After The Tragedy of Inebriated Seas, most of the fish that taste not awful died. Lake fish weren’t really affected but there is an abundance of bad tasting ocean fish. There are many who will still claim to like these fish in a strange attempt to prove something but for the most part everyone will at least be aware that they are considered icky. On top of that the largest lack in Cohavy is essentially 50% war zone. More on that later.

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The Parfait Witches of Morgana Parfait make and sell parfaits. They are also enemies with Team Gwenebeer. That’s about it.

The reference definitely isn’t clear here. See, it’s a reference to parfaits, the frozen dessert.

Arthurian Legend? Morgana La fey? Wow what a coincidence. Thanks for pointing that out. La fey does sound like parfait you are correct.

This shop sells only parfaits. Don’t tell Draco it isn’t viable. Parfait Stands exist. Morgana Parfait is the owner and the other person is probably Elaine her sister. The cat is Meowgause.

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They are a Brick Witch.
None of the other lyrics seem very good or fitting here.
But the Brick Witch is solid geometric sensation.
Strong and independent with a good foundation.
Brick every day.
Brick redefine.
Brick Better.
Brick-Brick forever.

Draco was too lazy to do a brick background. There is supposed to be a trick to give the illusion of brick which Draco tries later but it doesn’t really work.

Brick house doesn’t have very good lyrics. The memorable one is good but the rest is a strong no.

There are definitely people in this world who are made  constructed of non-organic materials. For example, Android Witch, but not Android Witch. There are Golems too. Usually they can’t use magic unless they are specially designed but if you’re going to make a brick person they’re probably specially designed.

their catchphrase is Brick-Brick! What a shocking catchphrase. Subtlety isn’t always rewarded in this magical world where people wear entire fruit outfits or flower costumes.

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One day this young witch figured it would be a good idea to create a magical bag that’d let her be prepared for anything. It’s been a few years since her feet have touched the ground. Over-prepared Witch is stuck to her Over-prepared bag.

This Witch is one of the attendants of the Magic Emergency Education School. Magic for most people below a certain age is dangerous and can lead to serious injury to themselves and others. This bag doesn’t harm Over-prepared Witch but it won’t let her go and it will harm anyone who tries to get her out of it. The bag has even stored magic energy making it resistant to any techniques that would disable magic.

The Magic Emergency Education School isn’t your typical Hogwarts but it’s also despite what it may seem like not a prison. It’s just a strict rehabilitation center which one cannot leave. There aren’t even any bars. Bars are a vulnerability like very thin windows. Don’t even worry about it. The students staging a rebellion and seizing the school definitely isn’t a plot point.

Bags are very important for essentially everyone. Everyone has stuff and only so many hands to carry their stuff with. Magic bags like bags of holding would be very useful if anyone could get something like that to work. Whoever invents a bag of holding in this world would ultimately need one to hold all the money they’d make but attempts so far have led to usually a hungry bag monster. Bag manufacturers don’t really try it anymore as they only have so many people to lose inside bags. Once they die they can usually get them out with an expensive top of the line life restoring solution but the entire idea is a money pit.

Draco just figured out how they could do it. Too bad that doesn’t help any of them figure it out.

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This Witch has neither too many or too few chickens. This is a Witch with a Reasonable Number of Chickens. It’s a delicate balance that probably brings true enlightenment or something like that.

Chickens are supposedly very good pets. Chickens, like most animals, are probably capable of feeling loneliness. Having too few chickens would be bad. There is however a limit to how many chickens you should have. Too many chickens could be a death sentence. Say you’re traveling and you’ve prepared 30 months worth of jerky. You’re like “This should last me through my two-week trip.” and you would be right until you accidentally decide to adopt 300 chickens. Note: This is one of the only ways Rimworld has been able to challenge Draco.

In Cohavy farm animals aren’t you know, disassembled.Because it’s magic they can get meat without injuring the animals. This is also done to humans for the vampires and such. Chicken Witch doesn’t do any of this, these are just pets. Chicken Witch just sells the eggs as eggs are useful components in spells and potions due to their shape, durability, and nature.

 

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Plotting Witch is really plotting right now. Plotting shines a light on the unknown and illuminates the path ahead. What is Plotting Witch plotting about you ask?
Chairs.
Plotting Witch loves chairs. A real chair connoisseur.

This brings back the point we were making with Illusory Witch. One pair of legs is fake and while you would assume it’s the bottom legs it could just as easily be the top legs. Plotting Witch could be standing upright with two fake legs on a belt chair thing. Either set of legs could be fake or maybe even one of each, once again we do not know.

 

Chairs that involve hands are common for some reason. Always remember that if you think your work isn’t good enough, a person once thought “hey, hand chair”, told a manufacturer about it, the manufacturer also thought it was a good idea, they made it, they put it up for sale, and someone bought it. Draco checked and there is a two-handed chair at urban outfitters selling for $199.99. You can do anything, just trust that someone out there has already successfully done worse. At least this chair has something else going on.

Slide View: 1: Open Hands Stool

Draco did use Photoshop to fill in a bunch of the black and invert some bits. The rest is ink though and if it were printed it would all be ink.

Draco couldn’t really remember what a protractor looked like or that it’s a compass not a protractor and didn’t look it up till after. Also Draco could neither find a public domain gif or a gif on a site Draco would feel comfortable crediting so if you don’t know what those things are please use your imagination before looking it up.

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One of these two is definitely Twin Witch.
One of these two was a barber but was fired for giving everyone the same haircut.
One of these two tells lies sometimes. The other tells the truth on occasion.

These two are Twin Witches. Twitches. Not a reference to the series of nooks or the series of movies. Draco was going to do a horror witch who just shows up one day and slowly starts imitating people to the point that it’s assumed they’re the twin before they get rid of the original but then Draco was like eh what if we just draw two people with the same face? Eh? Eh.

Draco has kinda talked about this point but not really addressed it but depending on circumstances two spells that are essentially meant for the same thing could be different depending on who casts it. One of these twins was a barber but because their justification for the spell was that they themselves had hair and they had cut it in the past the spell which should have cut it how the customer wanted their hair cut it the way the Twin Witch wanted their own hair. So now these two Twin Witches work together instead and they are all the stronger for it. They don’t really have a healer to compliment their tank dps duo but that’s surprisingly common in this world so they’re probably fine. Healers typically head to five-man-bands, squads-of-seven, and ten-person-troupes.

 

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Every Witch was at some point a Fledgling, well unless they explode, create a time paradox , or something else like that. These Fledgling Witches are certainly excited to learn and while some may have a head start they’ll all get there eventually.

These Witches are now old enough to safely learn magic and by golly they are going to learn it. These magic classes are pretty free-form. seats are arranged in circles and while there is a teacher lecturing in the center there isn’t any note taking or tests aside from the test which is “can you do magic”.  It’s a learn until you know enough to do magic sort of deal. People rarely fail and the classes are really more of a sounding board and a way to double-check your great magic ideas. Say someone comes in and they say they’re going to have magic flaming fists of justice. They’re excited to try this in a classroom setting but then someone points out that they never said anything about making their fists fireproof. That little idiot was just about to burn their hands off. Maybe now they want to turn their fists into literal fire so they don’t have to fireproof them. Did they specify anything that would keep them as fists or would it just be a fire with no fuel unless it catches a sleeve and now we’re back to needing a fire proofing solution. It’d be easier to just make flaming oven-mitts as those give you a justification for a heat resistance spell and you don’t have to worry about your hands dissipating into vaporized air.

The Witch who is really trying their best makes a triumphant return in this one. Her wanton transformations and explosions were worrying but now she excels. Overcoming adversity allows her to exceed the limits set by her damaged body so yay that’s better than exploding. If Draco was some sort of scout set to recruit powerful up-and-coming witches Draco’d recruit her. There should be a game like that. Draco’d pre-order that two years in advance. Anyway, Draco mentioned before that confidence was a factor but being told “hey 8 in 10 people who were in your position died and 6 of those took their neighbors with them” is also going to give a boost and when you combine that with a definitive show of persistence you’ll get a very strong witch. Also she had a pet chicken but not enough chickens to be in the running for the reasonable number of chickens title. They could still hang out though.

The cat that may look a little like a ferret is also a Fledgling Witch. They can do cat magic.

Middle Fledgling Witch has some fluffy hair. probably from a wealthy family. That can be a boost if you have money equals power or your playing as the Keeper but Draco doesn’t actually know much of anything about the Binding of Isaac; Draco just puts on Northernlion videos as background noise. Wealth doesn’t particularly matter as everything is pretty cheap with all the magic. The financial system is basically propped up by the gods who instead of letting them develop an economy naturally they just came down and said something like “Hey idiots you figured out talking yet? Cool here’s money figure that out too”.

The Small Fledgling Witch will hopefully have an easier time than Tiny Witch.

Upside Down Witch doesn’t really seem like a fledgling. They seem to have everything figured out such as which direction they want to live their life in. Maybe the door doesn’t accommodate Upside Down people leaving. Spooky.

The leftmost Fledgling definitely plays that game that Stream Witch plays. Some people probably prefer trial by fire learning to sitting in a circle and discussing. Attendance is mandatory at least until they say you can leave.

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The story of War-torn Witch is basically an average sitcom plot. Some friends decide to move in together, they get a nice lakeside cabin, turns out the lake borders a hostile power bent on conquest, now they vigilantly guard the area.

 

War-torn Witch and friends decided to make their home near what would later be called Two Witch Crossing. CynarqolastalidaBgork wanted to own the lake as it’s water and it’s not cursed like much of their water. They’d also like a lot of not cursed things if we’re honest. In order to get the water they’d need to cut off train access to the area and to do that they’d need to go over the lake. Sadly for them War-torn Witch and friends continue to sink their very poorly constructed rafts because once again they have no boats. They have a big army, just no boats. The lake is now filled with many bodies which spawn undead armies of their own. It’s not a great lake but the land was a steal and it’s got a great view of the mountains. At this point more than the few witches who guarded the land live here( they guards in shifts of two which is why it’s called Two Witch Crossing instead of the accurate number) and invasions from CynarqolastalidaBgork mostly consist of golems and summons who won’t add to the monster problem( it’s mostly because the loss of life without the ability to dredge up the bodies and resurrect them isn’t really tenable).

The things on the side are magical turrets which make up the bulk of Cohavy’s automated defenses. The skulls were extracted harmlessly via magic and the previous owners are living fine lives with their new skulls probably.

The cabin in the background is the same background as the one in the prompt.

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Young Witch was always young. She was a youngest sibling and born late so her peers were always older. She was happy but then time happened. Wishing for that feeling to return she cast a spell to make herself the youngest around. Kinda bad idea…

Young Witch is another witch held in the MEES. Really, if she were around say a baby she’d be doomed. She starts getting older and a child walks by and she’s back at square 1. Magic is dangerous for the young and because she’s technically an adult she should be fine but also because she’s a child she isn’t. Ideally someone would be able to undue the spell but if they did something wrong maybe everyone would be made young as well or she’d go into some time-loop state. Ideally someone would be able to make her older to reduce the risk but how would anyone justify a spell to make other people older? Maybe someone could be so fun they make time fly but that would make a spell that would probably drive time forward fairly fast and for an experiment that might accidentally kill everyone you want more control.

Hey, at least Young Witch is immortal essentially.

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This Shadow Witch is Alberk, a Captain of the Cassidy family. Being very lazy, Alberk can make a wave of time stopping shadow. It only applies to what is actually touching so shoes or feet, plus Alberk must stand on one foot and not look at it.

Alberk as a side character is nice because he mainly just stands silently until someone yells at him. His ability to freeze time on shadows is super strong unless you realize you can just take your shoes off or fly. Oh and arms can still move so it really banks on a person being stunned by the initial inability to move oooor if they fall out of their shoes and tip over. Knees are harder to remove than shoes. Also any enemy with a sort of taunt spell which refocuses his attention would counter the effect.

Alberk is only a Captain because of his childhood friend status with the head of the Cassidy family. He doesn’t really have much drive or ambition and his ability stems from his desire to ignore problems.

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This is a Witch with a Single Stick. She had two sticks at one point and some would argue she still does but that’s not really how severed arms work. her other interests include wood working, abstract art, camping, and boot wearing.
Fun Fact: The two little sculpture things are there because the last windows update turned off a few settings which messed everything up and Draco made those while trying to fix it.

This is a pretty standard Witch with a Single Stick. Someday we’ll have someone with a stick and a hand attached to it and you’ll be like “Oh! the other stick!” which will be great. They originally had a crossbow arm but that took away from the stick so it was moved to the stick. The stick has a boot because Draco’s Mom said the boots were too eye-catching. They are eye-catching. It’s a very weighted composition. Maybe the future second stick will balance it.

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“Fear Not! I am GuilloTina. I know you were totes expecting Sinful Witch but trust in the Divine Judgement of the Ministry of Death. She was just an icky garbage person LITERALLY. Guess you can have a pre-bag snap. Now toodles!”

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Draco really wanted to make Sinful Witch sinful. A person so steeped in sin that nothing else could describe them. It worked, Sinful Witch was awful. Draco absolutely hated her. Luckily this world is designed so that if someone is too awful an angel will come down and smite them. This gave Draco an excuse to draw GuilloTina, a character idea Draco had a few months ago. GuilloTina is one angel of a set which make up the god Death who is actually just a bunch of angels in a trench-coat. Each of them if based on ways to die.

The cool looking Witch was supposed to be the one to defeat Sinful Witch before Draco hated them so much her had to make an angel to behead them. This Witch is the type of Witch that Sinful Witch would think of as Sinful and Draco liked presenting them as a righteous young adult hero who would overcome the entrenched evil but Draco got excited for the angel delivering divine justice. She seems to be taking in the little demon skeletons which is a nice step toward building a better community. They don’t need to be punished for the sins of their evil master.

The fire thing was there to consume her body to prevent any sort of possum playing or delayed resurrection.

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Music is her magic! Bard Witch is the best of both worlds though some might think it tragic. There’s claims that Bards with just their silly songs can’t really save the day, but underestimate this Witch you better learn to sashay away.

This Witch is another returning witch from year 1, Music Witch. There were 3 of them because Draco couldn’t decide. Bards are good. Not the best alone but not the worst either. This Bard Witch needs a Friend Witch. Maybe they’ll get one next year. A solo career is a lonely career.

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Lonely Witch is all alone. She has a home but will not go. She won’t return till she’s fully prepared to face her foe. She waits, with her thoughts, as she stands atop rocks. Everything’ll work out. Lonely Witch is among friends.

This Witch doesn’t look familiar at all. Their identity is definitely a mystery.

The mountain in the back is Mt. Egg named for the person who pointed it out, Egelcarmion-Canogur. Just kidding, it’s called that because it’s shaped like an egg. Or maybe it is an egg oooooh spooky egg. Mt. Egg is a nice meeting place as the Goddess who transformed several of the first humans into witches lives pretty nearby and she collects body-parts. Fighting nearby is something that could draw her ire or even delight which may be even worse. Thinking on her actions in the timeline she tends to accidentally hurt more often than she successfully helps. The Tragedy of Inebriated Seas was her fault and she really thought it’d be a good idea and not destroy sea-life.

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*In a dark and desolate remote location*
“They thought they could be rid of me did they? Wanted to rob the world of Sin, eh? Well once I’ve reconstructed they’ll all know Sinful Witch. mwahaha-“
*a door creaks open loudly after being kicked*

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“Gwaaa!” Sinful Witch Gwaaa’d as the room filled with light.
“Prepare to face the light! B Lin Light! One of two Vigilante Witches who all villains fear! The other’s my bro, he’s great too but for now you face me! One on One. E mono mono!”

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“You’re too much you flashy. Just a dumb child kicking in a door and throwing tantrums. An Ugly Worthless Peasant who needs to tone it down in-front of her betters. Once I’ve finished regenerating I’ll be sure to have you and this brother of yours for dinner. I’d wager you taste of flaky sow. Now unto– “
*Sinful Witches head once again roles onto the floor*

Draco subverted even his own expectations by bringing back Sinful Witch to fight Vigilante Witch. Draco expected B Lin because Draco loves to include B Lin as Draco does feel she’s one of his better character concepts. Funnily enough Draco realized while writing Shadow Witch’s section that B Lin is like his perfect counter as an attention grabbing shadow dispelling ball of energy. In case you’re not in the know or if Draco only posted B Lin on Twitter and forgot or something, B Lin’s Mother was in an accident while pregnant and while it seemed everything was fine, upon their birth the, whatever you call the baby grabbing person, was blinded by twins with extremely bright glowing skin. Imagine shining a flashlight in your eye and that is what B Lin is supposed to look like. B Lin and her brother S Ingram are very supportive of one another despite not seeing each other much on their separate adventures. They both basically just wander around dishing out justice. Their abilities aren’t spectacular but their natural light gives them an edge against enemies with eyes. They both are Cohaven despite having a CynarqolastalidaBgork names but if anything they are true heirs to the Sildurenth Empire which once encompassed both countries. The people of the Sildurenth Empire each tended to believe that they were the “chosen one” and in a way they were. they would often feel the pull to go on quests, but more specifically their personal quest, and be big gosh darn heroes. B Lin and S Ingram both strongly believe they are the hero and while they love each-other their rivalry draws them apart. It’s for the best because two glowing people wouldn’t add anything to the party. B Lin can conjure typical things like magic swords, shields, horses, beams of holy light, she can heal herself and those around her( must be both herself and others, can’t be done separately), compel the truth, light up a room, and jump pretty far as long as her arms flail out behind her. A person who can fight well alone or with others.

Sinful Witch built itself on the lives of bodies they corrupted. Maybe if they hadn’t held their head high and mighty while being so disgusting they’d maybe learn a lesson. If they had been perhaps less prideful, maybe shown less avarice, maybe they’d be ahead of where they are today.

GuilloTina is a kill-stealer. Draco prefers this action pose and it fixes her hair.

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Some would say that true perfection is an unobtainable goal. Some would say you’re perfect just the way you are. This “Perfect” Witch thinks they are perfectly whole. They think once you’ve transformed enough you’ve sorta earned it.

The ultimate life form in Draco’s experience is usually either humanoid with some extra traits that make them a monster human hybrid or it’s a human with less extra traits but they usually glow and have little to no clothes. Like if you’re a being with an oppressive aura that disintegrates anything within 10 feet of you and a galaxy brain in the literal sense no one is going to arrest you for public indecency because you can just erase their family from the timeline thereby erasing their existence. This is the former though. Draco is too bashful to draw the later and especially too bashful to post it anywhere.

This Witch has many limbs and has an interesting geometry but Draco wouldn’t really call them any more perfect than any other.  The Witch Hat is supposed to slightly resemble Perfect Cell but Cell wasn’t perfect either. Another overly arrogant witch but at least this one isn’t a monster.

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Others would say that true perfection is… Mirror Witch?
Wait no. The Perfect Witch is YOU!
But what if you aren’t a witch?
Is YOU a character or are they a placeholder?
The concept here isn’t perfect but the sentiment is probably appreciable.

Mirrors are kinda creepy sometimes. They reflect stuff. Technically most or maybe even everything reflects or absorbs because that’s how colors work. We should be glad mirrors don’t absorb.

Perfection in a perfect sense is unobtainable and sorta boring so we have to settle for the perfection that we each hold in our hearts.

 

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Word Witch is too strong. They tried to silence her but her resolute unbending nature has allowed her to circumvent and overcome all attempts. With the power of her miraculous summon, a strange humanoid writing creature, she can define her world!

 Word Witch can bend the very nature of reality with her every utterance. With in reason obviously, she couldn’t wipe  magic from existence with magic. The effect is also not global thankfully.Regardless she was considered too powerful so her mouth was silenced. She learned sign-language. Her hands were bound. Word Witch was far stronger than any could have ever imagined. Through sheer force of will she created a being of ink who could write for her and defend her voice from future attempts. She looks down on the fearful and weak-willed cowards with disgust before dismissing them and writing a better future.

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Just one of a few witches,
no family of two witches,
Which witch is this?
Interchangeable Witch.
Sometimes what seems the most replaceable is actually the most irreplaceable of all.
Just hold on to what you can and forgive yourself.
You matter.

Interchangeable Witch is another Witch who can make doubles. They escaped to who knows where and are now doing who knows what. We’ve had those before. We also can’t be certain the one wearing a number 1 is the original. Go Watch Orphan Black already. Everybody always thinks they’re the original but the reality is that being the original is very little compared to being you. Well really the themes of Orphan Black were more about “found families” and “my body my choice” but being unconcerned about being the original is touched sometimes. Mostly with Helena. Probably because she was the only one who was told that they were the original. Actually, were they? Draco can’t remember. Helena has a theme song though and it isn’t shared which makes her cool. WATCH ORPHAN BLACK!

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Air-horn Witch was arrested for air-horn related crimes.
Air-horn Witch really could have been Roller Witch as well but actually the wheels contain air-horns that sound while they roll be it a bit muffled.

 

Uniforms don’t really work for these witches. Suppressing the individuality suppresses the magic. It doesn’t do well to make your people weaker unless that is the goal but then they can tear up the uniform and boom instant rebel outfit that shall become the wings of freedom that breaketh they chains of captivity. With the birth of the Air-horn Persona, Air-horn Witch has obtained the winds of roller-blades that shall lead to freedom and new power.

Draco wrote an entire review of Persona 5 and never posted it.

These guards offered a good time to think about anti-magic, which would be necessary to hold anyone of sufficent ability anywhere. The silly friend in the full face-mask helmet decided to seize their 15 minutes of fame instead. These guards have huge ankles and or pants that really flare and shoes that are too big.

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The appearance of the magician suggests that now is not the time to hold back. Draco was going to make a tarot card set but then got a bit bored.

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This witch throws bombs but what happens when they explode is left to chance. It’s like rolling a die that can explode. They might have been an attempt at Wheel of Fortune but at this point Draco can only guess.

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This Mushroom Witch was just an idea.  Not ink. If Plant People are a thing Mushroom People can be a thing.

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Here we have the very first Witchtober witch Winter Witch with a new fiery Summer Witch friend. Those shoes are very Crotor and so is this Summer Witch. These two probably have a traveling show and they’re looking for their spring and fall.

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These are some guards. Several are investigators. One is Plaid Witch if anyone was waiting for that. This partner is a Sacharoo, essentially a candy person. The Sacharoo are not restricted by age when it comes to learning magic and they learn faster than average but ultimately they cannot master as many spells as a regular witch unless they consume a specific plant which has rather nasty side effects. It’s not worth it if you look at the cost benefit. That’s much more suited for something that can’t use magic at all.

 

Witchtober Begins! and the Emblematic Witch Amari

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It’s Witchtober!!!!!!! bwwr bwwr bwwr says the air-horn witch. This year we’re going to try posting some of these from WordPress in order to get more engagement from various platforms and also character limits exist sometimes. If it’s not working out we’ll stop and go back to the old way but as for now we’ll try this. Prepare for Autocorrect though. The followup autocorrect joke comes before the first so that’ll be interesting.

Here is the list.

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Today we have Emblematic Witch.

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The question really was, what is emblematic of all these witches? Over the years we’ve seen plenty of different witches with very different adjectives. Many of them have bags and there are quite a few crime lords but it would be difficult to represent all of them especially since many of them are contradictory in nature. The best chance would have to be Amari Comela, head of the Witchery Guild. She is sort of an emblem or in a less forced way of speaking a symbol to represent an ideal and preside over magical matters. Amari may not have any particularly flashy abilities but she is a very good utility witch.

Amari is always out to help wherever possible which is of course nice but it does hinder her a bit as her spells generally do not affect her. For example she can fly but only while others are flying with her. If she wanted to make food with magic she’d need to make a group serving. If she were sick and wanted to cure it she’d need 1 or more sick people so she could maybe do like a magic cloud of curing. If she were alone in the dark she wouldn’t be able to magically light anything. On top of that, if she were with others and it was exceptionally dark she would be able to light anything without first hearing, touching, or smelling the presence of another person. Tasting would work too but a situation where seeing, hearing, smelling, and touch are out of the question but tasting is possible seems unlikely but maybe some other magic user turned off specifically those senses but forgot taste and that’ll be their weakness.

Amari is more thorough than most which benefits her in her job of mostly paperwork and presiding and ultimately it’s unlikely that any spell she uses would backfire but it also leads to an inflexibility. “Do This Task Specifically” is always going to work better than “Woo magic fire go yeah yeah” at a specific task but in the next task it could go wither way. Auto correct once again being an mvp with wither way. 

Amari has a bag. It’s not a magic bag. Bags of Holding haven’t really become a thing yet but hey that’s a million triangle money idea right there. Let’s hope this year we think up a name for the triangle money.

The Witchery Guild is a powerful organization not only in our setting the magical the magical nation of Cohavy and it’s capital Masellot. They have branches all over to deal with magical crime which really they get to decide and there isn’t that much oversight. This lead to Amari being slightly respected and feared  from all over despite her very kind nature. If she’s your friend you could maybe get a magic crime overlooked and if she’s your enemy maybe your septic magic is just now illegal. That was specific but hey auto correct made it better she could literally make your magic bathroom illegal. These people haven’t invented real plumbing yet. She wouldn’t do any of this but she technically could have. Nowadays though the fear and respect has dimmed somewhat thanks to her relationship with organized crime. In a literal sense. The head boss of the head crime family who rules over all these crime lords from Witchtobers past, who can strike fear–, once again literally, would send the concept of fear to the hospital, is dating Amari. They went to school together. Amari had higher grades when the teachers were informed that they were allowed to grade them fairly( and that their families would not be gored upon said grading( people who went against the Cassidy family at the time tended to not have middles )). They’re like rivalschool sweethearts or something. You would think associating with such people would only make her more feared but you were not at the meeting where they were calling each other nicknames and saying the word “meow” audibly. You weren’t there for the butterfly kisses. They are really the mushy lovey dovey sort. It was an important meeting. Someone had a permit to have their home perpetually on fire and they died which released the spell keeping only their house and fire but the permit didn’t specify that only their house could be on fire so technically it could spread forever and they needed her to input on whether they could extinguish it and they really needed her to say yes. Two other homes burned down and now one of them has a ghost that no one can seem to get rid of it’s all a mess really and that’s when the fear went away. People like her well enough but still but they don’t really count on her anymore and that’s a little sad. Also important to note is that death works differently in this world. Resurrection is doable and necromancy is belittled but still popular with many. Ghosts stick around even if you’re brought back to life which could then be used to bring you back to life twice. That’s a magic crime though so don’t try it. So really her inaction only lead to inconvenience but it made public opinion closer to correct so that’s a kinda good.

The other witches are just background characters. Some of them are coworkers who are dragged out of bed every morning. One of them has a helicopter hat instead of a broom and that’s strange.

Her name according to Google Translate means Not Really Banana which is accurate because she isn’t a banana. That’s some fun trivia.

Stone Hearts and Shouting at Shoggoths

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Draco wrote the last blag ,which you didn’t see, 3 times. Draco sometimes tries to keep it around 400 words but when you aren’t even half-way done and you’re past 3200 that is not 400. Anyway let’s try a different one…

Draco just finished Stonehearth the other day. Very cute little fantasy city builder.

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The good parts of Stonehearth are very cute and good. They are also little. Story, the buildings, the Hearthlings themselves, sound, gameplay, just apply those adjectives and you’ll get the idea on your own.

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Look at little Liam Lessel in a tiny house watching that Hearthling sleep.

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Cute farmers farming cute farm fields.

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Cute Caribou. Cutibou if you will. Valiantly guarding the good town.

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a cute conversation about something good. Also Vert Greene is passing by selling plants and seeds. Ya’ll should check that out.

So you get the idea. In Stonehearth you build a cute village where you can have walls, moats, and such. It’s all voxel based unlike most of this genre. There are even three campaigns and 3 quest lines which differs from the usual quest in these games which is survive and thrive. You can do the human town paperwork quest, the rabbitpeople quest, and the befriend orcs by fighting quest. On top of those they all essentially lead up to a boss fight against essentially Cthulhu.

Tangent. Draco doesn’t like the whole HP Lovecraft Cthulhu story. HP Lovecraft as a person sucks but mostly it’s all that pessimism that annoys Draco. So if you don’t know, Cthulhu is a big old squid elder thing and in the story they try to stop Cthulhu with a boat. They just ram em with it and when that doesn’t work they’re just like “oh no this is impossible oh no oh woe is mankind we’re so small compared to you Dr. Unbeatable Cthulhu Smith esq.” and it’s like they didn’t even lose the boat. They sailed away. In the boss fight for Stonehearth you need to slowly whittle the thing away. These little Hearthlings had a heck of a lot more courage and persistence than those sailors and they didn’t even have a boat. NOT EVEN A RAFT! If a person, especially if they’re backed up with other people, stands up and never gives up then we can accomplish anything no matter how big the Cthulhu-esque problem.

 

In the same vein, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood’s Roy Mustang. Watch that one if you can since it’s on Netflix AND Crunchyroll but if not here’s the clip which gets pretty much the entire point across.

 

 

The problem with Stonehearth is that it kinda runs horribly. There are issues and features which should have been addressed but that’s the fault of the company that bought the studio and told them they were going to stop paying for it if they didn’t release it soon. There is mod support so if modmakers ever update their mods that won’t be a problem. It’s a solid base game so mods can fix that and make it shine.

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Sadly the mythical creatures mod seems dead. 😦

 

The only really egregious problem is that it absolutely isn’t optimized. Draco is running like 15 tabs, steam, Photoshop, etc, and Draco’s GPU will sit at about 6% at maximum. Boot up Stonehearth and only Stonehearth and it goes up to 100. Sure we had that Cthulhu discussion and decided that giving 100% is important but not in this way. The previous sentence was added in post to enhance the excerpt, anyway… If there is rain the game freezes pretty quickly but it’ll freeze without rain as well. If you can put two and two together you might suspect that a titanic Titan Cthulhu boss showing up and spawning lots of wavy tentacles, portals which spew enemies all over the map, and whipping up huge storms of particle effects  could potentially cause system problems as well.On top of the freezes Draco’s computer just screams the entire time, and not in an ice cream way mind you. Apparently even though they recommend 64 bit it runs better with 32 bit. Draco isn’t one to mess with that sort of thing. Just save every 30 minutes but let’s be honest every 5. Oh and make sure if you buy it to buy it on sale.

Slow Time Syntax, Lich Yo Self, and Too Many Transformations

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Draco hasn’t been able to draw very much recently as everything has been a bit slow( the entire comp crashed one time). Draco tried writing some blags but he just wasn’t confident in them. Especially because the autocorrect thingy keeps changing words into different words yet can’t figure out Draco meant “you” from “yu”.

For some reason Draco decided to do a timeline of major events in regards to his worldbuilding because who knows why. Turns out it’s very fun. Definitely a good way to generate ideas and flesh out characters. You basically just start at the beginning, something happens, then some more stuff, till you have a sizable portion of stuff happening. Then you start doing consequences of those things that were happening and have some more things happen to boot. You don’t even have to go in order either. The only real worry you’ll have is to make sure things don’t happen because of things in the future UNLESS it’s a time travel story in which case go wild.

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On an unrelated note, Draco doesn’t like the words plane and plain. A plain can be a plane and that’s just infuriating. It’d be like if rectangles were called Squairs. Like not all Squairs are Squares but every Square is a Squair. Imagine hearing that in Geometry Class.

Oh and Draco cut the line that made this make sense. How about a time paradox for you right there in the year 2018. That’s some heavy time right there that is.

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Anyway, timeline of major events. Draco had the idea while watching a video about Liches because Draco just really likes Liches. Not necessarily the typical “Hey look at me, I’m an evil skeleton wizard” Lich, but the concept works. Demiliches, at least in D&D stray even farther from what Draco wants but while trying to figure out what Mallory is the idea of a demilich seems to cover it, just instead of astral projecting and having no useful body, her soul is kept with Mr. Spikey the Eldrich Horror in his personal nightmare dimension most of the time and her body is maintained and while not particularly coordinated is still more useful than a piñata. Honestly Draco isn’t sure why those lame demiliches would even bother maintaining a skull to begin with. A lot of Lich behavior in general is a bit baffling. Flesh and skin, while not the best materials perhaps, have many benefits. Have you ever broken a bone in say your arm or leg? Bet you enjoyed that flesh keeping the end of your limb connected to your body, huh? Oh but you have magic to protect your bones, huh? Couldn’t think of a better use for all that energy huh? Well Strawlich, what do you need the skeleton for then, huh? Why not go be a magical ghost? Cut the whole phylactery deal out the window, or just put half your soul in it and go be an unkillable ghost? What? you’d miss the benefits of having a body like talking to people and owning things? Well guess what BUCKAROO! That’s easier with flesh and skin! If you keep up a nice hygienic appearance people will sell you things, give you things, help you for no reason other than their kind hearts. All that stuff you want? Maintain your flesh and it will be EASIER to get them. What’s faster, killing a librarian and stealing their entire collection, or asking a librarian to help you find the book you want to read at the given time, returning it when it’s due, and then checking out another book. You’ve got the magic, you’ve got the time, get yourself some skin. Treat yo self, smart liches, because you deserve it.You dedicated yourself to knowing things and you learned how to make yourself immortal, a task many try and fail at, you deserve a little flesh. If you don’t know how to do so, well go look it up. All of the Liches in Draco’s world have flesh because anyone who can actually get that far isn’t a lazy sack of garbage. Even just ordinary undead, if they have a brain, have flesh. If it can think, it’s wrapped in a meaty layer. Skeletons, sure they don’t have flesh, but who would want to be a skeleton anyway? Certainly not an extremely powerful magic user. That would just be dumb. Well except for those Spooky Scary Skeletons, but they don’t count. That’s a different franchise of internet phenomenon. If a skeleton was born that way it doesn’t really apply here. That’s a different sort.

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Wait a minute… Skeletons don’t naturally stick together. Magic is keeping that skeleton together. Draco has potentially made this argument before but why not just have a cloud of angry bones? Why not have twelve arms and three skull heads? How are they seeing without eyes? Magic? Why do they need a skull? Why not more arms?  10,000 arms. Made of bone knives. They make this same argument with robots. Why would a robot have to be humanoid when it could be more efficient as a non-humanoid? The same goes for liches. If they no longer care for their mortal flesh why do they care so much about their mortal upright position. Maybe they could be a better lich by walking like a horsey? This blag wasn’t even supposed to be about liches, then it was only supposed to be slightly about liches, but Strawlich, why are you carrying around your legs when you are constantly hovering? Even if they touch the ground it’s all for some sort of stupid show. Is that it? You keeping that skeleton because you want to be imposing? Well going full Alphonse Elric and being in a suit of armor instead would be a hell of a lot more imposing.

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Go be a suit of armor instead, idiot. Go be 10,000 rib-cages, that’ll scare them, champ. Get some crab hands you dumb-butt. Or 6 heads so you can read faster, numskull. You’re supposed to be smart but here you are saying ” Look at me, I’m a skeleton. Look at me, look at me go woosh. Skeleton. Yeah. I’m a smart skeleton running around, watch me. Watch me be a skeleton and use magic. Woo! Bet you’re impressed I’m a kselltong”. No, Strawlich, Draco isn’t impressed that you’re a kselltong. No one is. Draco and everyone think that’s very dumb. Hopefully some of you smart liches out their can learn from the mistakes of Stawlich the kselltong and practice even remotely good hygiene.

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Anyway, Draco’s last drawing from before the lag was of a lich which is convenient and totally unplanned.

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As you can see she’s got her flesh but she is fairly young. Her name is Sheppard and that’s her last name, not her first.  Can’t really remember it at the moment but she goes by Sheppard so it doesn’t really matter. Sheppard was always impressed by other people. She was nice enough herself and confident to boot but other people had cool powers, abilities, stuff, etc. One day, she saw a lich and thought, “eh, I should try that” and so she did. Saw a vampire once. Now she has a blood shield surround her body. Does she need it as a lich? Not really but it could come in handy. One time she saw a person from the Sildurenth empire and how they all have cool suits of armor that were like alive and could fight for their owner. She made two of those and while they aren’t as good as the genuine Sildurenth article there are two of them.  Less lifelike but good for carrying things and wearing funny outfits. Demons are usually good at convincing people to go along with their stupid deals and nonsense so her cape is made of their hair. Her cloak is made from fireproof scales because being fireproof is one of the most admirable qualities a person can have. Sheppard was having a great time collecting things and improving herself but then one unfortunate day she met a werewolf-ish-ly inclined fellow. Of course Sheppard isn’t dumb, she tested it once just to make sure it’s safe. So she replicated all the things she’d already done to herself on another person and then added lycanthropy to the mix and it worked fine. No reason to really think there’d be a problem. Sadly there was a problem. It didn’t really go well. There were conflicting skeletons, the sun rising wasn’t really removing it. Basically she had to have her suits of armor punch her unconscious, which was difficult because of all her defenses. It took a while, was painful, and because the test subject succeeded where she failed, she became a little more hesitant, a lot less confidant, but she’s still interested in collecting more. Ancient artifacts, useful materials, interesting transformations, a spell that can remove unwanted dog-body-hair, if someone else has it she’d like to have it as well.

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Also her entire character is inspired by how Draco uses Rimworld mods and so she’s been in Draco’s latest Rimworld colony. Werewolf  vampire lich transformations crashed the game and forced Draco to really fiddle for a like 2 hours. The problem is in the forced werewolf transformations during a full moon. Just disable those and level up one of them via god mode since you won’t be able to level the forms up. It’s cheating but since the real way doesn’t always work and will crash your game it’s fair in Draco’s book. Plus if you’re able to get a character with either of those it’s not like you’d lose anyway. Draco was testing out nuclear weapons from one of the mods on Sheppard and she survived 2 out of 3 so a normal raid stands no chance. She was able to resurrect since it didn’t destroy her body, don’t you worry. Plus Draco wouldn’t have stood for a missing pelvis counting as a fatality. People are missing their pelvis all the time and you don’t hear them complaining about it. It isn’t like an important organ it’s a bone which should have been  Regenerable. Like Sheppard gave an enemy brain rot one time and doctors were able to fix that, a pelvis is no biggie. Sadly the death randomness mod hasn’t updated to Draco’s knowledge so there’s nothing to do in that respect.

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You might be able to see her in a pile of dead Imperial Scout Troopers. It’s a little hard to see because the enemy had some sort of static fog ability and Sheppard has a death fog ability. Also she has a cool magic hood that covers her face but that’d hide her face so no. Miñoca is the werewolf that inspired her and the test subject was named Bren. Bren was part of a werewolf clan with a blood oath that made them unrecruitable. Draco of course recruited them out of spite through necromantic means, then we tested the werewolf lich vampire transformation on them and it was fine until the 800 or so errors piled up. Draco tried the experiment again on an android because that definitely won’t cause errors and it didn’t the android is ridiculously strong. She was able to punch Sheppard’s head off and both of Mallory’s arms off. They were fine after but it was still the most damage anything had done to them aside from one staff that’s actually just too overpowered but not in a fun way. The key too balancing overpowered powers is that they neither make the character unkillable forever or instantly kill whatever they’re pointed at without a warm-up, warning, or cool-down. Raising the bar is fine, chucking the bar into the ocean isn’t.

 

 

Awareness of Existence and Utility

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Draco has been merming the maids for may again. It’s fairly time-consuming and Draco hasn’t had any time to write so ideally we will keep this one short. Draco was supposed to be doing more frequent shorter blags but these last few have been long so seriously let’s keep this to about 400 words.

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Draco was existing as he tends to do and Television also happened to exist at the same time. It was on some channel and what was playing should probably be considered a war crime. So Draco changed the channel and ended up watch a cartoon which according to Instagram is very popular called Star vs the Forces of Evil.

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Draco hasn’t watched much of it and the episodes Draco did watch were from the third season so it’s not like Draco can discuss it but there was something interesting. It was the Christmas analogue episode and they panned through their cute little kingdom doing winter things and this one background character was just crouched, doing nothing off to the side. When the camera finally centered on them and sufficient time had passed they threw a snowball. Basically this random background character was like “I’m fully aware of you camera, I’m not going to start acting until I’m in the spotlight”.  Ordinarily this sort of scene is supposed to have people going about their daily lives which would have been fine and if they had a character standing around by accident it’d be an embarrassing mistake but this was just very good. To be fairer though any accident would be bad so that’s not really a point. It was just something to notice and Draco enjoyed it. It’s important when you create to dissect other media and figure out the things you like to give yourself a wider array of tools to work with.

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Also Draco could not find a gif of what that scene usually looks like or the scene itself so you’ll really need to excuse Draco a bit if that wasn’t specific enough or if that’s THE background character and it’s some sort of running gag. Draco just needed a topic that wasn’t “welp we’re 23 days into #mermay”. Maybe go watch the episode yourself and get inspired. Or watch something else and get inspired. Stare at a wall and get inspired.

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Really your mission is to just get inspired. Didn’t want a mission? Boo-hoo.

The Elfpocalypse and Lore Galore

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In the last post Draco was talking about elves in general because Draco was drawing many elves but hadn’t finished them enough to just post them. Now Draco has finished them enough to post them. Prepare for many elves and tons of lore/facts/ general story details on the elven country of Ourand and its inhabitants. Maybe you’ll need the map…

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map now updated with several important locations including where the gods live.

Alright now for elves.

Poor-Elves

Here we have some poor elves. whether they chose to only use what they scavenge or they somehow ended up in a Luddite cult they’ve managed to be poor in a world where you can just conjure resources. For example, at one point in the story the characters go to a store and instead of just having things for sale they had a cheaper option where, instead of buying what you want, you could buy a box full of products which may be what you want, may be some other common product, or may even be some super rare or expensive item. This was all to decrease their overwhelming stock but later in the story the characters hear chatter about a shop that apparently exploded with overstock and this caused a bit of traffic which caused a Dullahan to get PO’d and yadda yadda plot. Not the point, the point is you can have so much stuff accidentally that you can destroy a building and yet these friends are like “nah”. It’s not exactly that easy, not everyone can just make everything and it’s pretty easy to screw up but still everyone else is doing it and their only problems are horrific monsters, pointless war, and unending despair caused by vindictive gods with a cruel sense of irony. Actual upon reflection, these poor elves have those problems too, just without useful tools to deal with them like magic, masonry, or shoes other than what’s found mismatched on the ground.

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Here we have some regular ordinary elves. They are good friends, some might even say cousins. The difference is these two have clothing of various colors and materials. Yellow is a pretty standard color in the elven country of Ourand because the plant that is essentially their version of cotton produces a yellow fabric. Some elves have hair that is very similar to this color and they are considered fairly ugly while green is considered attractive, blues are acceptable but basic, purple( including some fairly reddish purples) through indigo(which is bluer than you’d think) are brimming with talent, and blonde through white is considered acceptable. Those are the only colors that appear naturally in these elves. For some reason they’ve figured out hair dye but not fabric dye… This sort of thing is always something Draco enjoys. The entire thing was inspired by Draco’s first game of Civilization where Draco completely ignored boats which lead to Draco’s 21st century army being like “hello!”

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So these elves, they’ve got steam boats, magnet trains, early lighting setups, 20th century construction techniques, and body modification that would make a neolutionist blush( Go watch Orphan Black you sod), but they skipped advanced manufacturing, advanced metallurgy, animal husbandry, enchanting, and they went in an odd direction on farming.basically they grow plants in the shape they need them. So instead of creating a tunnel they’s grow one, instead of smithing something they’d grow it where possible. They don’t really do big fields they just use what’s there. This is difficult and time-consuming but they’re elves so time hardly matters. Anything that they can’t make in a sensible quantity of time can be obtained via trade with Cohavy who happen to have so many mass-produced items that their shops are literally bursting. Most of the clothes the two above are wearing would have come from there. Because of readily available resources, few enemies, and a relatively developed environment these elves are able to be carefree and eat grapes. surely nothing bad will happen to make their lives more difficult.

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Egelcarmion-Canogur, a mysterious stranger, descended from Mt. Egg one day long ago with a stern expression on his face.No matter the obstacle in his way he swiftly chopped until the obstacle was overcome. A ferocious beast? Chop. Solved! A twisting maze? Chop. Solved! A sad child? Chop. Solved! Throughout the years, Ege as he was popularly dubbed has been quite the folk hero in Ourand. This hero chases away doubt from the hearts of many. Despite the many mysteries that surround him such as ” where did he get that onesie”, “why did he suddenly appear”, “why does he often disappear and where does he disappear too”, and “how does he remove the onesie” he is still a beloved and historically relevant historical figure.

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Ourand’s army is more reliant on engineering than actual combatants. Upon reflection most of the countries Draco has going here use something other than actual living creatures to fight their battles because populations can’t really support unending bloodshed. War trains include embrasures and casemates for archers and magic users to fire projectiles from. The competent on board maintenance crew reinforces the walls and heals damage while assorted fighter people deal with anyone who somehow gets in. Their job is very exciting but then what is really. They travel from station to station, periodically between civilian trains. This brief photo-op is the most exciting thing they’ve experienced in weeks. This is why they placed a bunch of cargo in front of the door despite that being a safety hazard. Oh and the obvious rope pulley pose thing they have going on. The rope is attached to a pole-arm (the reddish-purple haired elf uses it usually,) which is levitating thanks to the blue haired staff-man train conductor. The engineer-y elf started kinda looking a bit like Julia Lepetit so if you look closely you can see Draco went full Julia. Go watch 90% of Drawfee if you don’t get the reference.

 

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Draco doesn’t actually trust you to look closely so here you go with 100% opacity.

The train is supposed to be slightly insectoid because, you know, nature.

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As for their gear, almost none of it was locally made. In edition, none of it was provide. You want to be an elf guard, better open up your pockets. That’s why it’s not particularly uniform. Some people focus on different things.

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For example this noble elf knight focused on boots for some reason. It was mentioned in a previous blag that these elves use clothing made of hair to define status. Ordinarily a knight would want things like torso armor and weapons but she’s able to make those with her cool ice magic so she’s out here with expensive fancy boots from Crotor, where they make stuff but good. So when you combine all the factors, hair clothes, expensive well made boots, magic ice armor, we can deduce that this knight is famous. They got the money, power, and status. As for status,

 

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The Elfistocracy.

This is an old elf family and their servant people. No one else of any other family or profession is bending light to make themselves invisible. Those accusations are foolish and wrong. Anyway, this family has all things these elves love. pointy angles, height, body modification, hair outfits, and waists that would almost definitely kill a human person.

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They live on top of Sky Flower, the giant space needle ripoff where everyone votes, which many are calling “pointless”. Some of these elves in the last pic were around to see it constructed and they don’t see it that way but it does sort of exclude non-elves from being involved in the discussion. The winding corridors, narrow stairways, and time dilation magic, exclude those with short lifespans and non-humanoid bodies and this has led to criticism from everyone who doesn’t live at the top of an obnoxiously large tower. There is also anger over the decision to just allow Slimera to take huge swaths of land but in their defense, the swaths of land were pretty subpar and when building a civ sometimes you have to build tall before you build wide. Luckily most people are pretty happy ignoring all the problems and even if they weren’t, what are they going to do, right? It’s not like they’d hire a cute elf assassin to sneak in and murder them. We already confirmed that that would be ridiculous. Plus Draco definitely didn’t write an entire post last time about elves being too passive, too foolish, and too unsociable or anything.

Anyway, there are a few things you might have noticed. One of the servants holding a tray has a very nice pitcher and a similar skin tone to the Richie Riches.  Definitely a coincidence, just like in real life.

To their right is a stern looking chief of staff style character. Draco found it amusing to put the chef and chief next to each other.

To the right of the chief is a maid she was the first and originally only servant here but the entire thing was supposed to be like the cover of Downton Abbey so there had to be more than one downstairs person. The others were in response so she kinda set the bar.

To the right of the maid you have another maid but this maid is a bag maiden. and she has vitiligo. Now you may wonder why she has it and the answer to your wonder is that Photoshop has been acting weird lately. For about two minutes while drawing her nothing was responding but it turns out it was just taking a while. After the two minutes every single motion Draco made with his pen appeared on her head and it looked good so eh why not.

Next up we have a flag bearer. Originally this was the knight from earlier but when Draco decided that they’d be a family they were changed into this rather muscular when compared to the others flag bearer. They’re so tall they don’t need ridiculous shoes. Keep in mind even the shortest person here would be taller than say the tallest person in the NBA by a head or two.

Next to the flag bearer is Nelindes the harpist from an earlier post. It was decided at a crucial point that this would be Nelindes’ family which set the color scheme going forward. Presumably elf families send one child to be a performer kinda like how noble human families did that “this kid inherits everything, this kid goes to the church, this kid goes to war” thing in fiction and maybe real life who knows.

Next to Nelindes is her little sister. She’s upset about any number of things. her outfit is made from Nelindes’ hair because she’s too young to have grown her own but too rich to wear normal people clothes. She is the only one who got her mother’s hair color though so that’s novel sort of. Genetics, right? That was an “eyebrow wriggle right” not a “questioning right”.

The sleepy one is sleepy because Draco was sleepy at the time. If they ever bit their tongue they’d have significantly less tongue… On the whole white hair thing that’s because that’s a shade, not a color. Technically it’s just a really light green.

The terrifying man is the papa of the household. He has survived many fashion trends and if he was still capable of thought he’d probably only regret some of them. The most regrettable would be his face stretching surgery which stopped being a thing after about a month but you can’t really undo that you know. His “make my arm and leg into an instrument” inspired Nelindes’ arm harp but this is from a time before it could be done well. They’ve really improved their body modification a lot. The tree arm is actually related to the burial practices of Ourand.

Basically in Ourand they prepare the dead body in a very specific way and then put a seed in it so a plant can grow circle of life blah blah. Unfortunately for many grave keepers a hostile race of plant people would sometimes emerge from the dead bodies. These plant people do not retain any of the personality or appearance of the person they grew in BUT what if they could the harpman thought. It’s only ever been tried on the dead so maybe a living elf would retain everything. He’d get a new body and sudo immortality( plants reproduce by making exact duplicates of themselves essentially so clones basically). While elves are supposed to be extremely long-lived, he is probably the closest to death by senescence and ghost and/or Undead elves have no right to property in Ourand. So the first time as you can see from the lack of him being a plant man it did not work but scientists suspect that’s because he tried it in his necrotic arm. This time he’s trying it in his forehead.

And at the very end on the right you have the mama. She is quite angry that sleepy is just slightly taller. She has less grotesque decaying body parts than her partner but that’s because she’s like 400 years younger than him. She’s ancient too, just less so. She honestly probably thought he’d accidentally kill himself chasing trends but ever since he cut off circulation to his brain their marriage has improved a great deal. If it does lead to immortality she’d be down for it though. She was fine with all her organs being shoved into the top half of her body so it’s not as if she’s opposed to new ideas. On that note, because she lives right next to the voting chamber and she can actually walk she’ one of the main decision makers in Ourand. She represents many of those who cannot make the trek up and surely she takes that responsibility to heart and isn’t just a rich person using her privilege to be a coruler. Even if that were the case, at least she’s smart. A real Dowager Countess type humor too without the living in the past-ness.

Lastly though, we should probably go over what a hypothetical assassin all the way on the left would be like. Maybe they’d subvert the usual assassin attire because they can be invisible. Some might declare them downright adorable for a murderer-for-hire.

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As Draco has mentioned, the magic system in this world is based on aesthetic and self reflection.While wearing a traditional assassin-y outfit could provide some useful spell justification but typical isn’t necessarily synonymous with good. Like maybe a dark blue leotard could let you say blend into the shadows but if you look radiant you could blend into the light. Shadows are still an issue though. If you’re a bit stoic you could perhaps walk silently but sometimes the loudest noise is a deafening silence.  Oh and having a laser focus might let you fire a laser not that that has anything to do with anything.

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All hypothetical here. What we should really focus on is how, because these elves are all high-class and they presumably think very highly of themselves they should have more powerful magic by default. They could also use their elevated status to elevate themselves via flight. Their propensity for being alive could even help them stay alive through various means. If it’s just something you can remove whenever you want the spell will probably be less powerful than something based on an inherent physical or character trait unless it’s something that is related to one such trait. For example if you have good eyesight glasses, while normally pointless, could give you extremely good  sight.

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Guess the point is you never know what sort of magic someone has going on and that’s why in most effective parties there’ll be a person whose job it is to figure specifically that out and what their weakness may be. Of course then those people can use spells to help them figure such things out which means they’re better at their job so they can use more powerful spells and it’s and endless cycle of justification. They tend to fall into ruts or fall to their deaths in this world.

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This was a post and a half.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elven Kingdoms for a Horse and Value Beyond Adjectives

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Draco started a weird thing where Draco drew a bunch of elves and organized them by their level of affluence. This, while fun, is inefficient and it gave Draco a bunch of stuff to do. So Draco ended up with 17 elves including one who Draco had just finished and who inspired the idea. That’s more than half of what Draco’d do in one of those month-long drawing challenge things and Draco did it in a few hours over a few days. Of course if these were ink Draco’d consider them actually done while these are not so it’ll still be a little longer before they’re all shared. Not the point not the point not the point WE HAVE A DIFFERENT POINT. So Draco was thinking about elves and reading about elves and Draco saw a post about elf governments. It always annoyed Draco how elves, despite being immortal overly talented extremely agile and infinitely wise, somehow avoid making any technological progress and they always have backwards isolationist monarchies.

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Elven ruins are most certainly more common in fiction than Elven maintained buildings

If even simple humans today can realize that’s a bad plan then elves who have seen countless nations rise and fall should be able to take a stab at saying hello to a neighboring kingdom or putting a lever and a wheel together to make Lever Wheel the Legendary Weapon of Legend or some sort of machine with levers and wheels. Who really knows, no one tried so we really have no way of finding out. Anyway, the post disagreed, because you gotta keep elves in the inefficient stone age since it’s tradition. Draco disagrees with their disagreement.

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There are of course others who disagree and you do see some elf governments led by sensible leaders and for some reason they all seem to be super prosperous such as the Aldmeri Dominion from Elder Scrolls with their strong very dominant alliances( though they’re jerks bluffing through crisis after crisis but the empire apparently isn’t good at spy games)

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and the elves from Artemis Fowl who rode around on nuclear and/or solar-powered jetpack wings( probably not healthy but nobody lives forever unless you do).

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The wiki didn’t have the source but Draco found it. No problem, just doing your job person who uploaded.

It’s odd but it’s almost as if making good decisions can lead to good things for a country and sitting in the woods doing absolutely nothing will get absolutely nothing when the dark lord whose coming was foretold millennia ago desires to burn down the ancestral glade and recover the Nightseeker Blade of Endtimes. Draco gets that tradition is a thing and some people will completely reject advancement to follow it BUT these are elves. You can’t say your elves are better, smarter, faster, then make them universally worse.

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Draco has been watching a Rimworld series on YouTube because 466 hours just isn’t enough for Draco and it features the really cool vampire mod.

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Basically the plot is that there is 1 all-powerful vampire and everyone is vying for their favor. The comment sections for these videos tend to have at least one person recommend sending the vampire to go raid a neighboring village for blood because they never have enough and it’d solve the problem to which the video maker will disparage the thought because that would just be too easy, which is fair they just don’t want to do it and if they don’t find crushing a large group single-handedly fun then that’s their choice. The problem is when you actually watch the series you notice the vampire just sits around doing little to nothing of value before going on a rampage which is swiftly ended by just a few people and sometimes a dog. Now sometimes they do kill a person but in the last episode they struggled against exactly 1 pig. The likelihood they could actually crush any sizeable group is nill to none. The single biggest thing holding the colony back is the vampire which really contradicts the narrative. Any sensible person would quickly notice their uselessness and abandon the leech holding everyone back rather than vie for a weaklings favor. It’s still nice to watch mind you, just not realistic.

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When you’re writing and someone is supposed to be better they have to be better and should display any hint of being even remotely above average. If your all-powerful vampire struggles against a small animal that a sickly child could defeat they aren’t actually all-powerful. If your wise elves can’t see that their complete ignorance of anything outside of their borders will eventually kill them then they aren’t wise. Now it’s ok to make foolish elves, don’t you worry. Draco even has foolish elves in the world Draco’s been building. The thing is that they aren’t portrayed as wise and that’s the key. The elves who embrace progress enjoy markedly better lives while those who reject it will learn they feared the wrong demons. The entire topic started with the 17 elves of various social and income ladders Draco was possessed to make and at the very tail end of said ladders are of the foolish variety. Draco just feels like glorifying Luddites because you wanted to borrow from a language nerd who you hardly understand isn’t exactly the best plan and certainly shouldn’t be the default. Tolkien may not have been a fan of industrialization but taking that as “elves must reject the future in order to coexist with nature” is lame. An actually interesting idea would be to have them coexist by coexisting. Nature doesn’t just remain forever stagnant and neither should elves.

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You know you’ve got all these smart people and in most of them you’ve got magic but you really can’t think, with all the power of your imagination, a way for them to figure out potato batteries? This shouldn’t be hard for a neigh immortal group of nature experts. There are non-destructive( if this autocorrects to no destructive again so help them) technologies and if there were anything they desperately needed but couldn’t get there is still magic. They probably wouldn’t need it because humans in real life have done it but adding in magic to their tech would harm literally nothing.

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If humans can do this magical nonsense pictured above elves would have no trouble. Now that we’ve covered technology we should obviously address diplomacy.

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Elves can talk. They have the mystical body part known as “mouth”. They speak language and language is a tool developed to create cooperation. If you told Draco that a super intelligent humanoid made a tool to cooperate and then just decided “Eh” well Draco’d laugh at you derisively. Now let’s say you were trying to make the perfect diplomat. What sorts of traits would you want this diplomat to have? Beautiful would probably be the first one because the first thing anyone sees is the face. Intelligent would be another one. They’d need a certain level of grace and composure for sure. Well-spoken would be a must as well. Charisma would also be nice. Now what you haven’t yet realized is that Draco has been describing traits that generic elves can and usually do have this entire time! Shocking, yes? So all in all Draco thinks they’d be able to make leaps and bounds in the fields of diplomacy.

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As for a system of governance, there isn’t really a right answer but that goes both ways really. A Monarchy could work but so could literally anything else. Draco went with a literal democracy because elves live so long counting every vote doesn’t seem impractical. In one of Draco’s mermay pictures you can see the building they vote at in the distance. It’s the Space Needle Ripoff if you’re bad at guessing.

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Upon reflection it’s a bit odd that they’d have a mermaid fountain since they’re on the west coast and mermaids live exclusively near the eastern coast but maybe it was built before The Tradgedy of Innebriated Seas which Draco’ll maybe write about in a more Deity related post since it characterizes them pretty well or in a merpeople post because it explains why their country is just bad in every conceivable metric for a country. You can probably parse what happened from the context clues as well.

Nearly Headless and a Death Beyond Death

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Remember that time Draco wrote a post about disliking Shadow of Mordor due to a setting full of bleak pointlessness,  flat Lord of the Rings Knockoff  characters, and the early death of the best orc nemesis Mr. Bird Mask the Deadheaded?  Well Draco bought the sequel, Shadow of War. Now you’re probably thinking, “Draco, you were unsatisfied with the first and then you bought the second?” and that’s a fair question. What you don’t know is that a Black Friday sale had it for very little. It seemed like they were trying to really get rid of them. So Draco picked it up along with a few other games and Draco decided to play this one before others in Draco’s backlog because if Draco didn’t like the first, there’d be a chance Draco’d just drop this one and move on to something else. If Draco started something Draco might love this’d still be something on the list or if Draco didn’t decide at all Draco might have just played Rimworld again and that wouldn’t be good for anyone involved. So Draco just shoved the disk in and then waited the several hours for it to install and update.

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It’s a good poem. Words to live by.

So when Draco started, you know, they do story stuff, blah blah blah, spoilers if you care, but it’s more of the same really. Shellob, the giant evil spider monster who terrified young Draco just as many things terrified young Draco( for example, the orc captain in Return of the King with his horrible ugly nightmare face), is a woman who Talion the protagonist finds very attractive. That’s sorta jarring, but then when other female characters showed up it seemed he was into all of them including a tree so at least we learn that Talion is down to smooch anything #StrongOrcGirlfriendForTalionNowPls . Not the point though!

So Draco was going through the story of Fake Aragorn and Casper the Ringmaker as they murder orcs because we haven’t gotten to the part where we mind control orcs and we go into an arena to fight because the unhelpful old guy has been taken hostage and definitely isn’t the obvious traitor. They bring out their champion, and when he dies in 3 seconds they bring out their other champion, and then when they die the gates open up and THIS GUY WALKS IN!

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What a twist. Draco didn’t see it coming. Middle-earth™_ Shadow of War™_20180203042037_1.jpg

Such a cool guy. Neck looks perfectly fine. It has a head on it which is definitely an improvement.

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It was very fun killing him again. and again. and again. and again.

But then he disappeared for a while and we made new friends.

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Thank you PS4 for ruining the majority of the screenshots.

That guy Draco forgot.

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The Mountain from Game of Thrones.

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A robot dinosaur.

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Children’s Art.

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At this point they had earn tons of good will. Just like Talion, Draco’s joy over seeing Bird Mask was unkillable. They’d have to force Draco to stop and we all know that wouldn’t happen, right?

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Of course then it happened.. There are some fates worse than loss of bird masks, such as infinite loading screens. Draco lost 15 hours to that loading screen. Not only that, it did something unforgivable.

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His weapon is no longer on fire. It was fine that in the first reappearance he was just significantly weaker and a different class because it scales to level and tracker went from a cool perk to a lame class but this was an insult that Draco didn’t notice until putting these screenshots in. This is how you know we film this show live, people. Luckily they couldn’t possibly screw up any worse…

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Wait let Draco equip his magnifying glasses…

Ahem.

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“Why did Draco use multiple The Office Gifs?” -Draco from a future time.

Put.

Your.

Mask.

Back.

On.

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Unless you chose a big ugly stupid mask over your cool bird mask that certainly doesn’t look like you followed directions. Are you having trouble understanding? Draco knows a guy who can help you fink about what you’ve done.

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But it wasn’t all bad. Despite making a bad decision, at least Kumail Nanjiani of Silicon Valley and other things stopped by to say hi.

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What a darn-tootin’ good cameo. Surely this guy will create fantastic narrative and we’ll have tons and tons of fun battles. Maybe Draco will even recruit them; make them the greatest general to ever not die. There is no way they’d die immediately to a rock crushing them or anything stupid like that.Middle-earth™_ Shadow of War™_20180209235604.jpg

Ah.

Well he could always come back and say some cool lines assuming some necromancer doesn’t resurrect him into a screaming wordless zombie during a story mission or anything…

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Oh.

Well surely someone is left to pick up the mantle of cool.

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Bolg the Deranged? A guy who just clicks his teeth very loudly for several minutes? No. Outfit’s pretty good but no. Just no.

Well, at least they didn’t all die in the beginning. Overall this game is much better. Definitely worth the money. Perverting one of the best character’s to ever be killed by Draco repeatedly did not diminish the fun. Even the setting which was essentially the same felt much nicer( probably thanks to improved and vibrant graphics along with the forts which when captured added random friends). Draco’d be up for a sequel.

 

Banking on Pokemon and a Sea of Ponyta Regrets

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One thing that’s been on Draco’s todo list for a while is “transfer Poke”.  It was written on a sticky note actually. The meaning of “transfer Poke” is that Draco has Pokemon across a variety of games and Draco would like to transfer them all to the current game. Draco put this off due to very inefficient transfer systems but because Draco finally used Pokemon Bank the task became easier. Pokemon Bank is extremely good; when compared to the old ways at least. Draco was hesitant because the old ways were free but then Draco found out that the price was well worth it and not a monthly fee like Draco thought. The next problem was that Pokemon Bank doesn’t work for all of the games. Draco was really into the games when Diamond came out so most of them were supposed to be there and that meant that Draco really only had to transfer them from Diamond into Black then Draco could use the Bank.

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The transfer from Diamond to Black involves a crossbow for some reason.

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This sadly only allows for 6 at a time and doing only the Pokemon Draco really liked took hours and because it’s timed you can actually fail to get all of them which means you have to do it again. Thankfully it’s a little bit fun.

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After doing this for a while Draco realized many Pokemon were missing. Everything really should have been in Diamond except the ones from Crystal because they’re all a bunch of mean jerks( They did just remaster it though and transferring from the remaster is very easy). Anyway after thinking a bit Draco figured out where the missing Pokes were.

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“My Pokemon Ranch” for the Wii was essentially a screen saver / storage system but Draco as a young person was happy to shove all this Pokes into it to see their kinda cute style. It’s a shame. Draco really liked how if you got enough of the same Pokemon in they’d form a little gang and if they met another gang of a type they’re weak against they’d have a kind of rivalry going on. There were some good ideas in this game but ultimately it didn’t really go anywhere just like a lot of the ideas that have been in Pokemon games. Anyway, Draco had almost 800 Pokemon in this game. Many of them were Ponyta. Draco left most of the duplicates. Somehow Draco didn’t take a Ponyta and now feels pretty dumb. Each time one was taken from the ranch a whistle noise happened. Draco blames the turbulent feelings and whistling noises for forgetting a Ponyta.

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So after getting probably around 240 of the Pokemon out Draco began the process of crossbowing them all into Black. With honed skill it was a peace of time-consuming cake. Unfortunately Draco didn’t realize that in order to send them to the bank Draco had to have them in Box 1. Each box can hold 30. The first box was easy. but then you have to move those 30 from the bank transfer box into another box which requires switching  cartridges. Then, after switching cartridges again, each subsequent box had to be moved to Box 1 one at a time. Once Box 1 was refilled we’d repeat. In total this took about 10 hours across a few days and according to the bank’s records Draco actually has 409 unique Pokemon and Draco has recorded 664 of the 806 which exist. Of those 255 there could be pre-evolution forms or it could be Pokemon other people had. There isn’t a way to tell sadly and it doesn’t seem particularly intelligent about it( They knew Draco had a Squirtle and a Blastoise and that Draco didn’t get the Blastoise through trade but Wartortle is missing). This also isn’t including Ponyta which Draco has hundreds of. Surprisingly none are shiny. Draco will have to rectify the slanderous lies of lacking Ponyta but that can be done later.

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What this has really taught Draco is that there are soooooooooo many Pokemon. It’s amazing but also impractical. Some poor 10-year-old is probably trying to catch them all right now and they won’t be finished till they’re in their 806s because they’ll live that long; yay science. And imagine if someone wanted all shinies. Draco just Googled that and apparently it took someone 3 years but that was a post from 2016 so they might not have the newest of the shinies. Maybe the previous 796 year guess was a bit much but still. This is the type of thing Draco’d do for sure if he were a vampire. It’s that along with reading all the books worth reading and watching a shōnen anime. Things that take a lifetime, you know. Ah, if only.

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Apparently shiny Ponyta is blue.

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Draco would like a shiny Ponyta. Apparently there aren’t Ponyta in Sun, Moon, or their Ultra counterparts… Draco’d have to transfer to get one… sigh… Ellipses… … …

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It should also be noted that Draco’s is favorite Pokemon as some of you may already know, is Cyndaquil. Some of you were probably thinking Ponyta and Ponyta is great but Cyndaquil is number 1. It just needed to be said. There can be NO MISTAKES.

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No mistakes…