Witchtober Begins! and the Emblematic Witch Amari

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It’s Witchtober!!!!!!! bwwr bwwr bwwr says the air-horn witch. This year we’re going to try posting some of these from WordPress in order to get more engagement from various platforms and also character limits exist sometimes. If it’s not working out we’ll stop and go back to the old way but as for now we’ll try this. Prepare for Autocorrect though. The followup autocorrect joke comes before the first so that’ll be interesting.

Here is the list.

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Today we have Emblematic Witch.

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The question really was, what is emblematic of all these witches? Over the years we’ve seen plenty of different witches with very different adjectives. Many of them have bags and there are quite a few crime lords but it would be difficult to represent all of them especially since many of them are contradictory in nature. The best chance would have to be Amari Comela, head of the Witchery Guild. She is sort of an emblem or in a less forced way of speaking a symbol to represent an ideal and preside over magical matters. Amari may not have any particularly flashy abilities but she is a very good utility witch.

Amari is always out to help wherever possible which is of course nice but it does hinder her a bit as her spells generally do not affect her. For example she can fly but only while others are flying with her. If she wanted to make food with magic she’d need to make a group serving. If she were sick and wanted to cure it she’d need 1 or more sick people so she could maybe do like a magic cloud of curing. If she were alone in the dark she wouldn’t be able to magically light anything. On top of that, if she were with others and it was exceptionally dark she would be able to light anything without first hearing, touching, or smelling the presence of another person. Tasting would work too but a situation where seeing, hearing, smelling, and touch are out of the question but tasting is possible seems unlikely but maybe some other magic user turned off specifically those senses but forgot taste and that’ll be their weakness.

Amari is more thorough than most which benefits her in her job of mostly paperwork and presiding and ultimately it’s unlikely that any spell she uses would backfire but it also leads to an inflexibility. “Do This Task Specifically” is always going to work better than “Woo magic fire go yeah yeah” at a specific task but in the next task it could go wither way. Auto correct once again being an mvp with wither way. 

Amari has a bag. It’s not a magic bag. Bags of Holding haven’t really become a thing yet but hey that’s a million triangle money idea right there. Let’s hope this year we think up a name for the triangle money.

The Witchery Guild is a powerful organization not only in our setting the magical the magical nation of Cohavy and it’s capital Masellot. They have branches all over to deal with magical crime which really they get to decide and there isn’t that much oversight. This lead to Amari being slightly respected and feared  from all over despite her very kind nature. If she’s your friend you could maybe get a magic crime overlooked and if she’s your enemy maybe your septic magic is just now illegal. That was specific but hey auto correct made it better she could literally make your magic bathroom illegal. These people haven’t invented real plumbing yet. She wouldn’t do any of this but she technically could have. Nowadays though the fear and respect has dimmed somewhat thanks to her relationship with organized crime. In a literal sense. The head boss of the head crime family who rules over all these crime lords from Witchtobers past, who can strike fear–, once again literally, would send the concept of fear to the hospital, is dating Amari. They went to school together. Amari had higher grades when the teachers were informed that they were allowed to grade them fairly( and that their families would not be gored upon said grading( people who went against the Cassidy family at the time tended to not have middles )). They’re like rivalschool sweethearts or something. You would think associating with such people would only make her more feared but you were not at the meeting where they were calling each other nicknames and saying the word “meow” audibly. You weren’t there for the butterfly kisses. They are really the mushy lovey dovey sort. It was an important meeting. Someone had a permit to have their home perpetually on fire and they died which released the spell keeping only their house and fire but the permit didn’t specify that only their house could be on fire so technically it could spread forever and they needed her to input on whether they could extinguish it and they really needed her to say yes. Two other homes burned down and now one of them has a ghost that no one can seem to get rid of it’s all a mess really and that’s when the fear went away. People like her well enough but still but they don’t really count on her anymore and that’s a little sad. Also important to note is that death works differently in this world. Resurrection is doable and necromancy is belittled but still popular with many. Ghosts stick around even if you’re brought back to life which could then be used to bring you back to life twice. That’s a magic crime though so don’t try it. So really her inaction only lead to inconvenience but it made public opinion closer to correct so that’s a kinda good.

The other witches are just background characters. Some of them are coworkers who are dragged out of bed every morning. One of them has a helicopter hat instead of a broom and that’s strange.

Her name according to Google Translate means Not Really Banana which is accurate because she isn’t a banana. That’s some fun trivia.

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Stone Hearts and Shouting at Shoggoths

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Draco wrote the last blag ,which you didn’t see, 3 times. Draco sometimes tries to keep it around 400 words but when you aren’t even half-way done and you’re past 3200 that is not 400. Anyway let’s try a different one…

Draco just finished Stonehearth the other day. Very cute little fantasy city builder.

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The good parts of Stonehearth are very cute and good. They are also little. Story, the buildings, the Hearthlings themselves, sound, gameplay, just apply those adjectives and you’ll get the idea on your own.

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Look at little Liam Lessel in a tiny house watching that Hearthling sleep.

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Cute farmers farming cute farm fields.

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Cute Caribou. Cutibou if you will. Valiantly guarding the good town.

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a cute conversation about something good. Also Vert Greene is passing by selling plants and seeds. Ya’ll should check that out.

So you get the idea. In Stonehearth you build a cute village where you can have walls, moats, and such. It’s all voxel based unlike most of this genre. There are even three campaigns and 3 quest lines which differs from the usual quest in these games which is survive and thrive. You can do the human town paperwork quest, the rabbitpeople quest, and the befriend orcs by fighting quest. On top of those they all essentially lead up to a boss fight against essentially Cthulhu.

Tangent. Draco doesn’t like the whole HP Lovecraft Cthulhu story. HP Lovecraft as a person sucks but mostly it’s all that pessimism that annoys Draco. So if you don’t know, Cthulhu is a big old squid elder thing and in the story they try to stop Cthulhu with a boat. They just ram em with it and when that doesn’t work they’re just like “oh no this is impossible oh no oh woe is mankind we’re so small compared to you Dr. Unbeatable Cthulhu Smith esq.” and it’s like they didn’t even lose the boat. They sailed away. In the boss fight for Stonehearth you need to slowly whittle the thing away. These little Hearthlings had a heck of a lot more courage and persistence than those sailors and they didn’t even have a boat. NOT EVEN A RAFT! If a person, especially if they’re backed up with other people, stands up and never gives up then we can accomplish anything no matter how big the Cthulhu-esque problem.

 

In the same vein, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood’s Roy Mustang. Watch that one if you can since it’s on Netflix AND Crunchyroll but if not here’s the clip which gets pretty much the entire point across.

 

 

The problem with Stonehearth is that it kinda runs horribly. There are issues and features which should have been addressed but that’s the fault of the company that bought the studio and told them they were going to stop paying for it if they didn’t release it soon. There is mod support so if modmakers ever update their mods that won’t be a problem. It’s a solid base game so mods can fix that and make it shine.

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Sadly the mythical creatures mod seems dead. 😦

 

The only really egregious problem is that it absolutely isn’t optimized. Draco is running like 15 tabs, steam, Photoshop, etc, and Draco’s GPU will sit at about 6% at maximum. Boot up Stonehearth and only Stonehearth and it goes up to 100. Sure we had that Cthulhu discussion and decided that giving 100% is important but not in this way. The previous sentence was added in post to enhance the excerpt, anyway… If there is rain the game freezes pretty quickly but it’ll freeze without rain as well. If you can put two and two together you might suspect that a titanic Titan Cthulhu boss showing up and spawning lots of wavy tentacles, portals which spew enemies all over the map, and whipping up huge storms of particle effects  could potentially cause system problems as well.On top of the freezes Draco’s computer just screams the entire time, and not in an ice cream way mind you. Apparently even though they recommend 64 bit it runs better with 32 bit. Draco isn’t one to mess with that sort of thing. Just save every 30 minutes but let’s be honest every 5. Oh and make sure if you buy it to buy it on sale.

Slow Time Syntax, Lich Yo Self, and Too Many Transformations

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Draco hasn’t been able to draw very much recently as everything has been a bit slow( the entire comp crashed one time). Draco tried writing some blags but he just wasn’t confident in them. Especially because the autocorrect thingy keeps changing words into different words yet can’t figure out Draco meant “you” from “yu”.

For some reason Draco decided to do a timeline of major events in regards to his worldbuilding because who knows why. Turns out it’s very fun. Definitely a good way to generate ideas and flesh out characters. You basically just start at the beginning, something happens, then some more stuff, till you have a sizable portion of stuff happening. Then you start doing consequences of those things that were happening and have some more things happen to boot. You don’t even have to go in order either. The only real worry you’ll have is to make sure things don’t happen because of things in the future UNLESS it’s a time travel story in which case go wild.

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On an unrelated note, Draco doesn’t like the words plane and plain. A plain can be a plane and that’s just infuriating. It’d be like if rectangles were called Squairs. Like not all Squairs are Squares but every Square is a Squair. Imagine hearing that in Geometry Class.

Oh and Draco cut the line that made this make sense. How about a time paradox for you right there in the year 2018. That’s some heavy time right there that is.

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Anyway, timeline of major events. Draco had the idea while watching a video about Liches because Draco just really likes Liches. Not necessarily the typical “Hey look at me, I’m an evil skeleton wizard” Lich, but the concept works. Demiliches, at least in D&D stray even farther from what Draco wants but while trying to figure out what Mallory is the idea of a demilich seems to cover it, just instead of astral projecting and having no useful body, her soul is kept with Mr. Spikey the Eldrich Horror in his personal nightmare dimension most of the time and her body is maintained and while not particularly coordinated is still more useful than a piñata. Honestly Draco isn’t sure why those lame demiliches would even bother maintaining a skull to begin with. A lot of Lich behavior in general is a bit baffling. Flesh and skin, while not the best materials perhaps, have many benefits. Have you ever broken a bone in say your arm or leg? Bet you enjoyed that flesh keeping the end of your limb connected to your body, huh? Oh but you have magic to protect your bones, huh? Couldn’t think of a better use for all that energy huh? Well Strawlich, what do you need the skeleton for then, huh? Why not go be a magical ghost? Cut the whole phylactery deal out the window, or just put half your soul in it and go be an unkillable ghost? What? you’d miss the benefits of having a body like talking to people and owning things? Well guess what BUCKAROO! That’s easier with flesh and skin! If you keep up a nice hygienic appearance people will sell you things, give you things, help you for no reason other than their kind hearts. All that stuff you want? Maintain your flesh and it will be EASIER to get them. What’s faster, killing a librarian and stealing their entire collection, or asking a librarian to help you find the book you want to read at the given time, returning it when it’s due, and then checking out another book. You’ve got the magic, you’ve got the time, get yourself some skin. Treat yo self, smart liches, because you deserve it.You dedicated yourself to knowing things and you learned how to make yourself immortal, a task many try and fail at, you deserve a little flesh. If you don’t know how to do so, well go look it up. All of the Liches in Draco’s world have flesh because anyone who can actually get that far isn’t a lazy sack of garbage. Even just ordinary undead, if they have a brain, have flesh. If it can think, it’s wrapped in a meaty layer. Skeletons, sure they don’t have flesh, but who would want to be a skeleton anyway? Certainly not an extremely powerful magic user. That would just be dumb. Well except for those Spooky Scary Skeletons, but they don’t count. That’s a different franchise of internet phenomenon. If a skeleton was born that way it doesn’t really apply here. That’s a different sort.

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Wait a minute… Skeletons don’t naturally stick together. Magic is keeping that skeleton together. Draco has potentially made this argument before but why not just have a cloud of angry bones? Why not have twelve arms and three skull heads? How are they seeing without eyes? Magic? Why do they need a skull? Why not more arms?  10,000 arms. Made of bone knives. They make this same argument with robots. Why would a robot have to be humanoid when it could be more efficient as a non-humanoid? The same goes for liches. If they no longer care for their mortal flesh why do they care so much about their mortal upright position. Maybe they could be a better lich by walking like a horsey? This blag wasn’t even supposed to be about liches, then it was only supposed to be slightly about liches, but Strawlich, why are you carrying around your legs when you are constantly hovering? Even if they touch the ground it’s all for some sort of stupid show. Is that it? You keeping that skeleton because you want to be imposing? Well going full Alphonse Elric and being in a suit of armor instead would be a hell of a lot more imposing.

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Go be a suit of armor instead, idiot. Go be 10,000 rib-cages, that’ll scare them, champ. Get some crab hands you dumb-butt. Or 6 heads so you can read faster, numskull. You’re supposed to be smart but here you are saying ” Look at me, I’m a skeleton. Look at me, look at me go woosh. Skeleton. Yeah. I’m a smart skeleton running around, watch me. Watch me be a skeleton and use magic. Woo! Bet you’re impressed I’m a kselltong”. No, Strawlich, Draco isn’t impressed that you’re a kselltong. No one is. Draco and everyone think that’s very dumb. Hopefully some of you smart liches out their can learn from the mistakes of Stawlich the kselltong and practice even remotely good hygiene.

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Anyway, Draco’s last drawing from before the lag was of a lich which is convenient and totally unplanned.

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As you can see she’s got her flesh but she is fairly young. Her name is Sheppard and that’s her last name, not her first.  Can’t really remember it at the moment but she goes by Sheppard so it doesn’t really matter. Sheppard was always impressed by other people. She was nice enough herself and confident to boot but other people had cool powers, abilities, stuff, etc. One day, she saw a lich and thought, “eh, I should try that” and so she did. Saw a vampire once. Now she has a blood shield surround her body. Does she need it as a lich? Not really but it could come in handy. One time she saw a person from the Sildurenth empire and how they all have cool suits of armor that were like alive and could fight for their owner. She made two of those and while they aren’t as good as the genuine Sildurenth article there are two of them.  Less lifelike but good for carrying things and wearing funny outfits. Demons are usually good at convincing people to go along with their stupid deals and nonsense so her cape is made of their hair. Her cloak is made from fireproof scales because being fireproof is one of the most admirable qualities a person can have. Sheppard was having a great time collecting things and improving herself but then one unfortunate day she met a werewolf-ish-ly inclined fellow. Of course Sheppard isn’t dumb, she tested it once just to make sure it’s safe. So she replicated all the things she’d already done to herself on another person and then added lycanthropy to the mix and it worked fine. No reason to really think there’d be a problem. Sadly there was a problem. It didn’t really go well. There were conflicting skeletons, the sun rising wasn’t really removing it. Basically she had to have her suits of armor punch her unconscious, which was difficult because of all her defenses. It took a while, was painful, and because the test subject succeeded where she failed, she became a little more hesitant, a lot less confidant, but she’s still interested in collecting more. Ancient artifacts, useful materials, interesting transformations, a spell that can remove unwanted dog-body-hair, if someone else has it she’d like to have it as well.

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Also her entire character is inspired by how Draco uses Rimworld mods and so she’s been in Draco’s latest Rimworld colony. Werewolf  vampire lich transformations crashed the game and forced Draco to really fiddle for a like 2 hours. The problem is in the forced werewolf transformations during a full moon. Just disable those and level up one of them via god mode since you won’t be able to level the forms up. It’s cheating but since the real way doesn’t always work and will crash your game it’s fair in Draco’s book. Plus if you’re able to get a character with either of those it’s not like you’d lose anyway. Draco was testing out nuclear weapons from one of the mods on Sheppard and she survived 2 out of 3 so a normal raid stands no chance. She was able to resurrect since it didn’t destroy her body, don’t you worry. Plus Draco wouldn’t have stood for a missing pelvis counting as a fatality. People are missing their pelvis all the time and you don’t hear them complaining about it. It isn’t like an important organ it’s a bone which should have been  Regenerable. Like Sheppard gave an enemy brain rot one time and doctors were able to fix that, a pelvis is no biggie. Sadly the death randomness mod hasn’t updated to Draco’s knowledge so there’s nothing to do in that respect.

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You might be able to see her in a pile of dead Imperial Scout Troopers. It’s a little hard to see because the enemy had some sort of static fog ability and Sheppard has a death fog ability. Also she has a cool magic hood that covers her face but that’d hide her face so no. Miñoca is the werewolf that inspired her and the test subject was named Bren. Bren was part of a werewolf clan with a blood oath that made them unrecruitable. Draco of course recruited them out of spite through necromantic means, then we tested the werewolf lich vampire transformation on them and it was fine until the 800 or so errors piled up. Draco tried the experiment again on an android because that definitely won’t cause errors and it didn’t the android is ridiculously strong. She was able to punch Sheppard’s head off and both of Mallory’s arms off. They were fine after but it was still the most damage anything had done to them aside from one staff that’s actually just too overpowered but not in a fun way. The key too balancing overpowered powers is that they neither make the character unkillable forever or instantly kill whatever they’re pointed at without a warm-up, warning, or cool-down. Raising the bar is fine, chucking the bar into the ocean isn’t.

 

 

Awareness of Existence and Utility

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Draco has been merming the maids for may again. It’s fairly time-consuming and Draco hasn’t had any time to write so ideally we will keep this one short. Draco was supposed to be doing more frequent shorter blags but these last few have been long so seriously let’s keep this to about 400 words.

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Draco was existing as he tends to do and Television also happened to exist at the same time. It was on some channel and what was playing should probably be considered a war crime. So Draco changed the channel and ended up watch a cartoon which according to Instagram is very popular called Star vs the Forces of Evil.

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Draco hasn’t watched much of it and the episodes Draco did watch were from the third season so it’s not like Draco can discuss it but there was something interesting. It was the Christmas analogue episode and they panned through their cute little kingdom doing winter things and this one background character was just crouched, doing nothing off to the side. When the camera finally centered on them and sufficient time had passed they threw a snowball. Basically this random background character was like “I’m fully aware of you camera, I’m not going to start acting until I’m in the spotlight”.  Ordinarily this sort of scene is supposed to have people going about their daily lives which would have been fine and if they had a character standing around by accident it’d be an embarrassing mistake but this was just very good. To be fairer though any accident would be bad so that’s not really a point. It was just something to notice and Draco enjoyed it. It’s important when you create to dissect other media and figure out the things you like to give yourself a wider array of tools to work with.

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Also Draco could not find a gif of what that scene usually looks like or the scene itself so you’ll really need to excuse Draco a bit if that wasn’t specific enough or if that’s THE background character and it’s some sort of running gag. Draco just needed a topic that wasn’t “welp we’re 23 days into #mermay”. Maybe go watch the episode yourself and get inspired. Or watch something else and get inspired. Stare at a wall and get inspired.

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Really your mission is to just get inspired. Didn’t want a mission? Boo-hoo.

The Elfpocalypse and Lore Galore

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In the last post Draco was talking about elves in general because Draco was drawing many elves but hadn’t finished them enough to just post them. Now Draco has finished them enough to post them. Prepare for many elves and tons of lore/facts/ general story details on the elven country of Ourand and its inhabitants. Maybe you’ll need the map…

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map now updated with several important locations including where the gods live.

Alright now for elves.

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Here we have some poor elves. whether they chose to only use what they scavenge or they somehow ended up in a Luddite cult they’ve managed to be poor in a world where you can just conjure resources. For example, at one point in the story the characters go to a store and instead of just having things for sale they had a cheaper option where, instead of buying what you want, you could buy a box full of products which may be what you want, may be some other common product, or may even be some super rare or expensive item. This was all to decrease their overwhelming stock but later in the story the characters hear chatter about a shop that apparently exploded with overstock and this caused a bit of traffic which caused a Dullahan to get PO’d and yadda yadda plot. Not the point, the point is you can have so much stuff accidentally that you can destroy a building and yet these friends are like “nah”. It’s not exactly that easy, not everyone can just make everything and it’s pretty easy to screw up but still everyone else is doing it and their only problems are horrific monsters, pointless war, and unending despair caused by vindictive gods with a cruel sense of irony. Actual upon reflection, these poor elves have those problems too, just without useful tools to deal with them like magic, masonry, or shoes other than what’s found mismatched on the ground.

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Here we have some regular ordinary elves. They are good friends, some might even say cousins. The difference is these two have clothing of various colors and materials. Yellow is a pretty standard color in the elven country of Ourand because the plant that is essentially their version of cotton produces a yellow fabric. Some elves have hair that is very similar to this color and they are considered fairly ugly while green is considered attractive, blues are acceptable but basic, purple( including some fairly reddish purples) through indigo(which is bluer than you’d think) are brimming with talent, and blonde through white is considered acceptable. Those are the only colors that appear naturally in these elves. For some reason they’ve figured out hair dye but not fabric dye… This sort of thing is always something Draco enjoys. The entire thing was inspired by Draco’s first game of Civilization where Draco completely ignored boats which lead to Draco’s 21st century army being like “hello!”

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So these elves, they’ve got steam boats, magnet trains, early lighting setups, 20th century construction techniques, and body modification that would make a neolutionist blush( Go watch Orphan Black you sod), but they skipped advanced manufacturing, advanced metallurgy, animal husbandry, enchanting, and they went in an odd direction on farming.basically they grow plants in the shape they need them. So instead of creating a tunnel they’s grow one, instead of smithing something they’d grow it where possible. They don’t really do big fields they just use what’s there. This is difficult and time-consuming but they’re elves so time hardly matters. Anything that they can’t make in a sensible quantity of time can be obtained via trade with Cohavy who happen to have so many mass-produced items that their shops are literally bursting. Most of the clothes the two above are wearing would have come from there. Because of readily available resources, few enemies, and a relatively developed environment these elves are able to be carefree and eat grapes. surely nothing bad will happen to make their lives more difficult.

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Egelcarmion-Canogur, a mysterious stranger, descended from Mt. Egg one day long ago with a stern expression on his face.No matter the obstacle in his way he swiftly chopped until the obstacle was overcome. A ferocious beast? Chop. Solved! A twisting maze? Chop. Solved! A sad child? Chop. Solved! Throughout the years, Ege as he was popularly dubbed has been quite the folk hero in Ourand. This hero chases away doubt from the hearts of many. Despite the many mysteries that surround him such as ” where did he get that onesie”, “why did he suddenly appear”, “why does he often disappear and where does he disappear too”, and “how does he remove the onesie” he is still a beloved and historically relevant historical figure.

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Ourand’s army is more reliant on engineering than actual combatants. Upon reflection most of the countries Draco has going here use something other than actual living creatures to fight their battles because populations can’t really support unending bloodshed. War trains include embrasures and casemates for archers and magic users to fire projectiles from. The competent on board maintenance crew reinforces the walls and heals damage while assorted fighter people deal with anyone who somehow gets in. Their job is very exciting but then what is really. They travel from station to station, periodically between civilian trains. This brief photo-op is the most exciting thing they’ve experienced in weeks. This is why they placed a bunch of cargo in front of the door despite that being a safety hazard. Oh and the obvious rope pulley pose thing they have going on. The rope is attached to a pole-arm (the reddish-purple haired elf uses it usually,) which is levitating thanks to the blue haired staff-man train conductor. The engineer-y elf started kinda looking a bit like Julia Lepetit so if you look closely you can see Draco went full Julia. Go watch 90% of Drawfee if you don’t get the reference.

 

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Draco doesn’t actually trust you to look closely so here you go with 100% opacity.

The train is supposed to be slightly insectoid because, you know, nature.

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As for their gear, almost none of it was locally made. In edition, none of it was provide. You want to be an elf guard, better open up your pockets. That’s why it’s not particularly uniform. Some people focus on different things.

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For example this noble elf knight focused on boots for some reason. It was mentioned in a previous blag that these elves use clothing made of hair to define status. Ordinarily a knight would want things like torso armor and weapons but she’s able to make those with her cool ice magic so she’s out here with expensive fancy boots from Crotor, where they make stuff but good. So when you combine all the factors, hair clothes, expensive well made boots, magic ice armor, we can deduce that this knight is famous. They got the money, power, and status. As for status,

 

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The Elfistocracy.

This is an old elf family and their servant people. No one else of any other family or profession is bending light to make themselves invisible. Those accusations are foolish and wrong. Anyway, this family has all things these elves love. pointy angles, height, body modification, hair outfits, and waists that would almost definitely kill a human person.

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They live on top of Sky Flower, the giant space needle ripoff where everyone votes, which many are calling “pointless”. Some of these elves in the last pic were around to see it constructed and they don’t see it that way but it does sort of exclude non-elves from being involved in the discussion. The winding corridors, narrow stairways, and time dilation magic, exclude those with short lifespans and non-humanoid bodies and this has led to criticism from everyone who doesn’t live at the top of an obnoxiously large tower. There is also anger over the decision to just allow Slimera to take huge swaths of land but in their defense, the swaths of land were pretty subpar and when building a civ sometimes you have to build tall before you build wide. Luckily most people are pretty happy ignoring all the problems and even if they weren’t, what are they going to do, right? It’s not like they’d hire a cute elf assassin to sneak in and murder them. We already confirmed that that would be ridiculous. Plus Draco definitely didn’t write an entire post last time about elves being too passive, too foolish, and too unsociable or anything.

Anyway, there are a few things you might have noticed. One of the servants holding a tray has a very nice pitcher and a similar skin tone to the Richie Riches.  Definitely a coincidence, just like in real life.

To their right is a stern looking chief of staff style character. Draco found it amusing to put the chef and chief next to each other.

To the right of the chief is a maid she was the first and originally only servant here but the entire thing was supposed to be like the cover of Downton Abbey so there had to be more than one downstairs person. The others were in response so she kinda set the bar.

To the right of the maid you have another maid but this maid is a bag maiden. and she has vitiligo. Now you may wonder why she has it and the answer to your wonder is that Photoshop has been acting weird lately. For about two minutes while drawing her nothing was responding but it turns out it was just taking a while. After the two minutes every single motion Draco made with his pen appeared on her head and it looked good so eh why not.

Next up we have a flag bearer. Originally this was the knight from earlier but when Draco decided that they’d be a family they were changed into this rather muscular when compared to the others flag bearer. They’re so tall they don’t need ridiculous shoes. Keep in mind even the shortest person here would be taller than say the tallest person in the NBA by a head or two.

Next to the flag bearer is Nelindes the harpist from an earlier post. It was decided at a crucial point that this would be Nelindes’ family which set the color scheme going forward. Presumably elf families send one child to be a performer kinda like how noble human families did that “this kid inherits everything, this kid goes to the church, this kid goes to war” thing in fiction and maybe real life who knows.

Next to Nelindes is her little sister. She’s upset about any number of things. her outfit is made from Nelindes’ hair because she’s too young to have grown her own but too rich to wear normal people clothes. She is the only one who got her mother’s hair color though so that’s novel sort of. Genetics, right? That was an “eyebrow wriggle right” not a “questioning right”.

The sleepy one is sleepy because Draco was sleepy at the time. If they ever bit their tongue they’d have significantly less tongue… On the whole white hair thing that’s because that’s a shade, not a color. Technically it’s just a really light green.

The terrifying man is the papa of the household. He has survived many fashion trends and if he was still capable of thought he’d probably only regret some of them. The most regrettable would be his face stretching surgery which stopped being a thing after about a month but you can’t really undo that you know. His “make my arm and leg into an instrument” inspired Nelindes’ arm harp but this is from a time before it could be done well. They’ve really improved their body modification a lot. The tree arm is actually related to the burial practices of Ourand.

Basically in Ourand they prepare the dead body in a very specific way and then put a seed in it so a plant can grow circle of life blah blah. Unfortunately for many grave keepers a hostile race of plant people would sometimes emerge from the dead bodies. These plant people do not retain any of the personality or appearance of the person they grew in BUT what if they could the harpman thought. It’s only ever been tried on the dead so maybe a living elf would retain everything. He’d get a new body and sudo immortality( plants reproduce by making exact duplicates of themselves essentially so clones basically). While elves are supposed to be extremely long-lived, he is probably the closest to death by senescence and ghost and/or Undead elves have no right to property in Ourand. So the first time as you can see from the lack of him being a plant man it did not work but scientists suspect that’s because he tried it in his necrotic arm. This time he’s trying it in his forehead.

And at the very end on the right you have the mama. She is quite angry that sleepy is just slightly taller. She has less grotesque decaying body parts than her partner but that’s because she’s like 400 years younger than him. She’s ancient too, just less so. She honestly probably thought he’d accidentally kill himself chasing trends but ever since he cut off circulation to his brain their marriage has improved a great deal. If it does lead to immortality she’d be down for it though. She was fine with all her organs being shoved into the top half of her body so it’s not as if she’s opposed to new ideas. On that note, because she lives right next to the voting chamber and she can actually walk she’ one of the main decision makers in Ourand. She represents many of those who cannot make the trek up and surely she takes that responsibility to heart and isn’t just a rich person using her privilege to be a coruler. Even if that were the case, at least she’s smart. A real Dowager Countess type humor too without the living in the past-ness.

Lastly though, we should probably go over what a hypothetical assassin all the way on the left would be like. Maybe they’d subvert the usual assassin attire because they can be invisible. Some might declare them downright adorable for a murderer-for-hire.

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As Draco has mentioned, the magic system in this world is based on aesthetic and self reflection.While wearing a traditional assassin-y outfit could provide some useful spell justification but typical isn’t necessarily synonymous with good. Like maybe a dark blue leotard could let you say blend into the shadows but if you look radiant you could blend into the light. Shadows are still an issue though. If you’re a bit stoic you could perhaps walk silently but sometimes the loudest noise is a deafening silence.  Oh and having a laser focus might let you fire a laser not that that has anything to do with anything.

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All hypothetical here. What we should really focus on is how, because these elves are all high-class and they presumably think very highly of themselves they should have more powerful magic by default. They could also use their elevated status to elevate themselves via flight. Their propensity for being alive could even help them stay alive through various means. If it’s just something you can remove whenever you want the spell will probably be less powerful than something based on an inherent physical or character trait unless it’s something that is related to one such trait. For example if you have good eyesight glasses, while normally pointless, could give you extremely good  sight.

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Guess the point is you never know what sort of magic someone has going on and that’s why in most effective parties there’ll be a person whose job it is to figure specifically that out and what their weakness may be. Of course then those people can use spells to help them figure such things out which means they’re better at their job so they can use more powerful spells and it’s and endless cycle of justification. They tend to fall into ruts or fall to their deaths in this world.

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This was a post and a half.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elven Kingdoms for a Horse and Value Beyond Adjectives

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Draco started a weird thing where Draco drew a bunch of elves and organized them by their level of affluence. This, while fun, is inefficient and it gave Draco a bunch of stuff to do. So Draco ended up with 17 elves including one who Draco had just finished and who inspired the idea. That’s more than half of what Draco’d do in one of those month-long drawing challenge things and Draco did it in a few hours over a few days. Of course if these were ink Draco’d consider them actually done while these are not so it’ll still be a little longer before they’re all shared. Not the point not the point not the point WE HAVE A DIFFERENT POINT. So Draco was thinking about elves and reading about elves and Draco saw a post about elf governments. It always annoyed Draco how elves, despite being immortal overly talented extremely agile and infinitely wise, somehow avoid making any technological progress and they always have backwards isolationist monarchies.

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Elven ruins are most certainly more common in fiction than Elven maintained buildings

If even simple humans today can realize that’s a bad plan then elves who have seen countless nations rise and fall should be able to take a stab at saying hello to a neighboring kingdom or putting a lever and a wheel together to make Lever Wheel the Legendary Weapon of Legend or some sort of machine with levers and wheels. Who really knows, no one tried so we really have no way of finding out. Anyway, the post disagreed, because you gotta keep elves in the inefficient stone age since it’s tradition. Draco disagrees with their disagreement.

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There are of course others who disagree and you do see some elf governments led by sensible leaders and for some reason they all seem to be super prosperous such as the Aldmeri Dominion from Elder Scrolls with their strong very dominant alliances( though they’re jerks bluffing through crisis after crisis but the empire apparently isn’t good at spy games)

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and the elves from Artemis Fowl who rode around on nuclear and/or solar-powered jetpack wings( probably not healthy but nobody lives forever unless you do).

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The wiki didn’t have the source but Draco found it. No problem, just doing your job person who uploaded.

It’s odd but it’s almost as if making good decisions can lead to good things for a country and sitting in the woods doing absolutely nothing will get absolutely nothing when the dark lord whose coming was foretold millennia ago desires to burn down the ancestral glade and recover the Nightseeker Blade of Endtimes. Draco gets that tradition is a thing and some people will completely reject advancement to follow it BUT these are elves. You can’t say your elves are better, smarter, faster, then make them universally worse.

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Draco has been watching a Rimworld series on YouTube because 466 hours just isn’t enough for Draco and it features the really cool vampire mod.

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Basically the plot is that there is 1 all-powerful vampire and everyone is vying for their favor. The comment sections for these videos tend to have at least one person recommend sending the vampire to go raid a neighboring village for blood because they never have enough and it’d solve the problem to which the video maker will disparage the thought because that would just be too easy, which is fair they just don’t want to do it and if they don’t find crushing a large group single-handedly fun then that’s their choice. The problem is when you actually watch the series you notice the vampire just sits around doing little to nothing of value before going on a rampage which is swiftly ended by just a few people and sometimes a dog. Now sometimes they do kill a person but in the last episode they struggled against exactly 1 pig. The likelihood they could actually crush any sizeable group is nill to none. The single biggest thing holding the colony back is the vampire which really contradicts the narrative. Any sensible person would quickly notice their uselessness and abandon the leech holding everyone back rather than vie for a weaklings favor. It’s still nice to watch mind you, just not realistic.

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When you’re writing and someone is supposed to be better they have to be better and should display any hint of being even remotely above average. If your all-powerful vampire struggles against a small animal that a sickly child could defeat they aren’t actually all-powerful. If your wise elves can’t see that their complete ignorance of anything outside of their borders will eventually kill them then they aren’t wise. Now it’s ok to make foolish elves, don’t you worry. Draco even has foolish elves in the world Draco’s been building. The thing is that they aren’t portrayed as wise and that’s the key. The elves who embrace progress enjoy markedly better lives while those who reject it will learn they feared the wrong demons. The entire topic started with the 17 elves of various social and income ladders Draco was possessed to make and at the very tail end of said ladders are of the foolish variety. Draco just feels like glorifying Luddites because you wanted to borrow from a language nerd who you hardly understand isn’t exactly the best plan and certainly shouldn’t be the default. Tolkien may not have been a fan of industrialization but taking that as “elves must reject the future in order to coexist with nature” is lame. An actually interesting idea would be to have them coexist by coexisting. Nature doesn’t just remain forever stagnant and neither should elves.

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You know you’ve got all these smart people and in most of them you’ve got magic but you really can’t think, with all the power of your imagination, a way for them to figure out potato batteries? This shouldn’t be hard for a neigh immortal group of nature experts. There are non-destructive( if this autocorrects to no destructive again so help them) technologies and if there were anything they desperately needed but couldn’t get there is still magic. They probably wouldn’t need it because humans in real life have done it but adding in magic to their tech would harm literally nothing.

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If humans can do this magical nonsense pictured above elves would have no trouble. Now that we’ve covered technology we should obviously address diplomacy.

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Elves can talk. They have the mystical body part known as “mouth”. They speak language and language is a tool developed to create cooperation. If you told Draco that a super intelligent humanoid made a tool to cooperate and then just decided “Eh” well Draco’d laugh at you derisively. Now let’s say you were trying to make the perfect diplomat. What sorts of traits would you want this diplomat to have? Beautiful would probably be the first one because the first thing anyone sees is the face. Intelligent would be another one. They’d need a certain level of grace and composure for sure. Well-spoken would be a must as well. Charisma would also be nice. Now what you haven’t yet realized is that Draco has been describing traits that generic elves can and usually do have this entire time! Shocking, yes? So all in all Draco thinks they’d be able to make leaps and bounds in the fields of diplomacy.

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As for a system of governance, there isn’t really a right answer but that goes both ways really. A Monarchy could work but so could literally anything else. Draco went with a literal democracy because elves live so long counting every vote doesn’t seem impractical. In one of Draco’s mermay pictures you can see the building they vote at in the distance. It’s the Space Needle Ripoff if you’re bad at guessing.

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Upon reflection it’s a bit odd that they’d have a mermaid fountain since they’re on the west coast and mermaids live exclusively near the eastern coast but maybe it was built before The Tradgedy of Innebriated Seas which Draco’ll maybe write about in a more Deity related post since it characterizes them pretty well or in a merpeople post because it explains why their country is just bad in every conceivable metric for a country. You can probably parse what happened from the context clues as well.

Nearly Headless and a Death Beyond Death

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Remember that time Draco wrote a post about disliking Shadow of Mordor due to a setting full of bleak pointlessness,  flat Lord of the Rings Knockoff  characters, and the early death of the best orc nemesis Mr. Bird Mask the Deadheaded?  Well Draco bought the sequel, Shadow of War. Now you’re probably thinking, “Draco, you were unsatisfied with the first and then you bought the second?” and that’s a fair question. What you don’t know is that a Black Friday sale had it for very little. It seemed like they were trying to really get rid of them. So Draco picked it up along with a few other games and Draco decided to play this one before others in Draco’s backlog because if Draco didn’t like the first, there’d be a chance Draco’d just drop this one and move on to something else. If Draco started something Draco might love this’d still be something on the list or if Draco didn’t decide at all Draco might have just played Rimworld again and that wouldn’t be good for anyone involved. So Draco just shoved the disk in and then waited the several hours for it to install and update.

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It’s a good poem. Words to live by.

So when Draco started, you know, they do story stuff, blah blah blah, spoilers if you care, but it’s more of the same really. Shellob, the giant evil spider monster who terrified young Draco just as many things terrified young Draco( for example, the orc captain in Return of the King with his horrible ugly nightmare face), is a woman who Talion the protagonist finds very attractive. That’s sorta jarring, but then when other female characters showed up it seemed he was into all of them including a tree so at least we learn that Talion is down to smooch anything #StrongOrcGirlfriendForTalionNowPls . Not the point though!

So Draco was going through the story of Fake Aragorn and Casper the Ringmaker as they murder orcs because we haven’t gotten to the part where we mind control orcs and we go into an arena to fight because the unhelpful old guy has been taken hostage and definitely isn’t the obvious traitor. They bring out their champion, and when he dies in 3 seconds they bring out their other champion, and then when they die the gates open up and THIS GUY WALKS IN!

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What a twist. Draco didn’t see it coming. Middle-earth™_ Shadow of War™_20180203042037_1.jpg

Such a cool guy. Neck looks perfectly fine. It has a head on it which is definitely an improvement.

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It was very fun killing him again. and again. and again. and again.

But then he disappeared for a while and we made new friends.

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Thank you PS4 for ruining the majority of the screenshots.

That guy Draco forgot.

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The Mountain from Game of Thrones.

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A robot dinosaur.

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Children’s Art.

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At this point they had earn tons of good will. Just like Talion, Draco’s joy over seeing Bird Mask was unkillable. They’d have to force Draco to stop and we all know that wouldn’t happen, right?

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Of course then it happened.. There are some fates worse than loss of bird masks, such as infinite loading screens. Draco lost 15 hours to that loading screen. Not only that, it did something unforgivable.

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His weapon is no longer on fire. It was fine that in the first reappearance he was just significantly weaker and a different class because it scales to level and tracker went from a cool perk to a lame class but this was an insult that Draco didn’t notice until putting these screenshots in. This is how you know we film this show live, people. Luckily they couldn’t possibly screw up any worse…

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Wait let Draco equip his magnifying glasses…

Ahem.

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“Why did Draco use multiple The Office Gifs?” -Draco from a future time.

Put.

Your.

Mask.

Back.

On.

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Unless you chose a big ugly stupid mask over your cool bird mask that certainly doesn’t look like you followed directions. Are you having trouble understanding? Draco knows a guy who can help you fink about what you’ve done.

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But it wasn’t all bad. Despite making a bad decision, at least Kumail Nanjiani of Silicon Valley and other things stopped by to say hi.

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What a darn-tootin’ good cameo. Surely this guy will create fantastic narrative and we’ll have tons and tons of fun battles. Maybe Draco will even recruit them; make them the greatest general to ever not die. There is no way they’d die immediately to a rock crushing them or anything stupid like that.Middle-earth™_ Shadow of War™_20180209235604.jpg

Ah.

Well he could always come back and say some cool lines assuming some necromancer doesn’t resurrect him into a screaming wordless zombie during a story mission or anything…

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Oh.

Well surely someone is left to pick up the mantle of cool.

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Bolg the Deranged? A guy who just clicks his teeth very loudly for several minutes? No. Outfit’s pretty good but no. Just no.

Well, at least they didn’t all die in the beginning. Overall this game is much better. Definitely worth the money. Perverting one of the best character’s to ever be killed by Draco repeatedly did not diminish the fun. Even the setting which was essentially the same felt much nicer( probably thanks to improved and vibrant graphics along with the forts which when captured added random friends). Draco’d be up for a sequel.

 

Banking on Pokemon and a Sea of Ponyta Regrets

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One thing that’s been on Draco’s todo list for a while is “transfer Poke”.  It was written on a sticky note actually. The meaning of “transfer Poke” is that Draco has Pokemon across a variety of games and Draco would like to transfer them all to the current game. Draco put this off due to very inefficient transfer systems but because Draco finally used Pokemon Bank the task became easier. Pokemon Bank is extremely good; when compared to the old ways at least. Draco was hesitant because the old ways were free but then Draco found out that the price was well worth it and not a monthly fee like Draco thought. The next problem was that Pokemon Bank doesn’t work for all of the games. Draco was really into the games when Diamond came out so most of them were supposed to be there and that meant that Draco really only had to transfer them from Diamond into Black then Draco could use the Bank.

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The transfer from Diamond to Black involves a crossbow for some reason.

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This sadly only allows for 6 at a time and doing only the Pokemon Draco really liked took hours and because it’s timed you can actually fail to get all of them which means you have to do it again. Thankfully it’s a little bit fun.

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After doing this for a while Draco realized many Pokemon were missing. Everything really should have been in Diamond except the ones from Crystal because they’re all a bunch of mean jerks( They did just remaster it though and transferring from the remaster is very easy). Anyway after thinking a bit Draco figured out where the missing Pokes were.

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“My Pokemon Ranch” for the Wii was essentially a screen saver / storage system but Draco as a young person was happy to shove all this Pokes into it to see their kinda cute style. It’s a shame. Draco really liked how if you got enough of the same Pokemon in they’d form a little gang and if they met another gang of a type they’re weak against they’d have a kind of rivalry going on. There were some good ideas in this game but ultimately it didn’t really go anywhere just like a lot of the ideas that have been in Pokemon games. Anyway, Draco had almost 800 Pokemon in this game. Many of them were Ponyta. Draco left most of the duplicates. Somehow Draco didn’t take a Ponyta and now feels pretty dumb. Each time one was taken from the ranch a whistle noise happened. Draco blames the turbulent feelings and whistling noises for forgetting a Ponyta.

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So after getting probably around 240 of the Pokemon out Draco began the process of crossbowing them all into Black. With honed skill it was a peace of time-consuming cake. Unfortunately Draco didn’t realize that in order to send them to the bank Draco had to have them in Box 1. Each box can hold 30. The first box was easy. but then you have to move those 30 from the bank transfer box into another box which requires switching  cartridges. Then, after switching cartridges again, each subsequent box had to be moved to Box 1 one at a time. Once Box 1 was refilled we’d repeat. In total this took about 10 hours across a few days and according to the bank’s records Draco actually has 409 unique Pokemon and Draco has recorded 664 of the 806 which exist. Of those 255 there could be pre-evolution forms or it could be Pokemon other people had. There isn’t a way to tell sadly and it doesn’t seem particularly intelligent about it( They knew Draco had a Squirtle and a Blastoise and that Draco didn’t get the Blastoise through trade but Wartortle is missing). This also isn’t including Ponyta which Draco has hundreds of. Surprisingly none are shiny. Draco will have to rectify the slanderous lies of lacking Ponyta but that can be done later.

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What this has really taught Draco is that there are soooooooooo many Pokemon. It’s amazing but also impractical. Some poor 10-year-old is probably trying to catch them all right now and they won’t be finished till they’re in their 806s because they’ll live that long; yay science. And imagine if someone wanted all shinies. Draco just Googled that and apparently it took someone 3 years but that was a post from 2016 so they might not have the newest of the shinies. Maybe the previous 796 year guess was a bit much but still. This is the type of thing Draco’d do for sure if he were a vampire. It’s that along with reading all the books worth reading and watching a shōnen anime. Things that take a lifetime, you know. Ah, if only.

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Apparently shiny Ponyta is blue.

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Draco would like a shiny Ponyta. Apparently there aren’t Ponyta in Sun, Moon, or their Ultra counterparts… Draco’d have to transfer to get one… sigh… Ellipses… … …

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It should also be noted that Draco’s is favorite Pokemon as some of you may already know, is Cyndaquil. Some of you were probably thinking Ponyta and Ponyta is great but Cyndaquil is number 1. It just needed to be said. There can be NO MISTAKES.

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No mistakes…

 

 

 

Extraordinarily Ordinary and Yawn-Stop Action

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So Draco was writing a post about accomplishing things on his todo list. The problem was that Draco was putting all of them in one post and Draco could definitely get multiple posts out of these. Draco will start with this one despite writing this one last because Draco mentioned doing so. Actually Draco has mentioned several of them… Draco shall ignore that and continue on. Though leaving the two windows open may have messed up the entire process. Hopefully it works out.

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On Draco’s todo list; One of those character from random archetypes things Draco was doing. Draco didn’t do it right away because it was boring. The problem with random is that sometimes you get a bad roll. But Draco did it. The key was to not go at it from a straightforward angle. Basically the character Draco was tasked with has been done to death but then Draco remembered that in the world Draco’s writing which Draco should eventually name, there is a country populated with undead. Draco’s undead though, they’re different in a drastic way, as Draco has mentioned a few time. They hunger for cosplay instead of human flesh. Which is perfect because this character is essentially a generic JRPG protagonist and that can be justified away with cosplay. Let’s go over them so it’s easier to write.

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Chuunibyou

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Only those with truestsight will be able to read this.

The Chuuni for short is a character with delusions of uniqueness. It might be that they claim to have a magical power, a dark pact, gang affiliations, any sort of combat ability, emotions, etc. It’s generally harmless and often annoying. At best it’s fun. At worst someone dies. Somehow even in works with actual special powers you still see it. The character just ends up being extra extra. Sure anybody can cast fireball but only they can cast extreme scorching cinder orb mk III.

 

Ordinary Man

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Ordinary man is a super hero with the power to diffuse any supernatural situation by making it more mundane. That’s not true though. The ordinary man is an ordinary man. They aren’t particularly remarkable. An average Joe.  Average will obviously depend on what everyone around them is like but for the most part they’re just boring audience surrogates. It’s an obviously common character but also often used incorrectly. Sure you claim to be ordinary but you accidentally burned your home down and just happened to have plenty of money to rebuild it and then go on a blimp vacation with your boat that isn’t a yacht but it’s a yacht. We aren’t buying it. The ordinary man is pretty easy to understand. Just create someone not prepared to be in the story at all. If they are qualified in any way to do a task, make sure it doesn’t happen until you’ve properly established how unprepared they truly are.

 

All-Loving Hero

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What’s better than thwarting evil? Befriending evil! Everyone will be the All-Loving Heroes friend. Did they just meet? Friend! Did they just happen to be in the same room? That’s a friend worth dying for. Most Gundam protagonists attempt to be this hero and then fail miserably. Recruit the enemy to one’s side is great because it both subtracts from enemy numbers and adds to ally numbers but this character will pay any price because they love their friends. They are pretty powerful generally because anyone who isn’t 100% on the evil train will eventually just join up to stop this idiot from annoying them. Sure they murdered billions of people across several planets, but it was because their dad didn’t buy them a puppy and now the All-Loving Hero bought them a puppy so it’s fine.

 

And when you combine these archetypes you get a regular guy with an unusual fashion sense who will fight you until you’re their friend. So yeah a JRPG protagonist. Here we go.

Undead-Chuni

He is a very triangular boy to let you know how edgy het is but his sword is rather square to let you feel all safe and protected. Draco tried a technique where you zoom out as far as possible and scribble out a form and then you keep the parts you like. The hair is stupid in a reminiscent way. It’s probably a wig. It was a hat at one point and that looked awful. The outfit is messy and worn wrong so you know this guy is a rebel with a cause called wearing clothes wrong. It’s important to remember though that this is a character they’re playing. The actual character probably would still have all the skin on their arm and neck. Maybe not if they wore that outfit in the snow. They’d be blue though.This guy is purple because as you know undead people are purple. That’s just science. Their face is happy but also plain to help you know that he is just like you.  Now you may be thinking you don’t relate to this guy at all but when dealing with the Ordinary Man being actually average or ordinary in a realistic sense hardly matters. This guy like all the undead in Draco’s world so that’s ordinary. Pockets are ordinary. Big jackets are ordinary. They’re pretty ordinary overall; to the point that Draco is about to yawn…

So the character he’s dressed as is named Bosket. Bosket would be some sort of crusading mercenary who’s all rough and tumble but who never leaves an ally behind. They travel across the land taking names and helping people. Definitely a frowner.

The actual character would be named Matrov. Draco derived that name by searching for Berserk Cosplay and then taking some letters from the cosplayer’s username which was then Draco’d into a name.

Matrov Magnificent is a guy who died several years ago and he exists. Matrov likes cosplay characters with big swords because when he was alive he had one. His favorite food is strawberry tart.

Matrov is a total side character. Probably the weakest character out of all the characters Draco has generated randomly. That’s fair though. They should absolutely never be the main character in any story.

Anyway here, here, and here are the lists. Draco won’t know what he roles from these lists but due to the rather poor roles of late Draco might rerole later. If it’s not interesting there isn’t all that much point.

1st: 31!

2nd: 40!

3rd: 61!

These had better be good… If it’s not good Draco’ll change it.

 

Let’s Play a Game For One Together and Draco Navigates By Echolocation

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So Draco was playing Hand of Fate 2. It’s a lot like solitaire if solitaire had a man who magically placed cards for you while also occasionally commenting. It’s more than that but it kinda just occurred to Draco that the main visible character’s role is sorta superfluous. He didn’t even invent the magic card game, he just changed it some. Like what Disney-owned Marvel did with Spider-Man. Sure, he is the one making them float around but if he wasn’t there you could just use your hands and while he may comment on the cards he doesn’t read them, that’s left for the player.

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This is from Hand of Fate, not Hand of Fate 2. Hand of Fate 2 has very few gifs available.

He has story relevance sort of but that’s not the topic we’re here for. Hand of Fate 2 is part card game, part assassin’s creed fighty bits, and then there are these gambits which involve actual focus and reflexes. This was a problem for Draco because Draco is too busy thinking in 64 dimensions to precisely press a button at the exact right time. By that Draco means he watches videos and usually has a third task like sketching something or grinding in Pokemon.

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Draco prefers turn based games. Draco was determined to get through it despite  being unfocused.  It was especially bad when at one point in the story a companion needed his arm amputated and this was represented by a swinging pendulum game. Draco kept being within a sliver of the target and story wise that would probably represent Draco beginning to amputate the arm but then deciding that the location was bad so he’d stop just short and start at a higher point. Just imagine that though. You already think you’re going to die and then you have your friend essentially cutting your arm off several times because they were being picky about it.

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But that was the past. Now Draco is semi decent because at one point Draco had a flash of insight. Draco’s eyes weren’t up to the task of telling his hands when to press the button so Draco cut them out. Of the equation. Metaphorically of course. Draco closed his eyes used a mystical power known as hearing. Draco took in the song of the pendulum and let the tune guide Draco’s hand. Somehow this nonsense works and that’s amazing. This didn’t help at all in any other aspect of the game but still it was pretty cool. Draco was impressed with himself. Wasn’t impressed by all the missed blocks in combat. The rolls where Draco got 3 with 3 dice were pretty sad. Picking the single fail card in a 4 card shuffle( Like a 3-card monte except this is what Draco calls it) was fairly disappointing.  The precision though, just amazing. Daredevil would be great at those and also terrible at all the others.

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Anyway perhaps the moral of the story is that we need to stop and listen while cutting someone’s arm off. Maybe, if everyone did that, we’d have less arms; and that’s what really matters.

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