Indictments of the Otherworldly and not Lawful Order-er

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In another post Draco started on about one of Draco’s pet peeves but that wasn’t the entire post. Guess what. Draco wrote this at the beginning of the month of July. Unrelated sure but come on, just writing “now it’s an entire post” was a gimme. Gotta throw a Jigglypuff in now and again.

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So to summarize, Draco doesn’t like how many fantasy creatures fail to understand contract law. You can’t run a business and then when someone walks in wanting to be the best at badminton say you’ll help them for no money if you later plan on taking their soul. That’s not how laws work. A soul is a body part and has value according to ebay a few years back. Draco can appreciate if you’re just like “I’m evil and I’m going to take your soul” because your intentions are clear, both parties understand the interaction, and it’s not like you’re trying to push an imaginary legal authority on someone. Does Draco like that you’re taking people’s souls? No. Don’t take people’s souls; that makes you a jerk. A little honesty goes a long way.

Draco could not find a gif of this sadly. This meant that Draco did not have to draw something but ended up doing so anyway to just make himself feel better.

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Fenix Wrought, Azrael Attorney

Draco also hates when a ghost or sphinx is like “hey I got this riddle, get it wrong and I’ll kill you”. Just because you have the body of a lion or no body at all does not mean anyone has to answer your riddles and a person answering wrong doesn’t give justification to murder someone. Once again however, Draco can appreciate if a monster is just like “Hey, I’m going to murder you”. That reminds Draco of an related tangent not about sphinxes so prepare yourself for that.

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One of Draco’s favorite parts in Divinity Original Sin II(spoilers for the last act), Draco was in a city and it was near the end of the game. Basically every street a group of assassins would pop up, declare which faction they were loyal to and why they came to kill Draco and then approximately 6 seconds later they retreated because Draco just immolated half their group. You would think the same joke happening repeatedly would get old but it did not.

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by Gweno

Also during this section Draco had too much money so Draco was just giving money to ever non-hostile person he went by. Draco figured the villain might try to turn the city against Draco at some point so Draco was buying their loyalty while the going was hot. This ended up being unnecessary but Draco was so beloved by the time everything was said and done that even if Draco did get all the power in the end Draco still would have ended up divine probably. Again not really related to sphinx but if a sphinx had been there and done that it would have been swell. There were also ghosts but they were the polite kind that never tried to murder Draco for arbitrary riddles. Actually the game did provide a power that lets you eat ghost and Draco never used it on a ghost.

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And the last topic is on fairies. Draco watched a video on this which is actually what prompted the idea to talk about all this again and in said video the person mentions not to eat food from whatever you want to call the world fairies are from. They called it Fairy but you could also use the Feywild, First World, Fey Acre, Sylvan Glade, Otherworld, Fairyland, The Realm of the Fairies, Faerealm, Wonderland let’s be honest, Twilight Everglade, Old Jersey, The Realm with No Name but a Really Long Stand-in Title That Gets the Point Across Without Being Overly helpful, etc. Whatever you call it you don’t want to eat there because in fairy stories if you do you’ll be forced to work there for hundreds of years like a person who can’t pay in a restaurant. Fairies are supposed to have alien values but this is a thing that really just annoys Draco. If you broke into Draco’s home and ate food the last thing that would be on Draco’s ideal possibilities list is you staying for any length of time. If you were invited in and ate food well Draco probably also wants you to leave but that’s just a personal preference. Go away. Back to the point, there is the suggestion with this that you are consuming something of value and you being forced to stay is in someway fair but that’s not true. If a story(store but apparently auto-correct thinks story makes more sense so we’re leaving it to let you decide) offered you a glass of water and after you took a sip told you that you’d now work for them till your bones turned into dust you would not call that fair. The addition of insect wings doesn’t make that situation more fair. Now you could say maybe fairies don’t understand the value of food, that hard labor is hard, or even that hundreds of years might be a long time for creatures that live on average less than a hundred years. You could say that. Does them not understanding protect them from criticism? Draco’s just going to say that if you’re going to make and enforce a rule about something you should understand it. Now if the lore was like you can’t take anything out of this fairyland well Draco could accept that. What are you going to do about air though? Ooh or memories? That’s a bit unreasonable. Keep the rule to just food and water, you can leave once you go to the bathroom, and then we’re good. Maybe take some of their blood if you still want it to be an exchange of value but if you invite them in and then charge them Draco is still going to be mad at you. Don’t take bones because you already said you didn’t understand life spans and you certainly won’t know which bones are safe to take. Draco would also let you take items from them in exchange for food but once again not if you invite them in no. If you’re going to charge someone and claim a position of fairness you need to have prices listed and you need to understand that if you offer someone something you aren’t entitled to anything but a basic level of decency which everyone deserves.

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There’s also the thing about fairy place that if you get invited to dance you’ll be dancing for years. This feels much better to Draco. If everyone is having a good time let them dance. If you’re forcing everyone to dance Draco would say that’s a party foul. You shouldn’t force a party. It’s less egregious but still. Oh and there’s also the thing where you get lost easily in the fairy place. That’s fine in Draco’s book. While it’s polite to help with directions it’s not required. Draco apparently doesn’t give good directions and so it would be hypocritical to complain about that.

The point is that Draco isn’t saying that these creatures need to be perfect and benign, just that they shouldn’t try to justify it.

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Draco could not find a gif of the classic Scooby-Doo and that’s shocking.

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The Part 2 Rises as The Divine Descend and A Shirt Witch Appears!

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Alright, part 2! It took so long to post, Draco doesn’t necessarily remember everything we were doing in PART 1 but it’s fine. We got the essence of it all. Word of warning, Spellcheck seems to have been removed. We are all doomed. Moving on. While the last part featured the the various misfits brought together by the banner of the Brairlot Community, this one features the deities who call Uthshell home.

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Let’s start with Staril. One of the many gods of Draco’s pantheon. They may look like some sort of fashion model and they certainly would oversee something like fashion but as you can see if you look closer is that they exist in multiple locations. Staril is in a state of constant flux, every move they make they make disjointedly. Sometimes when they take a step their leg does what it did several seconds ago, or several seconds from now. Sometimes they change directions but still end up at the same destination. They wouldn’t be able to do a “how many fingers am I holding behind my back” because they’d be holding up ever finger combination at the same time. They also can’t really close their eyes so they always wear sunglasses. Staril’s domain is over the similarly ever shifting, moving, changing. Popular trends, infrastructure,  societal norms,  transportation, the human heart, cuddling, cats, that sort of thing.  They’re friends with Holse, God of burial, bonds, popped collars, you know, we’ve talked about him before.

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Remember Holse? That hand isn’t great but it’s a glove so whateves. Hole the very buff snake friend who actually started off as very bad Hollow Knight fanart. Draco tried to do it from memory and gave him three horns so it was pivoted into what eventually became Holse.

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Next up we have a group shot. Some more gods of the pantheon jogging on an Uthshell riverbank. They get bored. they don’t need to jog but what else is one to do? Some of the gods jog, some do book clubs, some jog and participate in book clubs, some create monsters to pit them against each other in battles which feature great music, and some walk among the mortals and do whatever. Ablass just lounges.

Once again twitter includes the previous tweet for some reason. Regardless, we’ll go over the gods in the group shot once again starting from the left.

Kesfli is a fun one and was for a long time considered the babby of the group.  Because everyone in the Pantheon is super smart, Kesfli, as the babby, was put in charge of baby stuff. Also elegance and procrastination. They supplement limbs with that specific green.

Krys is based on a stain from a leaky roof. The roof stopped the leak but not soon enough for this shape to remain. They’re only a minor god due to not being capable of speech. They cover water, arms and armor, resting bish face, being cold in general(personality wise), resistance, etc.

Rex is super creatively named. A dinosaur that accidentally got caught in a people machine. There are better ways to write that sentence but no thank you. Rex is bald and likes sweaters. They also do bookkeeping, management, and inspection.

Gatre is the god of power and victory. Gatre is made of gold. Mostly just an arrogant little friend. If you haven’t noticed by now, their domains aren’t really decided by who best fits what. It’s partially who fits what best but it’s also voluntary. Holse doesn’t really know about Burial but neither did anyone else  for example. They also along with their domains govern regions and the regions that Gatre presides over have historically been defeated so victory is questionable. If anther god with more success really wanted it they could make a case to claim it but since a lot of people would like to be victorious that’d be a lot of work so that’s unlikely.

Foreum is a quite the busybody goddess. Essentially Foreum is the PR Goddess, managing the Ministry of Welcome and writing up any sort of scripture which needs to go to the in the know public. There are a few Ministries which are staffed mostly by angels and fae but sometimes other gods will join in. They make the gears turn how you say. The Ministry of Welcome shares information with the public but they also organize most of the entertainment on Uthshell such as this jogging session or the create an animal battle pits.

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They also have feasts and music festivals but Draco didn’t have a picture of that. There are book clubs but those don’t take much setup. They set out the chairs though and bring snacks. It’s all to keep the vibe good so their jobs can vary. Most of the Ministries have some overlap aside from the Ministry of Death which really only does the one thing. Maybe two if you count paperwork related to that.

Back to Foreum though, She has four faces, each displaying a different emotion. Do the emotions on the faces match with the emotions she’s feeling? Almost always no. Like retail employees you know? The faces don’t really move aside from the faces rotating to the front and then that front one can move but not dramatically. Also like retail employees. Also their hair is fiery. Very loud speaking voice too. They have domain over hospitality, emotions, jubilance, adaption, and a minor in publishing but most people don’t really talk about that. Mortals don’t have printing presses yet but also magic can make copies so they’re in a weird in-between

And now for our final pic of this blag which was written far too long ago and went on for far too long, Shirt Witch.

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We’ve been referencing Shirt Witch for a little while now and now they finally have form. This blag would have been posted almost 4 weeks ago if the previous blag didn’t promise Shirt Witch but here we are. Shirt Witch is a Witch who makes shirts. They’re a good example and useful for comparison. Weaker than Shirt Witch means you are not for fighting in any capacity and stronger of course means you’re ACCEPTABLE. It’s pass fail.

Well we didn’t cover every single picture but oh well. Thematically this works better. Shirt Witch sort of breaks the theme buuuuuut what if shirt witch doesn’t? What if Shirt Witch is some sort of Demigod? What a shocking reveal! A character Draco made as an example with divine lineage? Will tales be told of their heroics or will they embrace their darker impulses and cast a wide shadow over the land? Regardless, tales are going to be told so hey now’s a good time to get into the tales business.Also let’s be honest, they make shirts. They aren’t going to cat a large shadow unless they made a giant shirt but still, who cares? The land’ll be fine.

Draco Struggles to Come Up With Any Topic and Then Makes a Two-Parter Part 1

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Draco has not been inspired with any fun ideas to write about lately. By lately Draco means like a month ago when Draco wrote this post probably. Also Draco hurt his shoulder which delayed it again. Hahahaha it’s better now hopefully. Draco beat Hollow Knight a while ago but when trying to write about it all Draco had was “Draco thought he didn’t like platformers, but then Draco played some platformers and liked them. This, along with Hollow Knights design and upcoming sequel convinced Draco to play it. It’s very good. Draco hurt his thumb playing.” and that’s not all that interesting spread out.  Plenty of people have already said Hollow Knight is great and it is great. Draco even did a fan art of it which you’ve probably already seen. We’re going to post a few drawings that we’ve seen before by the way. Heads up from a future Draco.

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It really was a good game despite the real actual pain it caused. Draco isn’t bitter though. Draco even has the collectors edition arriving eventually.

The best parts of Hollow Knight are the lovable endearing protagonist, interesting environments, and the lore. So when Draco was drawing it was like eh, let’s draw some things from Draco’s giant world building document. OR maybe that started before this. We need a topic though and all this together is a topic. We need to ride this until Draco finds something other than “ghosts, fae, and devils need to learn how contract law actually works. You can’t just say oooooo you walked though my door, ate my fruit, or looked in my direction, and now I get to murder you for eternity.” even though that could tie into how most EULAs are utter ridiculous garbage. Ugh just imagine that. You buy some fruit, bring it home, and then inside the fruit you find a 900 page document written in legal jargon you aren’t familiar with. There are a lot of assumptions going on with these lawyer ghost devil fae beings here. Lucky for everyone they all, by existing, agreed to Draco’s super secret ultra binding EULA which gives Draco ownership of their eyes. It’s less than one page and it has the words “Draco owns your eyes” printed on it. This is off topic. Enough of that.

So Draco started with some Brairlot Community people.

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This was apparently before Witchsona Week so this was definitely before Hollow Knight. Maybe. You’ve probably already seen this one on Twitter.

So the main thing Draco wanted here was to draw this pack animal which Draco calls a Hefalafe. It’s a monotreme and one of the first “magic using” animals Draco designed for this world. In a world where magic is super prevalent it doesn’t really make the most sense to have only regular animals. It’s also weird when magical creatures don’t really have anything magical about them. Griffins. While they’re magical creatures they’re just a mix of animals. While there aren’t real griffins conceivably there could have been. The Hefalafe harnesses magic to invigorate and inspire plant growth, giving them food even in inhospitable regions. They have a positive impact on the environment. Griffins, while cool, aren’t much different then say, a big cat. Maybe if their feathers were magic or they could talk– That’s another creature Draco gets mad about. Sphinxes. Who decided that everyone has to answer your riddles or you get to kill them. Draco can respect a Griffin going around doing its own thing more than some jerk who feels entitled to your riddle answers. The Hefalafe won’t force anyone into a game of death riddles. It’s a fairly passive animal who will really only try to gore you if you’re a real jerk.

They’re also the backbone of the Brairlot Community. The Brairlot Community it the northernmost country and they are the largest group of uniform wearing people anywhere is this somehow still unnamed world. It was during this drawing that Draco decided that operate in squads of four but that isn’t exactly unusual. They do mix and match a bit but if they work together well they’ll stick together. These friends are less interested in the fighting and moreso in entertainment.

On the left we have Mulberry, a big talker. Not only is Mulberry not the color of Mulberry’s hair, Mulberry is more of a low-level bard than a soldier.

Next is Kaury, a centaur cleric. Kaury heals people and sings. A Classic Fire Emblem-esque cavalry based healer.

Shirt Witch from last blag could trounce both of these two without a doubt.

Frist Yero is a little bit more of the fighty type. They are quick and vigilant. Frist’ll do a hymn or poem if the moments right but Frist is mostly in the group because half the team is weaker than Shirt Witch and in this dangerous world you need to be at the very least as powerful as Shirt Witch.

Eyal is a very strong fae with strength disproportionate to their size. They’re also interested in stand up comedy. Fae in this world have it similar to younger people in this world because if either use magic it can go very badly. Lucky for Eyal they have a natural strength which compensates. The Brairlot Community and Uthshell where the gods live are the only locations where Fae can gain citizenship outside of a fairy village. Generally they’re treated as tourists or guests but in the Brairlot Community everyone can come and contribute to the war effort against the invisible threat for the good of everyone or whatever. We’ve been over that.

Off the heals of this one Draco decided to do some more Brairlot Community people.

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This one is a training yard, for you know, training and such. IT was almost just one person but it really spiraled out of control. These people didn’t get names yet but they’re mostly background anyway.

The leftmost background character is slightly notable in that they’re part unicorn. It always seemed weird that there were mundane animal / human people but very few magical animal / human people. Sure a unicorn person and a centaur aren’t really that different, especially when standing behind barrels, but it’s still something you would think you would see.

The next three are fairly mundane looking from far away but one of them has prosthetic arms and that is one of the sort of specialties of the Brairlot Community. Usually those aren’t that necessary since there are people who could just regrow limbs and such but sometimes those people could be far away, or there could be a curse, or maybe you thought ice armor would be a great idea and you keep losing them to frostbite and no one wants to deal with you anymore/ you’re lazy. Oh and maybe like one of the early villains who actually appear in Draco’s Story you want the prosthetic for your magic. Yeah his name was Virtue and he had his hands replaced with blades so that he could do a v pose with them. Not practical for say, using utensils, but it’s a show of dedication and it makes his magic stronger. It was a while ago but Draco definitely drew Virtue.

It’s not very good. Maybe Draco will fix it in the part 2 of this. Maybe you don’t even know this is going to be split yet. Draco’s living in the future right now. Draco adds the pictures after writing but Draco ain’t adding a non-lore-congruent-bad-pic. Oh wow we even get to the reason why it’s not lore congruent after this point but it’s unapparent because you won’t see it. That hardly makes sense to you probably. Ignore it or try guessing if you want. It’s 3 paragraphs away as of writing this. So much future yo. On top of that you definately knew there’d be a part 2 because title. Even more future Draco caught you there bucko.

Next up we have an unusual friend who is less or you could say more of this world.You see, long before the gods came to this world there were others and these other gods created other people who created a different far more futuristic society. These futuristic people did marvelous things but the other gods got bored and steered them towards a Jurassic Park style situation. Unexpectedly the futuristic society went a step above and went all Jurassic World, creating their own super creatures which ended up Kaiju-ing them into a collapse. They tried building shelters, building killer androids, becoming killer androids, portals to somewhere, poison, but infighting screwed up most of those. The other gods, now unable to recover, sold the world as is, to the very cheap current gods for a heavily discounted price. So in a way this world is a post-post-post-apocalyptic world. So there are tons of ruins with cool sci-fi nonsense in them. Most of the major cities are built around some sort of food or medicine producing ruin. This friend though, they’re made of several androids. The amount of broken androids in the Brairlot community is what part of what inspired them to make good prosthesis.  The loot up north isn’t the best which actually works in their favor here. If the androids were fine there wouldn’t be all these spare parts. Androids, who would by most accounts be considered exceptional golems, are exceptional. Even the friendly sort of companion android has the crush an armored head with their bare hands strength. The ones with weapons like this one are equipped for much larger game than almost anything available. The right spell caster could best them and they do have that obvious weak point on their leg and or any of the visible exhaust ports so it’s not all-powerful but this particular android is more from group combat. They’re also a mishmash so they don’t really excel at it. Better than a fleshy human person probably.

This cat friend is the reason for the season. The pose was done and it necessitated a scene. Draco wasn’t going to let that pose go to waste. This is all their fault. They’re for that lightning lifestyle. what a sentence. Really makes it all worth it. Draco was thinking we had a few too many pyromancers so it was time to bring some– apparently they don’t really have an equivalent term for lightning mages. Draco tried. Someone said Astrapomancy but that sounds awful. Voltomancy almost sounded better but the Google results were weird so let’s not. Let’s just call it lightning magic and move on. Sigh…

Next we have a demon. They’re some sort of channeling priest-y type. In this world there are two types of demons, new world and old world demons. Basically the old world had demons but they weren’t destroyed like the old civ was because they were safely tucked into a hell-like area. According to the timeline Draco made it took the gods 62 years to notice them and 1 day to wage a one-sided war against them which ends in capitulation and some romance. Checked the timeline again and it apparently takes the couple more than 38 years to bring labels into their relationship. Fun. So then almost 6000 years later, the very same year a King of the Sildurenth Empire outlaws pants, the gods decide to make their own demons. These new demons are more like scary looking genies though sometimes they’re conjured into existence extra cute for some reason. They do have the ability to change their appearance but usually they’re pretty secure. They also got the ability to pop their skeleton out of their body but it does leave them as vulnerable as you’d expect. They can still move while skeleton-less because of how their flying works(It’s magic, not aerodynamics) but it does need to eventually go back in/ be regenerated or else it won’t go back in. Anyway, this demon is a healer specifically, with a stethoscope tail, scalpel horns, and vestment-y vestments. Vestments are cleric-y and priest-y, right? Draco is unsure and therefore taking a -y-y approach. They’d probably heal people by screaming into the air and calling forth intense healing beams.

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This is from a little while ago but they’re all new world. The old world demons are usually more plot relevant and  generally less friendly looking. Draco used to do the signature like that and it’s probably better to be honest. You probably seen this one too.

Ram people, or Sheep people, such as the one we have next to the demon, are very recent to the world. At some point the gods were looking at the ramshackle buildings some people lived in and someone joked that Ram people must live there and that’s about it. Imagine finding out that the reason for your existence was maybe a pun. Is that a pun? Sure, we’re 1400 words over like usual so we should probably do a part 2 instead of going over probably like 20 more characters. We’ll finish these up though. The Ram or Sheep people, being significantly behind everyone else got their own island. Because their nation was of an island sort, boats were a thing they thought of naturally on their own. Because of boats they were able to expand to other islands which existed solely because having one island only looks dumb. This was also where some of the merpeople were transplanted after the ocean was slightly poisoned during The Tragedy of Inebriated Seas but they are mostly ignored because of guilt.There is also a Centaur nation since they didn’t really have much success on the main continent and there was going to be a Apivul( a mix of dwarves and bees)  nation but the centaurs took care of that real quick. Not the point though. The Ram or Sheep people of MARKI(They don’t believe in lowercase) expanded, unfortunately for them, onto a formerly uninhabited island which was shaped like a creature from a cartoon that was popular during some of the gods childhoods so the gods were like nuh-uh and shoved them all back to the first island. They also amped the danger levels of the ocean in that area up to 11. Now MARKI is more wary of where they send their boats but you still get some sifted onto the main continent. At no point in their creation did anyone say “Hey, there are already multiple peoples with ram horns and hooves”. This Ram or Sheep person is more focused on these overlaps than anyone was during their creation. In keeping with themes they pretty much only got in to compare and contrast. They’d probably use some sort of kinetic magic if Draco had to guess.

Draco just remembered that they did appear last mermay. For some reason Twitter feels the need to include the mermay before that one we’re talking about. In the background though. See in the bushes? If Twitter messed up and you only see Sharknado-boy well that’s a good one but you can probably find the correct one in the replies. Ugh. Apparently it’s invisible only while editing and every time Draco tried to re-add it it worked.

 

 

 

 

In the wagon stable area we have a person with an actual weapon. It’s easy to forget with all the magic and all the natural unarmed ability that weapons also exist. This contrary to that point is a magic firearm. Converts your body heat into ammunition instead of using actual projectiles.Useful weapon for the demon blooded or any fire based creature capable of using it. They’re effective against undead but they can kill you with overuse so it’s not the most reliable weapon. Considering this person has one they’d probably be fine using one but that also probably means they don’t have any cool magic. At the very least no cool long range magic.

Also notable in the wagon area we have a buff friend. Their deal is that they can fuse their arms into one super arm and gain exponential strength. It’s a simple and effective idea which is more practical during work as opposed to some sort of battle. They’d need some sort of defense spell in a battle. They might be able to best that Ram or Sheep person but pretty much everyone else has a way to take out their arm. It’s one weak-spot compared to two.

You ever watch The C Team? The wagon part was Draco’s fav. That’s the inspiration for the wagon area.Watch that show if you want and a need for background noise. Great theme song.

 

Anyway, we’ll do a part two.

Goblinguists and Goblummoxes

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Draco has heard the question “what exactly is a goblin” several times. There is even a goblin week but Draco was busy because that’s also a witch week. So Draco asked some people. Mainly Draco’s Mom and people on Twitter. Also Draco asked Draco himself but Draco declined to comment. Just kidding, Draco did comment.

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Draco put all of the goblins together for some reason but it works out since at least one person said Goblins operate in groups. The point though is that none of these are necessarily what the submitters thought they’d be yet they’re all goblins except maybe that one. Oh and one is more of a mandrake but that’s the description Draco was working with so what do you want?

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So let’s talk about each from left to right and maybe even name them. For the sake of your convience please right click the goblin pic andd open it in a new tab. You’ll have to scroll a bit otherwise.

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The leftmost one is one of Draco’s and it’s more of an antithesis really. No one said a goblin couldn’t be a caterpillar headed butterfly man with a tiny hat and bejeweled cane wearing only a loincloth, those clown things, and a golden chest-plate. Also it sorta looked Stand-ish so Draco through in some JoJo’s Onomatopoeias but instead they’re G’s for goblins. Draco names this goblin Drank Electric, for reasons that are convoluted but you could figure it out.Would it be rewarding? No.

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The next one is the one Draco’s mom described. Draco was able to get more than a tweets worth of description out of the conversation. She’s not a big fan of goblins(They’re scary) or seemingly most magical creatures. Hates centaurs for who knows why. She did decide however that they(goblins, not centaurs) mine and when pressed on why they mine if they don’t smith or practice stone masonry, that they trade precious stones to other goblins in a little goblin economy and hey Draco was proud of that reasoning. This is the only goblin with a large nose despite half the pictures on Google depicting them with such. It does seem like they range from big nose to no nose at all in most varying depictions. This goblin only speaks goblin language so we’ll just have to assume they’re named Grush Splagick. Actually wait, Draco’s world has a magic language translation system and Draco does ultimately want to fit these in so that bit isn’t really compatible unless we make that the name or some gibberish. That’s settled then.

Draco did watch a video on goblins and they do describe them similarly so nice job.

The next was described by @SlayerOfTears. They describe a goblin as an irritating, bratty, obnoxious child to the factor of greater-than eleven. Then you turn the child green and give them an unceasing cry. Now that does sound a little bit like a Kender but we also have to distinctly focus on turning them green. Their skin has no carbon footprint. Green and screaming are pretty solidly mandrake but this goblin mandrake fusion is less lethal and more annoying. Deadly would go past irritating. If you kill someone with your cry they aren’t irritated unless their ghost is stupid and stays in the room but that’s unlikely. So we’ll name this goblin Mandragoblin.

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The next goblin coming in by an ear is the goblin described by . They describe goblins as long-eared, green, almost entirely bald, short, and the hole of a stubborn pack animal. Now there are a couple of ways this could have gone, one being the obvious but Draco needed an allusion as opposed to writing it directly so that wasn’t going to happen and the other would have been a large bat with only ears. This option is better though. This goblin is all about Gatekeeping and talking down to people. They even descend from ropes so that they can literally talk down to people. They hate when people misuse literally even though literally has been used to exaggerate for years and it’s even in the dictionary proper so maybe they should get over it but oh you know they won’t because that’s what this goblin’s all about.  Despite not knowing many things this goblin just feels the need to but in and be a butt. @rocky_rtk wanted the cap and this head was so bald there as room for it here. This goblin has short limbs and is short overall. Their ears are longer than they are tall. They’ve probably got a name like Chet or Jorken.

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Goblin 5 was described by @amberkro9 and it’s wonderful. Small, mischievous, and curious all describe cat, you can’t deny that. A crafty cat? Well that’s a steam punk cat right there. Green or ruddy colored, well that’s pretty typical but the rest is pure brass. Or bronze. Whatever they use in steampunk. Also it’s Goblinpunk now. People have apparently used the term before but Draco was not aware of that till the writing of this sentence so according to that rule from the creation of computers(the ROM BIOS specifically) we should be fine. The hair had to be orange so that it could be a ginger goblin cat. That seemed best for some reason. There’s only so much to say, this goblin is a delight. Naming this goblin may be hard as there aren’t many famous cat scientists that Draco can think of. Alence Golinowitz. There we go.

This mouthy goblin was described by @RealLarryD. Lo starts off with diminutive humanoid creature and their typical green grey skin. A smart move which prevents Draco from responding with a cube made of various snakes and scorpions. But then he goes with the words “large mouths” and if we’re going to cling to anything here it’s gotta be that. This goblin doesn’t have a large mouth. It has large mouths. It also has pointed ears which at times look like noses. Draco took pride in how many mouths fit on the head of this diminutive humanoid head but it was a bit cluttered so it’s more of a wrong vegetable head now. Lo also described a mix of cowardice mischief, and cruelty, which is described upon its many mouths. They look like a fun little prankster who lacks a good
conscience for sure. That torch doesn’t spell anything good for Mandragoblin. Chester. Not sure why. 

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The next two are from Draco and they are just what Draco though goblins looked like. They kinda remind Draco of Beastboy. They’re pretty similar and Draco has heard them called “The Twins” so sure they’re related. They’re around 3 ft tall. The clothing isn’t handmade or anything, it’s scavenged. Draco’s world is very rich and with the magic system it’s easier to make 100 shirts than make 1 shirt 100 times so surplus is actually one of the bigger issues. monsters made from magic surplus are so common people don’t really react all that much to them anymore. It’s better these goblins have the stuff. Also to clarify about the 100 shirt thing, they’d probably have to make have to make a shirt by hand at least once and they’d be stuck making only 1 with magic at least until they’d made 100 at least. This is also going to affect the quality of the shirt made. It takes a while to make good shirts and unless you’re a witch you’re not going to have a tone of spells available to you so making shirts may not be a thing everyone’d want to do. Repairing equipment is usually more useful in any given situation. Creating shirts only has so many applications. You could make shirts to sell, a shirt projectile spell like one of those t-shirt canons, stacking the shirts to reach higher elevations or walk over water is an option, a shirt shield of many shirts, heat people up by affixing them with many shirts, a smokescreen but instead it’s an explosion of shirts, or you could launch yourself with shirts and then land in a pile of shirts. You could also do those things but without shirts so, anyway, the point is it’s not that easy to get shirts. Pretty easy, but not super easy. Did Draco name them?

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@Zen_r0b0 described the next goblin. They have the standard pointed ears. Actually not everyone said pointed ears and they don’t all have them but it feels standard. If we were to take all these and make a definitive list that’d be on there. Slender, according to Google is 100% a pale suited horror guy. Draco did not draw Slenderguy here but they’re pretty slender. They could have been shorter but that’d of ruined the face. These pics already get shrunk almost 50% for the internet version so this goblin is taller than the others but short by human standards. The boots don’t help the height here either but you can’t not have boots with those shorts unless your legs are entirely feet or something. Their skin is a greenish grey, another standard, and they travel in groups conveniently. Justifies this whole thing really, not that it need to be but hey it doesn’t hurt either. And finally they’re up to no good and stupid. This goblin is definitely capable of being up to no good. As for stupid well this goblin isn’t that stupid but they certainly didn’t build a cool walker with robotentacles. More of an underachiever goblin with street smarts. They give off a bit of a Morrigan from Dragon Age vibe with the hair and shoulder thing but the outfits closer to Merlin from Seven Deadly Sins. Draco doesn’t really watch that show much as the MC is atrocious. Definitely prefer Morrigan. Morrigan’s not stupid but also not a goblin so shush. Not every comparison has to be 100%. Nann would work as a name for various reasons.

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The final goblin exists because that corner felt empty. Oftentimes goblins are used as  filler mooks, mindless obstacles, or bigger rats, because if you slay a horde of people you feel bad but a horde of goblins, eh. As we learned today goblins can vary between good and bad but they usually lean toward the mischief side. They may be pranksters or genuinely bad but killing a horde of them just because of one or two definitely makes you a jerk. Please only kill goblins when it is absolutely necessary. This goblin is super tiny and cute. Be nice to this goblin. This goblin has a club and isn’t afraid to throw down but would rather not. Give communication a chance.

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This goblin should have an overly serious name like … … … Draco tried making a serious name but all of the people who shared that name were not, well, to be honest, anything but a pile of garbage. Wait, Draco found one. Ben Stevenson. Draco could not find anyone bad named Ben Stevenson. If you know someone bad named Ben Stevenson please inform this goblin so they can change their name if needed.

 

Apparently the question Draco should have asked is what does a hobgoblin look like. Wait, why didn’t Draco just include the tweets instead of describing them? OH well, it gives you Draco’s interpretation of what they said which matters a bit more in the design process anyway.

 

Hitting Multiple Men to Death but Also Other People as Well with Numerous Objects, Projectiles, Poison Substances, Living Creatures, and Such

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Many moons ago, when Draco still used moons as a unit of time, except now Draco just did it again so that kind of invalidates that reference but you get it, Draco played the original Assassin’s Creed.

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It took Draco the entire game to figure out how blocking worked, Altaïr could not swim at all, and some other bits were annoying but there was something really great about it that the others in the series didn’t really have. Each time you had a target, you had to go into the city, learn about all their evil deeds from the people affected,  learn about the targets themselves, and then carrying out a plan. Well at least that’s how Draco remembers it(maybe none of that happened and nostalgia is a thing). The others kinda lost that and now they seem more like rpgs with stealth elements. Luckily there is a new game to scratch that itch. Well it’s an older series, and this new one sorta came out in 2016 but it also came back out now in 2018 so it’s complicated.

 

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Hitman 2 is a wonderful game that also sorta existed in Hitman 2016 but that didn’t sell well and it was completely remade in Hitman 2 but honestly both are great. Obviously if you’re going to get either just get 2 and the legacy pack because then you get all of Hitman 2016 but with the improvements that 2 years and less strange studio fighting can bring. If you think redoing content is a cheap cop-out well it’s not. IO Interactive couldn’t use the old game because now they’re with WB instead of Square Enix. Either way just think of it as Hitman 2016 with that signature MK II look.

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Hitman 2016 and 2 spoilers will probably appear so, you know.

Hitman 2 is a game all about information. It’s also about zany situations and the panic of trying to make a plan come together but it’s mostly about information. It’s a puzzle game where you could technically take a battle-axe or a fish to all the pieces if you wanted to. Draco wouldn’t recommend doing that at first but if that’s fun go for it. Draco personally finds it more fun to be selective with the murdering but there have been times where it all went wrong and it was still fun.  It’s strange to feel disappointed and amused at the same time but the best moments are when a perfect plan goes wrong but you don’t necessarily fail. For example, one mission there was this meeting directly below a penthouse and once the meeting was done they’d all have a toast. Draco knocked out every single person in the penthouse and slipped emetic poison in the target’s glass so they’d coming running into the completely empty embrace of death. Sadly Draco did not remember correctly which glass was their glass. It was an hours worth of work wasted but Draco still managed to get the perfect Silent Assassin rating after that. In another mission there was a military coup planned and once Draco infiltrated their headquarters Draco found a table filled with remote explosive devices. Draco knew he had to use one but the question was how to explode someone quietly. Draco never found that answer but there definitely would not be a military coup in that country possibly ever again. Draco’s score on that one was helped by the fact that they cannot go negative. Draco tried to get a picture by recreating the situation but Draco’s just too good now apparently. Turns out practice makes perfect.

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It’s not about score though, because if you always go for silent assassin you aren’t going to get to do the fun methods. Well many of them you can. Explosions  or large falling objects are the ones you usually can’t because you’ll hit an innocent person by mistake. It’s also fun to go all cosmic justice or cruel irony. One target threw a girl off a building so Draco couldn’t just stab him or something. Another target who worked for a cartel making cocaine, trying to invent super cocaine, ended up in a cocaine machine where he became the super cocaine. Oh and if anyone smokes Draco usually gets to make a joke about how smoking kills before they end up lighting up near a gas leak. One thing Draco just learned is that if a target kills a non-target you lose points but you can also get a target to kill another target sometimes and that’s convenient but guards sadly don’t seem to try anything, while Draco will get shot at for loitering near the wrong person. There probably should be some sort of mall jail-esque system or maybe a “I’m suspicious of you but I have no legal authority to pull out my gun and shoot a bald man in the street for no reason as I’m just a security guard or a body-guard.” but it works if it’s  the maps with Yakuza Bodyguards who also work part-time at an organ harvesting hospital for some reason, Militia Moron Terrorists, Cutthroat Mercenary, Weird Gangster Cultist, Drug Cartel Soldiers, Doomsday Cult Mercenaries, or those weird people from the suburbs who all have silenced pistols for some reason, because they kinda have that as part of their modus operandi. UNLESS you’re wearing a mask at the time. There are plenty of disguises with masks and it really doesn’t make sense that you could be recognized in them.

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Several have full balaclavas. Like seriously how?

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Back to the positive side because this game really is wonderful, Hitman 2 is expansive, accessible, and made with love. There are tons of little details in the very large maps. There are different difficulty levels, Draco hasn’t really tried them but they are there. Subtitles with instructions pop up on everything, using instinct vision let’s you see everything that can be interacted with, and following certain stories in each mission will usually provide an easy kill which is sometimes even cinematic but usually not. Running a barbershop shaving people all day was really fun. Ended up shaving over 30 people because Draco did the challenge wrong the first attempt and ignored the challenge on the first run, making the total around 34.

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There is a holiday mission and you can get a Santa Suit. Well to be honest since it’s time limited and Draco takes forever with these it’s probably “was ” instead of is.  Sadly it’s available for a limited time despite not being so when they originally released it in the 2016 Hitman. You get to keep the Santa suit though if you do all the challenges which are ridiculous but worth it. Here’s a video which is essentially what Draco did but 20 seconds faster so Draco had some extra steps to do.

The more missions there are the better the game is. Playing the same map with the same story can be fine but variety is prevents some of the potential staleness. Having these limited time events is a shame even if it does make everything feel all neat. When they do the Elusive Targets and only give you one chance and two weeks it makes the pressure rise and raises the stakes but after your one try you never get to kill Sean Bean again and all that voice work and all the props that were moved around are essentially being wasted.

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Sure they may bring them back maybe once a year or so but there could be better ways to do it. It’s always free and that’s extremely nice but Draco would be willing to pay a little for that sort of thing. In some idle games they let you items which let you do the even and that kinda sucks since it’s still only temporary but a thing like that could also maybe be done in Hitman but instead of charging for a temporary item maybe after getting silent assassin you get a sort of Super Smash Bros style Challenger Approaching opportunity to do an elusive target. Draco would prefer if it was just say the rewards that were limited or maybe they could do 4 or 6 times a year. It might be a likeness usage limit thing though. A lot of the less stellar decisions stem from lack of money. Like ow they had beautiful cut-scenes and went to still images. It’s sad but it’s to make the actual game better and it’s ultimately the correct decision. That Opening Cinematic though, so good.

 

Oh, interesting idea, two targets but you only get to kill one. That’s actually more wasteful but hey whatever. Maybe for Hitman 3 they could do two entire different versions of the game that are essentially the same but each version has a different set of targets. Hitman Ballistic Blue and Remote Red or something and then have a third definitive edition with still not everything called Ducky Yellow. You sell thrice as many copies that way. You could have a trading feature but we all know you’re going to need them all if you want to get anywhere let’s be real.

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Draco was going to buy this for a dollar but Draco forgot to hit purchase and now it’s ten. Draco’ll wait and get back to you.

Draco isn’t sure why a Pokemon reference was necessary but we sure did let them have it. Draco would say Hitman 2 was definitely Game of the Year material and even more so if you ignore PS4 exclusives because pretty much every reasonable alternative was one. If Draco could buy it again with all the cool preorder bonus stuff Draco would love to but it was on SUUUUUUCH a good sale and it probably still is while the cool stuff is expensive. They seem to be looking for excuses to give the normal base game away, in some cases literally. With how great the game is and their determination to charge you as little as reasonably possible and even give away parts for free it’s pretty hard to say no to Hitman 2. That’s not true. Saying no is as easy as saying pretty much any other one syllable word. Children who’ve barely figured out language yet say it multiple times every day. That wasn’t the point though. Draco meant that part figuratively but you should buy it literally.

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Whistling should be added. Maybe a wide array of bird calls.

 

Blocks Blocks and Let’s Get Eevee Some Coffee

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So WordPress trying so sort of new editor and so far it seems horrendously too convoluted to be better. They even have the little css editor more prominently displayed but if Draco wanted to do that Draco would be using some other website. Even Tumblr would be better than that. Imagine a world where Draco put effort into making Tumblr posts instead of just cross-posting. Anyway they talk a lot about blocks in this new WordPress Update it it seems like they think you’d want to reuse paragraphs. That could help with formatting but why not just use a formatting brush. Maybe it works between posts but why not just let you save a favorite format instead or have more formatting options easily available to begin with? Moving paragraphs might be easier though. Another thing, it’s less cluttered but they aren’t effectively using the space just as they were before. The clutter before was extremely minimal and now that minimalism is even worse. We aren’t here for a notepad doc probably. Draco shouldn’t speak for you; you may have bad taste and want a notepad doc in place of something better and no one can blame you. 

It’s probably fine though. It’ll take time to get used to ooooor Draco can switch back to the old version apparently. By can Draco meant did already. Notepad docs have their uses but this shouldn’t be on of them. Spellcheck no longer seems to work in the old editor…

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Draco also “just” picked up Pokemon Let’s Go Eevee. It’s been made clear that this one is for beginners and that’s fine but it also kinda seems like they took that to mean less overall rather than beginner friendly. It’s fine, not terrible or anything, and sure it’s an improvement sort of on Pokemon Go. There are battles, Pet one of two Pokemon, dress up those Pokemon, and there are some other fun features but they took out improvements from the previous games which seem like they’d be good for beginners and that’s Oddish.

That’s a joke based on the word odd, in case you were struggling to figure it out since Draco was so subtle. Oddish is still in the game, it’s just a version exclusive. In the last games there was this feature where if you battled a Pokemon before the battle screen would tell you if a move would be effective or not in clear easy to read letters. This feature which would certainly help a child or adult who doesn’t want to remember that stuff and yet it doesn’t seem to be present. Another problem is that they took the Poke Mart out of the Pokemon Center. This makes sense since it’s a remake but just because it’s a remake doesn’t mean they can’t make improvements. They could have used the extra buildings for say a clothing shop instead of hiding outfits around like literal Easter eggs or maybe something related to having fun with Pikachu or Eevee like a … Pokefun center? Like a playground but inside a building? Or a cafe! Or put the cafe back in the Pokemon Center too. Having two shops, one that sells items vital for Pokemon, and one that sells food a drink, a thing you’d need to not die if this weren’t a video game, makes complete sense. Removing content does not necessarily make something more accessible to newcomers. A bicycle is, well Draco assumes, easier than a motorcycle to operate. That’s an example of something with less features that is easier to use. Handing a person two wheels would be far simpler than either of those two vehicles and yet Draco once again has to assume it would be more difficult to ride. Removing content can help but it can also do the opposite.  Draco couldn’t find a picture of this two wheels thing even though someone else would have definitely thought of that by now. Draco knows he isn’t the first person to imagine a person holding a bicycle wheel in their hands and standing on another wheel and then they’re either stuck or fall down. Even a picture would do but nothing remotely the same is coming up. Draco found it immediately after typing that.

There are positives though. It’s very cute. Aside from that it’s basically the same. Being essentially the same makes it essentially acceptable and the cuteness elevates it to better than acceptable. Science.  The cute is a factor that goes beyond what you can even imagine. Well that’s a bit of an exaggeration because you’ve probably seen it and can therefore imagine it. They are very cute, ok.

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Draco hurt his back. Not much to say on that. Hopefully it heals. A game that forces motions controls isn’t the best for that to be honest. Draco hasn’t finished it yet because, well, pain, but you know, we have an idea. Maybe something late game will make it a 10/10. Draco doesn’t want to be mean to it because it’s fine. plus cute. 

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We’ve surpassed Draco’s preferred 400 word limit and we haven’t begun the intended topic. By surpassed, Draco means more than doubled. Draco has to lean over to type which is’t great for his back.  Guess that mysterious first topic is out the window. Also Draco took far too long to post this. Draco’s back is nearly better probably hopefully maybe. 

Witchapalooza 3: Witch Repost Extravaganza! With Bonus Witches! Wow!

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Witchtober-2018

Happy Witchtober everyone!

Draco did not end up writing a post every single day for Witchtober. Ultimately not every witch drawn had a multi-paragraph long backstory. Also Draco likes sleeping. It takes a little while to scan each Witch and post them. That’s what Draco did the first year. It takes longer to edit each Witch and post them. Seriously it takes Draco almost 40 minutes to tweet. Usually it’s staring at the words full of doubt and worry. Sometimes Draco catches a there their mistake but usually it’s fruitless. It’s not like here where auto-correct consistently changes words into correctly spelled other words so Draco doesn’t notice them. Mermay takes the longest because those are full color and there isn’t a prompt list. That’s an idea make a prompt list for Mermay. But doing a several thousand word post every day would have made this longer and it probably would have drained a lot of the fun out of it. So Draco will now instead do the repost thing with an equal yet somehow lesser amount of work. It’s more work and it’s in less time so why does it feel like less work? Time is weird.

Hello from future Draco, the map is also referenced quite often so here it is. This one is out of date but the current one is too big to saddle everyone with so keep that in mind.

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Witchtober Begins! and the Emblematic Witch Amari

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Here is the first one. Amari ended up being popular because she had the most content and the most time in the spotlight. This year there ended up being background characters which means next year there can be more cameos for characters we haven’t even met yet. That’s one of Draco’s favorite parts but also a reason the tweets take so long. Gotta double triple quadruple check all those names and even after that there’ll be mistakes. Any time Draco has to check lore it adds to the clock because Draco’s lore bible is a mess and some of it is less useful than others.  The section on living things, funerals, , the calendar, those are fine. societal and faction sections and the timeline could use some work but that’s a problem for Future Draco. Luckily Draco’s gods can usually explain away any problems with their usual temperament.

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This is where the text of the tweet would go if there was one. This witch though is a never before tweeted so this is just to let you know.

This is Swords Witch. A Witch that did not get posted because the prompt was Sword Witch not Swords Witch This was a very last-minute change and it’s probably for the best as Sword Witch was very popular and honestly better designed. Swords Witch is cute though with pretty much everything on her being sword themed. Her sleeves and skirt are all blades and the top is a hilt. The hat is a friendly volcano friend but if you distort it the hat becomes a hilt and guard. Are there other sword terms? Who knows. This Witch would be able to create swords Archer from Unlimited Blade Works style. The sword business is probably pretty good because of how the magic system works. You got a cool sword and then you can do some cool sword related magic probably. The hat that looks like a friendly volcano could replace the need for a forge with the right spell. Knocking their hat off would be the key to defeating them in combat. All of the metal and the sword theme would give them access to spells for increased durability and sharpness so they wouldn’t be defenseless without the hat but they’d lost a lot of range and adaptability plus any heat projectiles or resistance. Not sure why you’re plotting against them when they’re nothing but an agreeable blacksmith but you do you.

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“You fools. No man can kiss this Sword Witch.” *Off in the background a knockoff Éowyn wriggles her eyebrows*
The flail is a bad tote bag because all of these witches need bags and it’s not Sword & Flail Witch just fyi.

This Witch is very much based on the Witch King of Angmar.

The Witch King along with all the Nazgûl, are cool. Draco remembers being younger watching the Lord of the Rings movie and thinking, “gee those orcs are very ugly” and much preferring them despite the Nazgûl being significantly larger threats. The Witch King has this whole thing about being impervious to death by man and that’s how most of the magic fights in Draco’s world would work. People with complicated but oddly specific abilities thinking of ways to apply their specific gimmick to subvert the rules imposed by their adversaries. Very typical anime really.

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Sword Witches outfit has many more layers than the Witch Kings and honestly the Witch King needs more layers. That one robe is a bit dumpy. The helmet is a beauty and it all works but the robe is absolutely the worst part which is funny because the Nazgûl’s whole thing was that they were cool cloak people and that’s the last vestige of that in his upgraded final form design.

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Tiny Witch is much taller than Minuscule Witch. Tiny Witch is much smaller than Small Witch and just a bit smaller than Very Small Witch.

Tiny Witch was going to have objects to reference that she is tiny but it didn’t work out.

Tiny Witch is really just there to delay the creation of Giant Witch who was maybe confirmed to exist last year and who will require multiple buildings drawn with perspective and that’ll just be a bother.

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Draco was looking for a picture that had a giant between some buildings and then Draco remembered this project Draco did for a Photoshop Class Midterm. It really makes you think, right? Why didn’t Draco call it Catipalism?

One poorly thought out part of Tiny Witch is that the much smaller witch who may or may not be Minuscule Witch has regular witch clothes and Tiny Witch has borrower garb. Draco almost had an explanation but then remembered that fairies are much larger than Tiny Witch so it’s not like clothes were just available at this size. Tiny Witch must be one of those people who feel the need to make their own soap. Wait it still doesn’t make sense. That needle would have to be smaller than a regular needle. The leaves too are too small. Are they very new leaves? OR is this stuff all custom-made? That’s the thing about some of these witches is that they pick a theme and they stick with it and sure it gives them power but it’s definitely not efficient. Wait Draco knows. They weren’t this tiny originally, they made the costume so that they could become tiny, and now they are. What benefit does that provide though? Oh well everyone can have their thing. There is the Ant Man angle but if you’re presented with the options of Ant Man and Fire Hands what sane person is going to pick Ant Man. Some people probably sure but you get the idea.

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Executive Management Witch isn’t happy. No amount of power has ever felt like anything other than some sort of cosmic punishment to them. Is there air above the water or will they sink more?
At this point there aren’t many promotions left.

This Witch has been with us since the very first Witchtober and they’ve gone from sad to sadder. Draco had to pull in this happy person for contrast. The question is how long this can continue. They clearly aren’t happy but they are well off enough to buy novelty mugs so that’s worth happiness, right? Plus what else would they do anyway? On top of that in their numb unfeeling state they get access to cool magic that can make them numb and unfeeling. That’s useful. in The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini The army of the bad dude had some guys who couldn’t feel pain and when the good pals found out they were like waaaah that’s such a strong ability wow these are some tough hombres.

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Blind Witch’s father punched a guy once and then was killed by criminals. Now Blind Witch fights criminals in the city because Blind Witch really loves the city.
They have a dog which is also maybe a cat too? Best of both worlds really.

The inspiration for this one was Daredevil but only to a point. First of all Daredevil doesn’t have any good poses from what Draco can tell. It’s just fighty pose, standing on a corner pose and the main one over the shoulder. The little batons looked lame despite being wand like so Draco went with a broom and a magic punching fist. Draco got the idea for that blindfold while searching for pictures of blindfolds not that anyone would have ever guessed that. The armor is armor but it’s different armor. They’ve got that demonic linage thing going on through their hat but they definitely aren’t that copy-written term for that sort of person. They are instead a term Draco just came up with. A Dihparion. That’s a term no one has used before according to Google. Demonically Inclined Human Person with arion tacked on as a suffix. Apparently Arion is a talking horse god but they aren’t related. That’s gotta be public domain though so write all you ant about Arion the talking horse god.

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The dog cat creature is because Draco couldn’t decide until the very end and his decision was both. It’s a good cat dog. It’s important in fantasy worlds to have some unique animals. Don’t reinvent the wheel mind you but a cat dog never hurt anyone unless you mean literally in which case they may have who really knows.

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Bridge Witch can bridge the gap between two points but can she bridge between two hearts?
Yes, she can.
Only if her head is 3 ft or less from the bridge being built. Her feet and one hand must also touch the bridge.

Another heroic  witch. In maybe September Draco had the idea to do a Magic Crime theme for this Witchtober but that clearly did not stick or ever really start.  This witch is like a far clunkier Spider-Man. The bridge wings were an idea that came from poorly thought out crisscrossing bridges that ended up looking like wings. It works because wings lets this witch leap off partially constructed bridge and start a new one in midair. That might not be great for construction but for crime fighting it’s pretty good. And since the bridges are all stone the wings would make pretty good defense. Offense wise she probably just builds moment and until she can hit them hard enough. It’s probably hard to hit with a bridge as it’s linear and while it may be sort fast it’s not that fast. You all seen The Incredibles? she can go less than Frozone miles per hour. Maybe smaller weaker bridges could be made but they’d be admittedly fast but worse than say a javelin or something and they sell javelins at the javelin store it’s super convenient. She could interrupt a bridge as it’s being created to drop stone on someone’s head but intentionally collapsing a bridge goes against the bridge builders oath probably. Maybe that’s something that happens all the time in the bridge building community but only a real bridge builder would know so sound off in the comments bridge builders we are all very curious.

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This Pop Witch is more specifically a Pop Star Pirate Captain Gentlewoman Thief Witch and lead singer of Malnutrition. They travel from coast to coast in their stolen airship performing concert heists day and night.

Malnutrition as a band was introduced during last years Witchtober in an ad. The pirate part was added during NaNoWriMo. The airship was added maybe after that and that’s a story that can be explained trust Draco when he tells you that. So Draco was looking at the technology level, continuously amusing himself with the fact that no one can figure out that concept of sails and therefore boats aren’t really a thing in most areas. The except would be Ourand land of the Elves and they have team ships which don’t use sails and they were given that tech by one of the gods in exchange for something probably pretty stupid. Draco could look it up but nah. Oh and MARKI and country that was added more recently figured out rowing but they haven’t been able to do much as the sea was made more dangerous around their island in order to deter them from sharing. Back on the point, Cohavan magic scientists were thinking, “eh let’s do some science and engineering” then they were like “what if we make something like the boats our neighbors have but instead of being in the water it could be on land”. Cohaven Scientists are not the best and so they made essentially boxes which are kinda on land for a point and then they aren’t and then after that they usually crash very hard back onto the land. Regardless they had the better idea to make a flying ship which doesn’t crash. It took a lot of time and a lot of metal. They switched to wood after wasting a lot of metal. It took year but eventually they were able to make one working airship. There was going to be airships everywhere. Sure there were already trains everywhere and brooms could fly already but an airship lets you bring multiple people and stuff. They’d finished their working airship and went off to get the witch who could make a blueprint and replicate the vessel when our Pop Witch saw it and then, you know, took it. They really have true pirate eyes. You’d think having the only airship would make them easier to catch but it is a pretty defensible and there isn’t really a police force in the real world sense. There are people who fill that role and there are people who literally have police uniforms on but they are generally part of the military or the guards.The military of a nation isn’t going guard much in the cities unless it’s a major crisis and the guards aren’t going to risk sending more than a few people after something because of the way city defense works. Basically city walls themselves become a lich and each guard is kinda like a phylactery. You can’t knock the walls down without first knocking the guards out. If all the guards just ran after one suspect airship they might be led into an ambush and then the entire city might fall. Vigilantes and Mercenaries would be the ones would engage they’re either the type that’d be into this band or too weak or maybe unpaid to risk fighting this very powerful crew. The thing about this Pop Witch is that she is incredibly confidant and that confidence would make her spells powerful enough to best most of the witches on this list in most situations. Executive Management Witch and Amari would have better odds but then there is the rest of the crew and Amari can’t beat anyone one-on-one so you’d have to figure out who she’d be with.

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The figurehead is an otter but it ended up looking like a weird man with a pompadour cannon.

 

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Star Witch. It goes without saying.
Star Witch. Work Star-er, not harder.
Star Witch. Supernova Sonnet Surprise.
Star Witch. If The Stars are Aligned, it Might be a Mirror Room.
Star Witch. Startling Star-field Century.
Star Witch. A New Hoop.

Star Witch is another musical performer but their band is made up of those Star people whom they made. The one missing a triangle was the first attempt and Draco likes their enthusiasm. The other star was second and cute how they’re acting too-cool-for-school. Everyone needs a persona.

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The constellation on Star Witch’s face is the one you’re most likely to know. Draco is particularly fond of a different constellation which you might be able to figure out by typing in “Draco” and “constellation” into a search engine of your choice.

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Perhaps this is Illusory Witch.

Draco love illusion as a school of magic. Draco enjoyed Bleach and if you haven’t read all of Bleach well don’t worry no one uses illusions ever now go read it. It is sadly hard to draw illusions in their most common magical sense. Illusion magic typically creates a false foe or conceals a hidden truth but drawing that is sort of impossible without words. Like you draw a big scary dragon but how is anyone to know it isn’t real? Drawing is sort of an illusion in and of itself.  So Draco went with that classic Rabbit Duck illusion. Is it a Rabbit? Is it a Duck?

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Along with that we have a line which implies floating. Is this witch floating or is it a line? Draco also left in some sketch lines to give the illusion of a slight transparency on the long skirt. On the topic of sketches and not to blow up their spot but their torso is actually less concave. That’s an illusion.

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Slasher Witch will slash those prices and pass the savings on to you.

Technically these are Slasher Witches. The first pose wasn’t dynamic enough and the second needed a third to balance it. They must have some serious upper and lower body strength. These three work at the same place as Executive Management Witch but they have an outlet which is slashing things. Masks are cool. The first mask is probably the best mask. The knife was supposed to be spinning but we had to settle for a gentle swinging.

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To find Amnesiac Witch we must first ask a question. What’s in the box?

In a Twitter Poll Draco asked what was in the box. 50% of voters thought the box would contain a Witch with Answers. The other 50 thought the box would contain a raccoon. No one thought the box would contain Amnesiac Witch or Groceries.

 

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It’s time to open the box! Let’s see, it’s a …

… Raccoon!
Wait a minute!
It’s The Third Strongest Raccoon! Or maybe just a raccoon with the number three on it. Where is Amnesiac Witch oh wise raccoon?

Third Strongest Raccoon is barely an Earthbound reference and any more explanation than that is undeserved.

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They were behind the box? Thanks for your help and the tickets to the next Raccoon Tournament.
So this is Amnesiac Witch.
AW:”I have amnesia?”
Don’t you?
AW:”Don’t remember really.”
Remember any other titles you go by?
Aw:”No.”
Close enough!

This Amnesiac Witch was used to play with the classic Girl in a Box Trope. Amnesia is a typical drawback of a protagonist in this sort of story but a protagonist can look like anything and Draco wanted to do a raccoon in a box for a while now. Often times the Girl in a Box has amnesia anyway. Draco likes to imagine people do travel in boxes on occasion. It’s a magic box that lets you sleep through your trip and it takes care of you. Draco realizes now that this could be used for ills like abduction and human trafficking very easily but with magic there are probably even easier ways to do that like teleportation. Plus people who work at Human-Sized Box Shipping Service LLC check the boxes so you’d need a secret compartment and at that ‘s going to take up room and you aren’t going to be able to fit much so really it’s not efficient for that sort of crime. Plus any crime that is particularly abhorrent will likely draw divine ire and that’s not a valuable prospect so that’s an industry that wouldn’t really take off. Like crime happens but particularly awful acts will be met with smiting.

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As for  Amnesiac Witch, she probably can’t remember how to use magic so there isn’t anything to say there. Magic is based off knowing who you are and an amnesiac wouldn’t. The maze on her bodysuit may or may not have a solution but you’ll never know. Ok you’ll know, it doesn’t. It was an afterthought. In the lore though it definitely does.

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“Hey fam, it’s ya witch, stream witch, arriving at you live from this actual stream. We’ve got a jabroni straight ahead and we’re gonna go brutally murder them for our collective entertainments. No fish dinner for us tonight, let’s go!”

 

Stream Witch is another returning character. Surprisingly Stream Witch is perhaps the first returning character to improve performance-wise. in their first appearance they had ads all over the screen but here they’ve neatly tidied them to one side. They’ve included a little chat bar on the side to make the community feel more included. Draco believes in Stream Witch.

Stream Witch did want to say thank you for the nice replies and the bits from our friends at Twitter. Stream Witch would have replied but sadly Stream Witch is a fictional character who can only communicate through Draco and Draco couldn’t think of anything Stream Witch enough to say. Sorry.

Draco did wonder for a while what sort of sports were played in this world and this battle-royale blood sport seems fine in a world where resurrection is both convenient and affordable. With Croffski’s Res Rocks you don’t need a spell, scroll, potion, or feather of a phoenix. Res Rock offer a life restoring solution for all of your adventuring needs. No bigger then a marble with all of the power you’d expect from those other items. Res Rocks while only small rocks in appearance are not only able to resurrect you where you rest, they can also move you to any location within a stone-skip away. Now you can escape that acid pit or spike trap with ease. Croffki’s Res Rocks are available in most major retailers wherever adventuring supplies are sold.

 

This is also probably the first opportunity we’ve had to talk about it but the Witches of Cohavy , their elven neighbors in Ourand, The undead nation of Paxaac in the north, and the Sildurenth Empire also to the north, they all just kinda hate the taste of fish. Some people probably like it because everyone’s different but it’s kinda like how kids hate broccoli and brussels sprouts but this is more justified. After The Tragedy of Inebriated Seas, most of the fish that taste not awful died. Lake fish weren’t really affected but there is an abundance of bad tasting ocean fish. There are many who will still claim to like these fish in a strange attempt to prove something but for the most part everyone will at least be aware that they are considered icky. On top of that the largest lake in Cohavy is essentially 50% war zone. More on that later.

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The Parfait Witches of Morgana Parfait make and sell parfaits. They are also enemies with Team Gwenebeer. That’s about it.

The reference definitely isn’t clear here. See, it’s a reference to parfaits, the frozen dessert.

Arthurian Legend? Morgana La fey? Wow what a coincidence. Thanks for pointing that out. La fey does sound like parfait you are correct.

This shop sells only parfaits. Don’t tell Draco it isn’t viable. Parfait Stands exist. Morgana Parfait is the owner and the other person is probably Elaine her sister. The cat is Meowgause.

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They are a Brick Witch.
None of the other lyrics seem very good or fitting here.
But the Brick Witch is solid geometric sensation.
Strong and independent with a good foundation.
Brick every day.
Brick redefine.
Brick Better.
Brick-Brick forever.

Draco was too lazy to do a brick background. There is supposed to be a trick to give the illusion of brick which Draco tries later but it doesn’t really work.

Brick house doesn’t have very good lyrics. The memorable one is good but the rest is a strong no.

There are definitely people in this world who are made  constructed of non-organic materials. For example, Android Witch, but not Android Witch. There are Golems too. Usually they can’t use magic unless they are specially designed but if you’re going to make a brick person they’re probably specially designed.

their catchphrase is Brick-Brick! What a shocking catchphrase. Subtlety isn’t always rewarded in this magical world where people wear entire fruit outfits or flower costumes.

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One day this young witch figured it would be a good idea to create a magical bag that’d let her be prepared for anything. It’s been a few years since her feet have touched the ground. Over-prepared Witch is stuck to her Over-prepared bag.

This Witch is one of the attendants of the Magic Emergency Education School. Magic for most people below a certain age is dangerous and can lead to serious injury to themselves and others. This bag doesn’t harm Over-prepared Witch but it won’t let her go and it will harm anyone who tries to get her out of it. The bag has even stored magic energy making it resistant to any techniques that would disable magic.

The Magic Emergency Education School isn’t your typical Hogwarts but it’s also despite what it may seem like not a prison. It’s just a strict rehabilitation center which one cannot leave. There aren’t even any bars. Bars are a vulnerability like very thin windows. Don’t even worry about it. The students staging a rebellion and seizing the school definitely isn’t a plot point.

Bags are very important for essentially everyone. Everyone has stuff and only so many hands to carry their stuff with. Magic bags like bags of holding would be very useful if anyone could get something like that to work. Whoever invents a bag of holding in this world would ultimately need one to hold all the money they’d make but attempts so far have led to usually a hungry bag monster. Bag manufacturers don’t really try it anymore as they only have so many people to lose inside bags. Once they die they can usually get them out with an expensive top of the line life restoring solution but the entire idea is a money pit.

Draco just figured out how they could do it. Too bad that doesn’t help any of them figure it out.

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This Witch has neither too many or too few chickens. This is a Witch with a Reasonable Number of Chickens. It’s a delicate balance that probably brings true enlightenment or something like that.

Chickens are supposedly very good pets. Chickens, like most animals, are probably capable of feeling loneliness. Having too few chickens would be bad. There is however a limit to how many chickens you should have. Too many chickens could be a death sentence. Say you’re traveling and you’ve prepared 30 months worth of jerky. You’re like “This should last me through my two-week trip.” and you would be right until you accidentally decide to adopt 300 chickens. Note: This is one of the only ways Rimworld has been able to challenge Draco.

In Cohavy farm animals aren’t you know, disassembled.Because it’s magic they can get meat without injuring the animals. This is also done to humans for the vampires and such. Chicken Witch doesn’t do any of this, these are just pets. Chicken Witch just sells the eggs as eggs are useful components in spells and potions due to their shape, durability, and nature.

 

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Plotting Witch is really plotting right now. Plotting shines a light on the unknown and illuminates the path ahead. What is Plotting Witch plotting about you ask?
Chairs.
Plotting Witch loves chairs. A real chair connoisseur.

This brings back the point we were making with Illusory Witch. One pair of legs is fake and while you would assume it’s the bottom legs it could just as easily be the top legs. Plotting Witch could be standing upright with two fake legs on a belt chair thing. Either set of legs could be fake or maybe even one of each, once again we do not know.

 

Chairs that involve hands are common for some reason. Always remember that if you think your work isn’t good enough, a person once thought “hey, hand chair”, told a manufacturer about it, the manufacturer also thought it was a good idea, they made it, they put it up for sale, and someone bought it. Draco checked and there is a two-handed chair at urban outfitters selling for $199.99. You can do anything, just trust that someone out there has already successfully done worse. At least this chair has something else going on.

Slide View: 1: Open Hands Stool

Draco did use Photoshop to fill in a bunch of the black and invert some bits. The rest is ink though and if it were printed it would all be ink.

Draco couldn’t really remember what a protractor looked like or that it’s a compass not a protractor and didn’t look it up till after. Also Draco could neither find a public domain gif or a gif on a site Draco would feel comfortable crediting so if you don’t know what those things are please use your imagination before looking it up.

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One of these two is definitely Twin Witch.
One of these two was a barber but was fired for giving everyone the same haircut.
One of these two tells lies sometimes. The other tells the truth on occasion.

These two are Twin Witches. Twitches. Not a reference to the series of nooks or the series of movies. Draco was going to do a horror witch who just shows up one day and slowly starts imitating people to the point that it’s assumed they’re the twin before they get rid of the original but then Draco was like eh what if we just draw two people with the same face? Eh? Eh.

Draco has kinda talked about this point but not really addressed it but depending on circumstances two spells that are essentially meant for the same thing could be different depending on who casts it. One of these twins was a barber but because their justification for the spell was that they themselves had hair and they had cut it in the past the spell which should have cut it how the customer wanted their hair cut it the way the Twin Witch wanted their own hair. So now these two Twin Witches work together instead and they are all the stronger for it. They don’t really have a healer to compliment their tank dps duo but that’s surprisingly common in this world so they’re probably fine. Healers typically head to five-man-bands, squads-of-seven, and ten-person-troupes.

 

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Every Witch was at some point a Fledgling, well unless they explode, create a time paradox , or something else like that. These Fledgling Witches are certainly excited to learn and while some may have a head start they’ll all get there eventually.

These Witches are now old enough to safely learn magic and by golly they are going to learn it. These magic classes are pretty free-form. seats are arranged in circles and while there is a teacher lecturing in the center there isn’t any note taking or tests aside from the test which is “can you do magic”.  It’s a learn until you know enough to do magic sort of deal. People rarely fail and the classes are really more of a sounding board and a way to double-check your great magic ideas. Say someone comes in and they say they’re going to have magic flaming fists of justice. They’re excited to try this in a classroom setting but then someone points out that they never said anything about making their fists fireproof. That little idiot was just about to burn their hands off. Maybe now they want to turn their fists into literal fire so they don’t have to fireproof them. Did they specify anything that would keep them as fists or would it just be a fire with no fuel unless it catches a sleeve and now we’re back to needing a fire proofing solution. It’d be easier to just make flaming oven-mitts as those give you a justification for a heat resistance spell and you don’t have to worry about your hands dissipating into vaporized air.

The Witch who is really trying their best makes a triumphant return in this one. Her wanton transformations and explosions were worrying but now she excels. Overcoming adversity allows her to exceed the limits set by her damaged body so yay that’s better than exploding. If Draco was some sort of scout set to recruit powerful up-and-coming witches Draco’d recruit her. There should be a game like that. Draco’d pre-order that two years in advance. Anyway, Draco mentioned before that confidence was a factor but being told “hey 8 in 10 people who were in your position died and 6 of those took their neighbors with them” is also going to give a boost and when you combine that with a definitive show of persistence you’ll get a very strong witch. Also she had a pet chicken but not enough chickens to be in the running for the reasonable number of chickens title. They could still hang out though.

The cat that may look a little like a ferret is also a Fledgling Witch. They can do cat magic.

Middle Fledgling Witch has some fluffy hair. probably from a wealthy family. That can be a boost if you have money equals power or your playing as the Keeper but Draco doesn’t actually know much of anything about the Binding of Isaac; Draco just puts on Northernlion videos as background noise. Wealth doesn’t particularly matter as everything is pretty cheap with all the magic. The financial system is basically propped up by the gods who instead of letting them develop an economy naturally they just came down and said something like “Hey idiots you figured out talking yet? Cool here’s money figure that out too”.

The Small Fledgling Witch will hopefully have an easier time than Tiny Witch.

Upside Down Witch doesn’t really seem like a fledgling. They seem to have everything figured out such as which direction they want to live their life in. Maybe the door doesn’t accommodate Upside Down people leaving. Spooky.

The leftmost Fledgling definitely plays that game that Stream Witch plays. Some people probably prefer trial by fire learning to sitting in a circle and discussing. Attendance is mandatory at least until they say you can leave.

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The story of War-torn Witch is basically an average sitcom plot. Some friends decide to move in together, they get a nice lakeside cabin, turns out the lake borders a hostile power bent on conquest, now they vigilantly guard the area.

 

War-torn Witch and friends decided to make their home near what would later be called Two Witch Crossing. CynarqolastalidaBgork wanted to own the lake as it’s water and it’s not cursed like much of their water. They’d also like a lot of not cursed things if we’re honest. In order to get the water they’d need to cut off train access to the area and to do that they’d need to go over the lake. Sadly for them War-torn Witch and friends continue to sink their very poorly constructed rafts because once again they have no boats. They have a big army, just no boats. The lake is now filled with many bodies which spawn undead armies of their own. It’s not a great lake but the land was a steal and it’s got a great view of the mountains. At this point more than the few witches who guarded the land live here( they guards in shifts of two which is why it’s called Two Witch Crossing instead of the accurate number) and invasions from CynarqolastalidaBgork mostly consist of golems and summons who won’t add to the monster problem( it’s mostly because the loss of life without the ability to dredge up the bodies and resurrect them isn’t really tenable).

The things on the side are magical turrets which make up the bulk of Cohavy’s automated defenses. The skulls were extracted harmlessly via magic and the previous owners are living fine lives with their new skulls probably.

The cabin in the background is the same background as the one in the prompt.

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Young Witch was always young. She was a youngest sibling and born late so her peers were always older. She was happy but then time happened. Wishing for that feeling to return she cast a spell to make herself the youngest around. Kinda bad idea…

Young Witch is another witch held in the MEES. Really, if she were around say a baby she’d be doomed. She starts getting older and a child walks by and she’s back at square 1. Magic is dangerous for the young and because she’s technically an adult she should be fine but also because she’s a child she isn’t. Ideally someone would be able to undue the spell but if they did something wrong maybe everyone would be made young as well or she’d go into some time-loop state. Ideally someone would be able to make her older to reduce the risk but how would anyone justify a spell to make other people older? Maybe someone could be so fun they make time fly but that would make a spell that would probably drive time forward fairly fast and for an experiment that might accidentally kill everyone you want more control.

Hey, at least Young Witch is immortal essentially.

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This Shadow Witch is Alberk, a Captain of the Cassidy family. Being very lazy, Alberk can make a wave of time stopping shadow. It only applies to what is actually touching so shoes or feet, plus Alberk must stand on one foot and not look at it.

Alberk as a side character is nice because he mainly just stands silently until someone yells at him. His ability to freeze time on shadows is super strong unless you realize you can just take your shoes off or fly. Oh and arms can still move so it really banks on a person being stunned by the initial inability to move oooor if they fall out of their shoes and tip over. Knees are harder to remove than shoes. Also any enemy with a sort of taunt spell which refocuses his attention would counter the effect.

Alberk is only a Captain because of his childhood friend status with the head of the Cassidy family. He doesn’t really have much drive or ambition and his ability stems from his desire to ignore problems.

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This is a Witch with a Single Stick. She had two sticks at one point and some would argue she still does but that’s not really how severed arms work. her other interests include wood working, abstract art, camping, and boot wearing.
Fun Fact: The two little sculpture things are there because the last windows update turned off a few settings which messed everything up and Draco made those while trying to fix it.

This is a pretty standard Witch with a Single Stick. Someday we’ll have someone with a stick and a hand attached to it and you’ll be like “Oh! the other stick!” which will be great. They originally had a crossbow arm but that took away from the stick so it was moved to the stick. The stick has a boot because Draco’s Mom said the boots were too eye-catching. They are eye-catching. It’s a very weighted composition. Maybe the future second stick will balance it.

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“Fear Not! I am GuilloTina. I know you were totes expecting Sinful Witch but trust in the Divine Judgement of the Ministry of Death. She was just an icky garbage person LITERALLY. Guess you can have a pre-bag snap. Now toodles!”

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Draco really wanted to make Sinful Witch sinful. A person so steeped in sin that nothing else could describe them. It worked, Sinful Witch was awful. Draco absolutely hated her. Luckily this world is designed so that if someone is too awful an angel will come down and smite them. This gave Draco an excuse to draw GuilloTina, a character idea Draco had a few months ago. GuilloTina is one angel of a set which make up the god Death who is actually just a bunch of angels in a trench-coat. Each of them if based on ways to die.

The cool looking Witch was supposed to be the one to defeat Sinful Witch before Draco hated them so much her had to make an angel to behead them. This Witch is the type of Witch that Sinful Witch would think of as Sinful and Draco liked presenting them as a righteous young adult hero who would overcome the entrenched evil but Draco got excited for the angel delivering divine justice. She seems to be taking in the little demon skeletons which is a nice step toward building a better community. They don’t need to be punished for the sins of their evil master.

The fire thing was there to consume her body to prevent any sort of possum playing or delayed resurrection.

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Music is her magic! Bard Witch is the best of both worlds though some might think it tragic. There’s claims that Bards with just their silly songs can’t really save the day, but underestimate this Witch you better learn to sashay away.

This Witch is another returning witch from year 1, Music Witch. There were 3 of them because Draco couldn’t decide. Bards are good. Not the best alone but not the worst either. This Bard Witch needs a Friend Witch. Maybe they’ll get one next year. A solo career is a lonely career.

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Lonely Witch is all alone. She has a home but will not go. She won’t return till she’s fully prepared to face her foe. She waits, with her thoughts, as she stands atop rocks. Everything’ll work out. Lonely Witch is among friends.

This Witch doesn’t look familiar at all. Their identity is definitely a mystery.

The mountain in the back is Mt. Egg named for the person who pointed it out, Egelcarmion-Canogur. Just kidding, it’s called that because it’s shaped like an egg. Or maybe it is an egg oooooh spooky egg. Mt. Egg is a nice meeting place as the Goddess who transformed several of the first humans into witches lives pretty nearby and she collects body-parts. Fighting nearby is something that could draw her ire or even delight which may be even worse. Thinking on her actions in the timeline she tends to accidentally hurt more often than she successfully helps. The Tragedy of Inebriated Seas was her fault and she really thought it’d be a good idea and not destroy sea-life.

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*In a dark and desolate remote location*
“They thought they could be rid of me did they? Wanted to rob the world of Sin, eh? Well once I’ve reconstructed they’ll all know Sinful Witch. mwahaha-“
*a door creaks open loudly after being kicked*

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“Gwaaa!” Sinful Witch Gwaaa’d as the room filled with light.
“Prepare to face the light! B Lin Light! One of two Vigilante Witches who all villains fear! The other’s my bro, he’s great too but for now you face me! One on One. E mono mono!”

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“You’re too much you flashy. Just a dumb child kicking in a door and throwing tantrums. An Ugly Worthless Peasant who needs to tone it down in-front of her betters. Once I’ve finished regenerating I’ll be sure to have you and this brother of yours for dinner. I’d wager you taste of flaky sow. Now unto– “
*Sinful Witches head once again roles onto the floor*

Draco subverted even his own expectations by bringing back Sinful Witch to fight Vigilante Witch. Draco expected B Lin because Draco loves to include B Lin as Draco does feel she’s one of his better character concepts. Funnily enough Draco realized while writing Shadow Witch’s section that B Lin is like his perfect counter as an attention grabbing shadow dispelling ball of energy. In case you’re not in the know or if Draco only posted B Lin on Twitter and forgot or something, B Lin’s Mother was in an accident while pregnant and while it seemed everything was fine, upon their birth the, whatever you call the baby grabbing person, was blinded by twins with extremely bright glowing skin. Imagine shining a flashlight in your eye and that is what B Lin is supposed to look like. B Lin and her brother S Ingram are very supportive of one another despite not seeing each other much on their separate adventures. They both basically just wander around dishing out justice. Their abilities aren’t spectacular but their natural light gives them an edge against enemies with eyes. They both are Cohaven despite having a CynarqolastalidaBgork names but if anything they are true heirs to the Sildurenth Empire which once encompassed both countries. The people of the Sildurenth Empire each tended to believe that they were the “chosen one” and in a way they were. they would often feel the pull to go on quests, but more specifically their personal quest, and be big gosh darn heroes. B Lin and S Ingram both strongly believe they are the hero and while they love each-other their rivalry draws them apart. It’s for the best because two glowing people wouldn’t add anything to the party. B Lin can conjure typical things like magic swords, shields, horses, beams of holy light, she can heal herself and those around her( must be both herself and others, can’t be done separately), compel the truth, light up a room, and jump pretty far as long as her arms flail out behind her. A person who can fight well alone or with others.

Sinful Witch built itself on the lives of bodies they corrupted. Maybe if they hadn’t held their head high and mighty while being so disgusting they’d maybe learn a lesson. If they had been perhaps less prideful, maybe shown less avarice, maybe they’d be ahead of where they are today.

GuilloTina is a kill-stealer. Draco prefers this action pose and it fixes her hair.

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Some would say that true perfection is an unobtainable goal. Some would say you’re perfect just the way you are. This “Perfect” Witch thinks they are perfectly whole. They think once you’ve transformed enough you’ve sorta earned it.

The ultimate life form in Draco’s experience is usually either humanoid with some extra traits that make them a monster human hybrid or it’s a human with less extra traits but they usually glow and have little to no clothes. Like if you’re a being with an oppressive aura that disintegrates anything within 10 feet of you and a galaxy brain in the literal sense no one is going to arrest you for public indecency because you can just erase their family from the timeline thereby erasing their existence. This is the former though. Draco is too bashful to draw the later and especially too bashful to post it anywhere.

This Witch has many limbs and has an interesting geometry but Draco wouldn’t really call them any more perfect than any other.  The Witch Hat is supposed to slightly resemble Perfect Cell but Cell wasn’t perfect either. Another overly arrogant witch but at least this one isn’t a monster.

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Others would say that true perfection is… Mirror Witch?
Wait no. The Perfect Witch is YOU!
But what if you aren’t a witch?
Is YOU a character or are they a placeholder?
The concept here isn’t perfect but the sentiment is probably appreciable.

Mirrors are kinda creepy sometimes. They reflect stuff. Technically most or maybe even everything reflects or absorbs because that’s how colors work. We should be glad mirrors don’t absorb.

Perfection in a perfect sense is unobtainable and sorta boring so we have to settle for the perfection that we each hold in our hearts.

 

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Word Witch is too strong. They tried to silence her but her resolute unbending nature has allowed her to circumvent and overcome all attempts. With the power of her miraculous summon, a strange humanoid writing creature, she can define her world!

 Word Witch can bend the very nature of reality with her every utterance. With in reason obviously, she couldn’t wipe  magic from existence with magic. The effect is also not global thankfully.Regardless she was considered too powerful so her mouth was silenced. She learned sign-language. Her hands were bound. Word Witch was far stronger than any could have ever imagined. Through sheer force of will she created a being of ink who could write for her and defend her voice from future attempts. She looks down on the fearful and weak-willed cowards with disgust before dismissing them and writing a better future.

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Just one of a few witches,
no family of two witches,
Which witch is this?
Interchangeable Witch.
Sometimes what seems the most replaceable is actually the most irreplaceable of all.
Just hold on to what you can and forgive yourself.
You matter.

Interchangeable Witch is another Witch who can make doubles. They escaped to who knows where and are now doing who knows what. We’ve had those before. We also can’t be certain the one wearing a number 1 is the original. Go Watch Orphan Black already. Everybody always thinks they’re the original but the reality is that being the original is very little compared to being you. Well really the themes of Orphan Black were more about “found families” and “my body my choice” but being unconcerned about being the original is touched sometimes. Mostly with Helena. Probably because she was the only one who was told that they were the original. Actually, were they? Draco can’t remember. Helena has a theme song though and it isn’t shared which makes her cool. WATCH ORPHAN BLACK!

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Air-horn Witch was arrested for air-horn related crimes.
Air-horn Witch really could have been Roller Witch as well but actually the wheels contain air-horns that sound while they roll be it a bit muffled.

 

Uniforms don’t really work for these witches. Suppressing the individuality suppresses the magic. It doesn’t do well to make your people weaker unless that is the goal but then they can tear up the uniform and boom instant rebel outfit that shall become the wings of freedom that breaketh they chains of captivity. With the birth of the Air-horn Persona, Air-horn Witch has obtained the winds of roller-blades that shall lead to freedom and new power.

Draco wrote an entire review of Persona 5 and never posted it.

These guards offered a good time to think about anti-magic, which would be necessary to hold anyone of sufficent ability anywhere. The silly friend in the full face-mask helmet decided to seize their 15 minutes of fame instead. These guards have huge ankles and or pants that really flare and shoes that are too big.

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The appearance of the magician suggests that now is not the time to hold back. Draco was going to make a tarot card set but then got a bit bored.

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This witch throws bombs but what happens when they explode is left to chance. It’s like rolling a die that can explode. They might have been an attempt at Wheel of Fortune but at this point Draco can only guess.

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This Mushroom Witch was just an idea.  Not ink. If Plant People are a thing Mushroom People can be a thing.

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Here we have the very first Witchtober witch Winter Witch with a new fiery Summer Witch friend. Those shoes are very Crotor and so is this Summer Witch. These two probably have a traveling show and they’re looking for their spring and fall.

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These are some guards. Several are investigators. One is Plaid Witch if anyone was waiting for that. This partner is a Sacharoo, essentially a candy person. The Sacharoo are not restricted by age when it comes to learning magic and they learn faster than average but ultimately they cannot master as many spells as a regular witch unless they consume a specific plant which has rather nasty side effects. It’s not worth it if you look at the cost benefit. That’s much more suited for something that can’t use magic at all.

 

Witchtober Begins! and the Emblematic Witch Amari

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It’s Witchtober!!!!!!! bwwr bwwr bwwr says the air-horn witch. This year we’re going to try posting some of these from WordPress in order to get more engagement from various platforms and also character limits exist sometimes. If it’s not working out we’ll stop and go back to the old way but as for now we’ll try this. Prepare for Autocorrect though. The followup autocorrect joke comes before the first so that’ll be interesting.

Here is the list.

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Today we have Emblematic Witch.

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The question really was, what is emblematic of all these witches? Over the years we’ve seen plenty of different witches with very different adjectives. Many of them have bags and there are quite a few crime lords but it would be difficult to represent all of them especially since many of them are contradictory in nature. The best chance would have to be Amari Comela, head of the Witchery Guild. She is sort of an emblem or in a less forced way of speaking a symbol to represent an ideal and preside over magical matters. Amari may not have any particularly flashy abilities but she is a very good utility witch.

Amari is always out to help wherever possible which is of course nice but it does hinder her a bit as her spells generally do not affect her. For example she can fly but only while others are flying with her. If she wanted to make food with magic she’d need to make a group serving. If she were sick and wanted to cure it she’d need 1 or more sick people so she could maybe do like a magic cloud of curing. If she were alone in the dark she wouldn’t be able to magically light anything. On top of that, if she were with others and it was exceptionally dark she would be able to light anything without first hearing, touching, or smelling the presence of another person. Tasting would work too but a situation where seeing, hearing, smelling, and touch are out of the question but tasting is possible seems unlikely but maybe some other magic user turned off specifically those senses but forgot taste and that’ll be their weakness.

Amari is more thorough than most which benefits her in her job of mostly paperwork and presiding and ultimately it’s unlikely that any spell she uses would backfire but it also leads to an inflexibility. “Do This Task Specifically” is always going to work better than “Woo magic fire go yeah yeah” at a specific task but in the next task it could go wither way. Auto correct once again being an mvp with wither way. 

Amari has a bag. It’s not a magic bag. Bags of Holding haven’t really become a thing yet but hey that’s a million triangle money idea right there. Let’s hope this year we think up a name for the triangle money.

The Witchery Guild is a powerful organization not only in our setting the magical the magical nation of Cohavy and it’s capital Masellot. They have branches all over to deal with magical crime which really they get to decide and there isn’t that much oversight. This lead to Amari being slightly respected and feared  from all over despite her very kind nature. If she’s your friend you could maybe get a magic crime overlooked and if she’s your enemy maybe your septic magic is just now illegal. That was specific but hey auto correct made it better she could literally make your magic bathroom illegal. These people haven’t invented real plumbing yet. She wouldn’t do any of this but she technically could have. Nowadays though the fear and respect has dimmed somewhat thanks to her relationship with organized crime. In a literal sense. The head boss of the head crime family who rules over all these crime lords from Witchtobers past, who can strike fear–, once again literally, would send the concept of fear to the hospital, is dating Amari. They went to school together. Amari had higher grades when the teachers were informed that they were allowed to grade them fairly( and that their families would not be gored upon said grading( people who went against the Cassidy family at the time tended to not have middles )). They’re like rivalschool sweethearts or something. You would think associating with such people would only make her more feared but you were not at the meeting where they were calling each other nicknames and saying the word “meow” audibly. You weren’t there for the butterfly kisses. They are really the mushy lovey dovey sort. It was an important meeting. Someone had a permit to have their home perpetually on fire and they died which released the spell keeping only their house and fire but the permit didn’t specify that only their house could be on fire so technically it could spread forever and they needed her to input on whether they could extinguish it and they really needed her to say yes. Two other homes burned down and now one of them has a ghost that no one can seem to get rid of it’s all a mess really and that’s when the fear went away. People like her well enough but still but they don’t really count on her anymore and that’s a little sad. Also important to note is that death works differently in this world. Resurrection is doable and necromancy is belittled but still popular with many. Ghosts stick around even if you’re brought back to life which could then be used to bring you back to life twice. That’s a magic crime though so don’t try it. So really her inaction only lead to inconvenience but it made public opinion closer to correct so that’s a kinda good.

The other witches are just background characters. Some of them are coworkers who are dragged out of bed every morning. One of them has a helicopter hat instead of a broom and that’s strange.

Her name according to Google Translate means Not Really Banana which is accurate because she isn’t a banana. That’s some fun trivia.

Stone Hearts and Shouting at Shoggoths

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Draco wrote the last blag ,which you didn’t see, 3 times. Draco sometimes tries to keep it around 400 words but when you aren’t even half-way done and you’re past 3200 that is not 400. Anyway let’s try a different one…

Draco just finished Stonehearth the other day. Very cute little fantasy city builder.

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The good parts of Stonehearth are very cute and good. They are also little. Story, the buildings, the Hearthlings themselves, sound, gameplay, just apply those adjectives and you’ll get the idea on your own.

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Look at little Liam Lessel in a tiny house watching that Hearthling sleep.

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Cute farmers farming cute farm fields.

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Cute Caribou. Cutibou if you will. Valiantly guarding the good town.

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a cute conversation about something good. Also Vert Greene is passing by selling plants and seeds. Ya’ll should check that out.

So you get the idea. In Stonehearth you build a cute village where you can have walls, moats, and such. It’s all voxel based unlike most of this genre. There are even three campaigns and 3 quest lines which differs from the usual quest in these games which is survive and thrive. You can do the human town paperwork quest, the rabbitpeople quest, and the befriend orcs by fighting quest. On top of those they all essentially lead up to a boss fight against essentially Cthulhu.

Tangent. Draco doesn’t like the whole HP Lovecraft Cthulhu story. HP Lovecraft as a person sucks but mostly it’s all that pessimism that annoys Draco. So if you don’t know, Cthulhu is a big old squid elder thing and in the story they try to stop Cthulhu with a boat. They just ram em with it and when that doesn’t work they’re just like “oh no this is impossible oh no oh woe is mankind we’re so small compared to you Dr. Unbeatable Cthulhu Smith esq.” and it’s like they didn’t even lose the boat. They sailed away. In the boss fight for Stonehearth you need to slowly whittle the thing away. These little Hearthlings had a heck of a lot more courage and persistence than those sailors and they didn’t even have a boat. NOT EVEN A RAFT! If a person, especially if they’re backed up with other people, stands up and never gives up then we can accomplish anything no matter how big the Cthulhu-esque problem.

 

In the same vein, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood’s Roy Mustang. Watch that one if you can since it’s on Netflix AND Crunchyroll but if not here’s the clip which gets pretty much the entire point across.

 

 

The problem with Stonehearth is that it kinda runs horribly. There are issues and features which should have been addressed but that’s the fault of the company that bought the studio and told them they were going to stop paying for it if they didn’t release it soon. There is mod support so if modmakers ever update their mods that won’t be a problem. It’s a solid base game so mods can fix that and make it shine.

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Sadly the mythical creatures mod seems dead. 😦

 

The only really egregious problem is that it absolutely isn’t optimized. Draco is running like 15 tabs, steam, Photoshop, etc, and Draco’s GPU will sit at about 6% at maximum. Boot up Stonehearth and only Stonehearth and it goes up to 100. Sure we had that Cthulhu discussion and decided that giving 100% is important but not in this way. The previous sentence was added in post to enhance the excerpt, anyway… If there is rain the game freezes pretty quickly but it’ll freeze without rain as well. If you can put two and two together you might suspect that a titanic Titan Cthulhu boss showing up and spawning lots of wavy tentacles, portals which spew enemies all over the map, and whipping up huge storms of particle effects  could potentially cause system problems as well.On top of the freezes Draco’s computer just screams the entire time, and not in an ice cream way mind you. Apparently even though they recommend 64 bit it runs better with 32 bit. Draco isn’t one to mess with that sort of thing. Just save every 30 minutes but let’s be honest every 5. Oh and make sure if you buy it to buy it on sale.

Slow Time Syntax, Lich Yo Self, and Too Many Transformations

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Draco hasn’t been able to draw very much recently as everything has been a bit slow( the entire comp crashed one time). Draco tried writing some blags but he just wasn’t confident in them. Especially because the autocorrect thingy keeps changing words into different words yet can’t figure out Draco meant “you” from “yu”.

For some reason Draco decided to do a timeline of major events in regards to his worldbuilding because who knows why. Turns out it’s very fun. Definitely a good way to generate ideas and flesh out characters. You basically just start at the beginning, something happens, then some more stuff, till you have a sizable portion of stuff happening. Then you start doing consequences of those things that were happening and have some more things happen to boot. You don’t even have to go in order either. The only real worry you’ll have is to make sure things don’t happen because of things in the future UNLESS it’s a time travel story in which case go wild.

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On an unrelated note, Draco doesn’t like the words plane and plain. A plain can be a plane and that’s just infuriating. It’d be like if rectangles were called Squairs. Like not all Squairs are Squares but every Square is a Squair. Imagine hearing that in Geometry Class.

Oh and Draco cut the line that made this make sense. How about a time paradox for you right there in the year 2018. That’s some heavy time right there that is.

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Anyway, timeline of major events. Draco had the idea while watching a video about Liches because Draco just really likes Liches. Not necessarily the typical “Hey look at me, I’m an evil skeleton wizard” Lich, but the concept works. Demiliches, at least in D&D stray even farther from what Draco wants but while trying to figure out what Mallory is the idea of a demilich seems to cover it, just instead of astral projecting and having no useful body, her soul is kept with Mr. Spikey the Eldrich Horror in his personal nightmare dimension most of the time and her body is maintained and while not particularly coordinated is still more useful than a piñata. Honestly Draco isn’t sure why those lame demiliches would even bother maintaining a skull to begin with. A lot of Lich behavior in general is a bit baffling. Flesh and skin, while not the best materials perhaps, have many benefits. Have you ever broken a bone in say your arm or leg? Bet you enjoyed that flesh keeping the end of your limb connected to your body, huh? Oh but you have magic to protect your bones, huh? Couldn’t think of a better use for all that energy huh? Well Strawlich, what do you need the skeleton for then, huh? Why not go be a magical ghost? Cut the whole phylactery deal out the window, or just put half your soul in it and go be an unkillable ghost? What? you’d miss the benefits of having a body like talking to people and owning things? Well guess what BUCKAROO! That’s easier with flesh and skin! If you keep up a nice hygienic appearance people will sell you things, give you things, help you for no reason other than their kind hearts. All that stuff you want? Maintain your flesh and it will be EASIER to get them. What’s faster, killing a librarian and stealing their entire collection, or asking a librarian to help you find the book you want to read at the given time, returning it when it’s due, and then checking out another book. You’ve got the magic, you’ve got the time, get yourself some skin. Treat yo self, smart liches, because you deserve it.You dedicated yourself to knowing things and you learned how to make yourself immortal, a task many try and fail at, you deserve a little flesh. If you don’t know how to do so, well go look it up. All of the Liches in Draco’s world have flesh because anyone who can actually get that far isn’t a lazy sack of garbage. Even just ordinary undead, if they have a brain, have flesh. If it can think, it’s wrapped in a meaty layer. Skeletons, sure they don’t have flesh, but who would want to be a skeleton anyway? Certainly not an extremely powerful magic user. That would just be dumb. Well except for those Spooky Scary Skeletons, but they don’t count. That’s a different franchise of internet phenomenon. If a skeleton was born that way it doesn’t really apply here. That’s a different sort.

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Wait a minute… Skeletons don’t naturally stick together. Magic is keeping that skeleton together. Draco has potentially made this argument before but why not just have a cloud of angry bones? Why not have twelve arms and three skull heads? How are they seeing without eyes? Magic? Why do they need a skull? Why not more arms?  10,000 arms. Made of bone knives. They make this same argument with robots. Why would a robot have to be humanoid when it could be more efficient as a non-humanoid? The same goes for liches. If they no longer care for their mortal flesh why do they care so much about their mortal upright position. Maybe they could be a better lich by walking like a horsey? This blag wasn’t even supposed to be about liches, then it was only supposed to be slightly about liches, but Strawlich, why are you carrying around your legs when you are constantly hovering? Even if they touch the ground it’s all for some sort of stupid show. Is that it? You keeping that skeleton because you want to be imposing? Well going full Alphonse Elric and being in a suit of armor instead would be a hell of a lot more imposing.

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Go be a suit of armor instead, idiot. Go be 10,000 rib-cages, that’ll scare them, champ. Get some crab hands you dumb-butt. Or 6 heads so you can read faster, numskull. You’re supposed to be smart but here you are saying ” Look at me, I’m a skeleton. Look at me, look at me go woosh. Skeleton. Yeah. I’m a smart skeleton running around, watch me. Watch me be a skeleton and use magic. Woo! Bet you’re impressed I’m a kselltong”. No, Strawlich, Draco isn’t impressed that you’re a kselltong. No one is. Draco and everyone think that’s very dumb. Hopefully some of you smart liches out their can learn from the mistakes of Stawlich the kselltong and practice even remotely good hygiene.

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Anyway, Draco’s last drawing from before the lag was of a lich which is convenient and totally unplanned.

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As you can see she’s got her flesh but she is fairly young. Her name is Sheppard and that’s her last name, not her first.  Can’t really remember it at the moment but she goes by Sheppard so it doesn’t really matter. Sheppard was always impressed by other people. She was nice enough herself and confident to boot but other people had cool powers, abilities, stuff, etc. One day, she saw a lich and thought, “eh, I should try that” and so she did. Saw a vampire once. Now she has a blood shield surround her body. Does she need it as a lich? Not really but it could come in handy. One time she saw a person from the Sildurenth empire and how they all have cool suits of armor that were like alive and could fight for their owner. She made two of those and while they aren’t as good as the genuine Sildurenth article there are two of them.  Less lifelike but good for carrying things and wearing funny outfits. Demons are usually good at convincing people to go along with their stupid deals and nonsense so her cape is made of their hair. Her cloak is made from fireproof scales because being fireproof is one of the most admirable qualities a person can have. Sheppard was having a great time collecting things and improving herself but then one unfortunate day she met a werewolf-ish-ly inclined fellow. Of course Sheppard isn’t dumb, she tested it once just to make sure it’s safe. So she replicated all the things she’d already done to herself on another person and then added lycanthropy to the mix and it worked fine. No reason to really think there’d be a problem. Sadly there was a problem. It didn’t really go well. There were conflicting skeletons, the sun rising wasn’t really removing it. Basically she had to have her suits of armor punch her unconscious, which was difficult because of all her defenses. It took a while, was painful, and because the test subject succeeded where she failed, she became a little more hesitant, a lot less confidant, but she’s still interested in collecting more. Ancient artifacts, useful materials, interesting transformations, a spell that can remove unwanted dog-body-hair, if someone else has it she’d like to have it as well.

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Also her entire character is inspired by how Draco uses Rimworld mods and so she’s been in Draco’s latest Rimworld colony. Werewolf  vampire lich transformations crashed the game and forced Draco to really fiddle for a like 2 hours. The problem is in the forced werewolf transformations during a full moon. Just disable those and level up one of them via god mode since you won’t be able to level the forms up. It’s cheating but since the real way doesn’t always work and will crash your game it’s fair in Draco’s book. Plus if you’re able to get a character with either of those it’s not like you’d lose anyway. Draco was testing out nuclear weapons from one of the mods on Sheppard and she survived 2 out of 3 so a normal raid stands no chance. She was able to resurrect since it didn’t destroy her body, don’t you worry. Plus Draco wouldn’t have stood for a missing pelvis counting as a fatality. People are missing their pelvis all the time and you don’t hear them complaining about it. It isn’t like an important organ it’s a bone which should have been  Regenerable. Like Sheppard gave an enemy brain rot one time and doctors were able to fix that, a pelvis is no biggie. Sadly the death randomness mod hasn’t updated to Draco’s knowledge so there’s nothing to do in that respect.

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You might be able to see her in a pile of dead Imperial Scout Troopers. It’s a little hard to see because the enemy had some sort of static fog ability and Sheppard has a death fog ability. Also she has a cool magic hood that covers her face but that’d hide her face so no. Miñoca is the werewolf that inspired her and the test subject was named Bren. Bren was part of a werewolf clan with a blood oath that made them unrecruitable. Draco of course recruited them out of spite through necromantic means, then we tested the werewolf lich vampire transformation on them and it was fine until the 800 or so errors piled up. Draco tried the experiment again on an android because that definitely won’t cause errors and it didn’t the android is ridiculously strong. She was able to punch Sheppard’s head off and both of Mallory’s arms off. They were fine after but it was still the most damage anything had done to them aside from one staff that’s actually just too overpowered but not in a fun way. The key too balancing overpowered powers is that they neither make the character unkillable forever or instantly kill whatever they’re pointed at without a warm-up, warning, or cool-down. Raising the bar is fine, chucking the bar into the ocean isn’t.