Draco took this adequately creepy personality test. The questions were nonsensical but the results were spot on. According to this test Draco thinks on a higher plane of understanding. While others are just doing their ordinary human thinking Draco is up there on God level playing checkers with Jesus. Fortuna is betting on Draco. Andraste is cheering Draco on. Anyway it said Draco was just absolutely fantastic. This is why you need to learn which square is being aggressive. (If any religions or the amazing warrior queen Boudicca were offended Draco apologizes and blames the test. It was all their fault. Draco takes no responsibility for compliments coming from others.)
They say you are always within 3-10 feet of a spider. This is obviously not true because man has walked on the moon( or soundstage if you prefer (if you prefer this shut up it isn’t the point)) and the moon happens to not support spider life. On that not Draco does not count rock spiders as spiders and that was a movie. Anyway Draco has seen around 15 spiders in the last two weeks and it is getting annoying. They are the nice little daddy-long-legs type that nice people save if they can and Draco usually can. This leads to having to catch the things and then release them. Does this have a moral? Is there any point to telling you this? Well you are asking the wrong questions. You should be asking how you can rescue Draco from an army of friendly spiders. *mutters something which isn’t insulting at all*
Draco got a letter from the US National Guard offering to pay for Draco’s education. They said they would give Draco $362 a month which equals $13000 for 4 years. Now admittedly they said up to but what they are really saying here is they will give you around $68 a month for college. The $13000 is the average amount and the $362 must be the maximum. This either means that the lieutenant that wrote this letter is using dishonest immoral sales math to trick people into joining or they are incapable of doing basic math. Now Draco doesn’t want to imagine that the guards of a nation are using shady and deceitful practices to fool people so Draco is going to assume they just can’t multiply. Draco had people in Draco’s graduating class who couldn’t multiply. It’s reasonable to think that maybe someone like that got an officer’s rank. It’s admittedly sad but it’s possible. Another thing that is sad is that $68 is not enough money for college. The way college works is that you pay for tuition and classes and then you take them. Even the cheapest college tuition is going to cost you at least and keep in mind this is low balling here $800. You’ll either need to wait for almost a year or get a job. The problem with getting a job is that you have a job with the National Guard and the entire selling point is that you won’t be paying for college. With a job you can actually pay for college and you don’t need to be in the guard at all. They claim that you can also get money for living ($200) but like the rest of the numbers they are likely “mistakes”. Even with $200 that isn’t living money. If you can find food and housing for $200 a month then you must really like living in excrement and eating top ramen. You’ll likely need an extra source of income to live such as a job. Once again negating the need for joining the guard at all. They ended the letter with saying that you get to help people in danger. They use the exact words “you can be there to save lives, protect property, deliver supplies, and bring hope”. The phrasing here is once again deceptive but let’s call it a grammar mistake or some nonsense. They phrase it as if this is a reward. While it may be rewarding to save lives and bring hope this isn’t a reward for joining and it isn’t exclusive to the guard. Doing these activities is the job. When becoming a construction worker they don’t tell you that your reward is getting to be a construction worker. A cashier isn’t rewarded with getting to work a cash register and check out items. that is their JOB. if they join they HAVE TO do it. They don’t GET to do it because once you join it isn’t a choice. If you get a job you can do all of these things by choice or it can be your job but neither of those options are rewards for choosing to join the guard. You can be a motivational speaker and bring hope. You can be a firefighter and protect property. You can be one of those people who spray paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues and pull someone out of the way of a speeding car thereby saving a life. You could work for USPS, UPS, or a similar service which likely has a U in its acronym and deliver supplies till you can’t deliver them no more. You can volunteer and do any number of those things yet they say these activities are why you should join them specifically. Also they call all those activities along with protecting the nation “dual mission”. there were 5 listed. This supports the inability to do math argument. Anyway Draco could go on and on about how you don’t want to risk your life for no reward and follow people who may be deceiving you or if they aren’t deceiving you are incapable of doing what most grade school children can but honestly you should get the idea by now. If you really want to join Draco has one request of you. Please make these people better. clearly there is some issue and if you have morals and a grade school education you can likely fix it.