Draco has heard the question “what exactly is a goblin” several times. There is even a goblin week but Draco was busy because that’s also a witch week. So Draco asked some people. Mainly Draco’s Mom and people on Twitter. Also Draco asked Draco himself but Draco declined to comment. Just kidding, Draco did comment.
Draco put all of the goblins together for some reason but it works out since at least one person said Goblins operate in groups. The point though is that none of these are necessarily what the submitters thought they’d be yet they’re all goblins except maybe that one. Oh and one is more of a mandrake but that’s the description Draco was working with so what do you want?
So let’s talk about each from left to right and maybe even name them. For the sake of your convience please right click the goblin pic andd open it in a new tab. You’ll have to scroll a bit otherwise.
The leftmost one is one of Draco’s and it’s more of an antithesis really. No one said a goblin couldn’t be a caterpillar headed butterfly man with a tiny hat and bejeweled cane wearing only a loincloth, those clown things, and a golden chest-plate. Also it sorta looked Stand-ish so Draco through in some JoJo’s Onomatopoeias but instead they’re G’s for goblins. Draco names this goblin Drank Electric, for reasons that are convoluted but you could figure it out.Would it be rewarding? No.
The next one is the one Draco’s mom described. Draco was able to get more than a tweets worth of description out of the conversation. She’s not a big fan of goblins(They’re scary) or seemingly most magical creatures. Hates centaurs for who knows why. She did decide however that they(goblins, not centaurs) mine and when pressed on why they mine if they don’t smith or practice stone masonry, that they trade precious stones to other goblins in a little goblin economy and hey Draco was proud of that reasoning. This is the only goblin with a large nose despite half the pictures on Google depicting them with such. It does seem like they range from big nose to no nose at all in most varying depictions. This goblin only speaks goblin language so we’ll just have to assume they’re named Grush Splagick. Actually wait, Draco’s world has a magic language translation system and Draco does ultimately want to fit these in so that bit isn’t really compatible unless we make that the name or some gibberish. That’s settled then.
Draco did watch a video on goblins and they do describe them similarly so nice job.
The next was described by @SlayerOfTears. They describe a goblin as an irritating, bratty, obnoxious child to the factor of greater-than eleven. Then you turn the child green and give them an unceasing cry. Now that does sound a little bit like a Kender but we also have to distinctly focus on turning them green. Their skin has no carbon footprint. Green and screaming are pretty solidly mandrake but this goblin mandrake fusion is less lethal and more annoying. Deadly would go past irritating. If you kill someone with your cry they aren’t irritated unless their ghost is stupid and stays in the room but that’s unlikely. So we’ll name this goblin Mandragoblin.
The next goblin coming in by an ear is the goblin described by @TheCrosshare. They describe goblins as long-eared, green, almost entirely bald, short, and the hole of a stubborn pack animal. Now there are a couple of ways this could have gone, one being the obvious but Draco needed an allusion as opposed to writing it directly so that wasn’t going to happen and the other would have been a large bat with only ears. This option is better though. This goblin is all about Gatekeeping and talking down to people. They even descend from ropes so that they can literally talk down to people. They hate when people misuse literally even though literally has been used to exaggerate for years and it’s even in the dictionary proper so maybe they should get over it but oh you know they won’t because that’s what this goblin’s all about. Despite not knowing many things this goblin just feels the need to but in and be a butt. @rocky_rtk wanted the cap and this head was so bald there as room for it here. This goblin has short limbs and is short overall. Their ears are longer than they are tall. They’ve probably got a name like Chet or Jorken.
Goblin 5 was described by @amberkro9 and it’s wonderful. Small, mischievous, and curious all describe cat, you can’t deny that. A crafty cat? Well that’s a steam punk cat right there. Green or ruddy colored, well that’s pretty typical but the rest is pure brass. Or bronze. Whatever they use in steampunk. Also it’s Goblinpunk now. People have apparently used the term before but Draco was not aware of that till the writing of this sentence so according to that rule from the creation of computers(the ROM BIOS specifically) we should be fine. The hair had to be orange so that it could be a ginger goblin cat. That seemed best for some reason. There’s only so much to say, this goblin is a delight. Naming this goblin may be hard as there aren’t many famous cat scientists that Draco can think of. Alence Golinowitz. There we go.
This mouthy goblin was described by @RealLarryD. Lo starts off with diminutive humanoid creature and their typical green grey skin. A smart move which prevents Draco from responding with a cube made of various snakes and scorpions. But then he goes with the words “large mouths” and if we’re going to cling to anything here it’s gotta be that. This goblin doesn’t have a large mouth. It has large mouths. It also has pointed ears which at times look like noses. Draco took pride in how many mouths fit on the head of this diminutive humanoid head but it was a bit cluttered so it’s more of a wrong vegetable head now. Lo also described a mix of cowardice mischief, and cruelty, which is described upon its many mouths. They look like a fun little prankster who lacks a good
conscience for sure. That torch doesn’t spell anything good for Mandragoblin. Chester. Not sure why.
The next two are from Draco and they are just what Draco though goblins looked like. They kinda remind Draco of Beastboy. They’re pretty similar and Draco has heard them called “The Twins” so sure they’re related. They’re around 3 ft tall. The clothing isn’t handmade or anything, it’s scavenged. Draco’s world is very rich and with the magic system it’s easier to make 100 shirts than make 1 shirt 100 times so surplus is actually one of the bigger issues. monsters made from magic surplus are so common people don’t really react all that much to them anymore. It’s better these goblins have the stuff. Also to clarify about the 100 shirt thing, they’d probably have to make have to make a shirt by hand at least once and they’d be stuck making only 1 with magic at least until they’d made 100 at least. This is also going to affect the quality of the shirt made. It takes a while to make good shirts and unless you’re a witch you’re not going to have a tone of spells available to you so making shirts may not be a thing everyone’d want to do. Repairing equipment is usually more useful in any given situation. Creating shirts only has so many applications. You could make shirts to sell, a shirt projectile spell like one of those t-shirt canons, stacking the shirts to reach higher elevations or walk over water is an option, a shirt shield of many shirts, heat people up by affixing them with many shirts, a smokescreen but instead it’s an explosion of shirts, or you could launch yourself with shirts and then land in a pile of shirts. You could also do those things but without shirts so, anyway, the point is it’s not that easy to get shirts. Pretty easy, but not super easy. Did Draco name them?
@Zen_r0b0 described the next goblin. They have the standard pointed ears. Actually not everyone said pointed ears and they don’t all have them but it feels standard. If we were to take all these and make a definitive list that’d be on there. Slender, according to Google is 100% a pale suited horror guy. Draco did not draw Slenderguy here but they’re pretty slender. They could have been shorter but that’d of ruined the face. These pics already get shrunk almost 50% for the internet version so this goblin is taller than the others but short by human standards. The boots don’t help the height here either but you can’t not have boots with those shorts unless your legs are entirely feet or something. Their skin is a greenish grey, another standard, and they travel in groups conveniently. Justifies this whole thing really, not that it need to be but hey it doesn’t hurt either. And finally they’re up to no good and stupid. This goblin is definitely capable of being up to no good. As for stupid well this goblin isn’t that stupid but they certainly didn’t build a cool walker with robotentacles. More of an underachiever goblin with street smarts. They give off a bit of a Morrigan from Dragon Age vibe with the hair and shoulder thing but the outfits closer to Merlin from Seven Deadly Sins. Draco doesn’t really watch that show much as the MC is atrocious. Definitely prefer Morrigan. Morrigan’s not stupid but also not a goblin so shush. Not every comparison has to be 100%. Nann would work as a name for various reasons.
The final goblin exists because that corner felt empty. Oftentimes goblins are used as filler mooks, mindless obstacles, or bigger rats, because if you slay a horde of people you feel bad but a horde of goblins, eh. As we learned today goblins can vary between good and bad but they usually lean toward the mischief side. They may be pranksters or genuinely bad but killing a horde of them just because of one or two definitely makes you a jerk. Please only kill goblins when it is absolutely necessary. This goblin is super tiny and cute. Be nice to this goblin. This goblin has a club and isn’t afraid to throw down but would rather not. Give communication a chance.
This goblin should have an overly serious name like … … … Draco tried making a serious name but all of the people who shared that name were not, well, to be honest, anything but a pile of garbage. Wait, Draco found one. Ben Stevenson. Draco could not find anyone bad named Ben Stevenson. If you know someone bad named Ben Stevenson please inform this goblin so they can change their name if needed.
Apparently the question Draco should have asked is what does a hobgoblin look like. Wait, why didn’t Draco just include the tweets instead of describing them? OH well, it gives you Draco’s interpretation of what they said which matters a bit more in the design process anyway.