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In another post Draco started on about one of Draco’s pet peeves but that wasn’t the entire post. Guess what. Draco wrote this at the beginning of the month of July. Unrelated sure but come on, just writing “now it’s an entire post” was a gimme. Gotta throw a Jigglypuff in now and again.

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So to summarize, Draco doesn’t like how many fantasy creatures fail to understand contract law. You can’t run a business and then when someone walks in wanting to be the best at badminton say you’ll help them for no money if you later plan on taking their soul. That’s not how laws work. A soul is a body part and has value according to ebay a few years back. Draco can appreciate if you’re just like “I’m evil and I’m going to take your soul” because your intentions are clear, both parties understand the interaction, and it’s not like you’re trying to push an imaginary legal authority on someone. Does Draco like that you’re taking people’s souls? No. Don’t take people’s souls; that makes you a jerk. A little honesty goes a long way.

Draco could not find a gif of this sadly. This meant that Draco did not have to draw something but ended up doing so anyway to just make himself feel better.

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Fenix Wrought, Azrael Attorney

Draco also hates when a ghost or sphinx is like “hey I got this riddle, get it wrong and I’ll kill you”. Just because you have the body of a lion or no body at all does not mean anyone has to answer your riddles and a person answering wrong doesn’t give justification to murder someone. Once again however, Draco can appreciate if a monster is just like “Hey, I’m going to murder you”. That reminds Draco of an related tangent not about sphinxes so prepare yourself for that.

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One of Draco’s favorite parts in Divinity Original Sin II(spoilers for the last act), Draco was in a city and it was near the end of the game. Basically every street a group of assassins would pop up, declare which faction they were loyal to and why they came to kill Draco and then approximately 6 seconds later they retreated because Draco just immolated half their group. You would think the same joke happening repeatedly would get old but it did not.

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by Gweno

Also during this section Draco had too much money so Draco was just giving money to ever non-hostile person he went by. Draco figured the villain might try to turn the city against Draco at some point so Draco was buying their loyalty while the going was hot. This ended up being unnecessary but Draco was so beloved by the time everything was said and done that even if Draco did get all the power in the end Draco still would have ended up divine probably. Again not really related to sphinx but if a sphinx had been there and done that it would have been swell. There were also ghosts but they were the polite kind that never tried to murder Draco for arbitrary riddles. Actually the game did provide a power that lets you eat ghost and Draco never used it on a ghost.

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And the last topic is on fairies. Draco watched a video on this which is actually what prompted the idea to talk about all this again and in said video the person mentions not to eat food from whatever you want to call the world fairies are from. They called it Fairy but you could also use the Feywild, First World, Fey Acre, Sylvan Glade, Otherworld, Fairyland, The Realm of the Fairies, Faerealm, Wonderland let’s be honest, Twilight Everglade, Old Jersey, The Realm with No Name but a Really Long Stand-in Title That Gets the Point Across Without Being Overly helpful, etc. Whatever you call it you don’t want to eat there because in fairy stories if you do you’ll be forced to work there for hundreds of years like a person who can’t pay in a restaurant. Fairies are supposed to have alien values but this is a thing that really just annoys Draco. If you broke into Draco’s home and ate food the last thing that would be on Draco’s ideal possibilities list is you staying for any length of time. If you were invited in and ate food well Draco probably also wants you to leave but that’s just a personal preference. Go away. Back to the point, there is the suggestion with this that you are consuming something of value and you being forced to stay is in someway fair but that’s not true. If a story(store but apparently auto-correct thinks story makes more sense so we’re leaving it to let you decide) offered you a glass of water and after you took a sip told you that you’d now work for them till your bones turned into dust you would not call that fair. The addition of insect wings doesn’t make that situation more fair. Now you could say maybe fairies don’t understand the value of food, that hard labor is hard, or even that hundreds of years might be a long time for creatures that live on average less than a hundred years. You could say that. Does them not understanding protect them from criticism? Draco’s just going to say that if you’re going to make and enforce a rule about something you should understand it. Now if the lore was like you can’t take anything out of this fairyland well Draco could accept that. What are you going to do about air though? Ooh or memories? That’s a bit unreasonable. Keep the rule to just food and water, you can leave once you go to the bathroom, and then we’re good. Maybe take some of their blood if you still want it to be an exchange of value but if you invite them in and then charge them Draco is still going to be mad at you. Don’t take bones because you already said you didn’t understand life spans and you certainly won’t know which bones are safe to take. Draco would also let you take items from them in exchange for food but once again not if you invite them in no. If you’re going to charge someone and claim a position of fairness you need to have prices listed and you need to understand that if you offer someone something you aren’t entitled to anything but a basic level of decency which everyone deserves.

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There’s also the thing about fairy place that if you get invited to dance you’ll be dancing for years. This feels much better to Draco. If everyone is having a good time let them dance. If you’re forcing everyone to dance Draco would say that’s a party foul. You shouldn’t force a party. It’s less egregious but still. Oh and there’s also the thing where you get lost easily in the fairy place. That’s fine in Draco’s book. While it’s polite to help with directions it’s not required. Draco apparently doesn’t give good directions and so it would be hypocritical to complain about that.

The point is that Draco isn’t saying that these creatures need to be perfect and benign, just that they shouldn’t try to justify it.

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Draco could not find a gif of the classic Scooby-Doo and that’s shocking.

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